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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • in reply to: In complete disbelief and misunderstanding. Please help me! #71832
    Scuttle
    Participant

    I know that some people above said that pot isn’t a big deal, but when you’re an addict…. you should be staying away from ALL of it, even alcohol. This is coming from someone who’s had issues with substance abuse in the past and has some time sober. It doesn’t make me all mighty and awesome, but I can definitely see why he is the way he is. Sometimes if people don’t find constructive things to do after they’ve given up an addiction, they find other things to replace… such as the hoarding. Such as the pot smoking. Such as a woman. It was something else that still eased him away from his pain. I’m not justifying his behavior at all. It sounds like he was still suffering, despite giving up the hard drugs. Unfortunately, you were a bystander in this. He still had addict tendencies like manipulating you and making you feel guilty for things you didn’t even do. It will happen for the untreated mental aspect of addiction. He won’t be able to endure a healthy relationship until he works on himself…and it sounds like he has A LOT of work to do. As for you, don’t be upset that you were with someone like him. Perhaps you saw hope, you enjoyed his company… and of course people don’t always end up as they seem during the initial beginning together. As hurt as you may seem, it is for the best that you are not together. You seem like a really nice person. I would definitely take this time for yourself to heal and prioritize what is that you would like out of life. He will heal when he’s ready to heal.

    in reply to: Not sure how to function anymore?? #62862
    Scuttle
    Participant

    Holy crap. Sorry I’m starting with that statement, but that is an intense story. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through something like this. I have never experienced anything to this extent, but I know how it feels being in a false world with someone you’ve been with for a long time. It must be extremely devastating to find things out the way you did. It sounds like she is taking things way too far by what she’s telling these guys. I don’t approve of talking to other men/women in a sexual manner if you’re in a committed relationship what-so-ever. If someone is going on a whole different level to say that you are doing things that you aren’t doing, that’s even worse. What she’s saying could get you in a lot of trouble if she tells the wrong person. What if one of these guys decides he should inform law enforcement if she’s taking it to that big of extremes? That’s extremely unfair to you and your family. It’s clear that your wife is in need of some serious mental realignment or counseling. Telling such elaborate lies is a problem on top of being verbally unfaithful. You absolutely cannot have her doing that. If you are not being abusive, you need to at least get her to stop that because it could get you in SO much trouble. Fifteen years is a long time to be with someone. I understand that relationships may get stagnant at points, but being married is about being there for better or for worse. If there are issues, they must be discussed. If there is boredom, it’s time to change up the routine. If you are not comfortable with bringing in a third party into your relationship, you do not have to. You are a person too, and you have feelings. I’m not trying to be mean, but she’s being extremely selfish while you are in so much pain. I would have a serious talk with her. I know you said you have spoken with her about this already, but I would speak about it again. Tell her you are not comfortable with this idea. Ask her if there’s anything that can be done to get her to stop what she’s doing. It’s painful, but you may have reassess where your marriage is and if it’s worth going through all this deception if she doesn’t plan to stop. She has the love from you and your children, why does she need it from another man as well? Gosh. I wish I could shake her. She’s a grown woman. Self will run riot!
    Please remember to breathe, every single day. This is very hard to deal with, but there are so many others who have felt the way you have. You are never alone. If all else fails, do think of your children. Know that you are an amazing person and this is not your fault. Sometimes people suffer from excess greed and you may have nothing to do with it. Do not do anything you don’t want to to, but don’t keep letting her persist with these actions as long as you both are still together. Try to meditate. It may be hard, but focus on your breathing. Try to find one good thing out of your day, even if it’s the fact that you are breathing. Follow YOUR heart.

    in reply to: Hate, anger, and forgiveness #62861
    Scuttle
    Participant

    Hey Lasse. Your subject line caught my attention. I was where you were for such a long time. I’m only 27, but I still felt like I lived in the pits of hell for eternity. I can feel your pain, and I can only hope that it gets better for you sooner than later. It takes a lot to work through these feelings. I held onto every little thing that happened to me for as long as I could remember. I still have some days where I have issues working through resentments of my past, but I find a way to get through it. I turned to drugs and alcohol for years. It was the only thing that could help me (or so I thought) escape from the reality that I never wanted to be apart of. It numbed me. Though I made a TON of terrible decisions while in my addiction, I found a way to chase the pain away even more. I’ve been sober for 15 months. It’s seriously turned my life around. I don’t know where you’re at on the scale, and I’m not trying to sell it on you, but it has worked wonders for me. I am breaking my anonymity, but I am program. It was a total character reformation for me. It did more than just keep me away from the toxic shit I was doing to my body, but it helped me get through all the pain. It helped me work through my hate, my lack of remorse, my resentments, and thirst for wanting to die each and every single day. I guess my point is, if you do feel like you have any sort of problem with drugs, give meetings a try. Even if not, they have groups for EVERYTHING. They work if you lay all your willingness on the floor. Pain doesn’t diminish over night, but with earnestness, it can wither away. I also got really big into pilates, kickboxing, and working out in general. It channels so much of my inner aggression out while giving me empowerment. Another thing that has aided in transforming my warped thinking is writing. I’ve been keeping journals for years, but for the past year and a half I’ve learned how to write about the GOOD things in my life. Gratitude for the smallest things. Hot cups of coffee, showers, electricity. Sometimes I have to come up with the weirdest stuff to be thankful for to start my day off on the right foot. It definitely also helps to have a friend to hear you out in times where you’re feeling like this. Someone who understands where you’re coming from. On top of that, I even recently started reading up more on Buddhism after I read a book about AA and Buddhism (12 Steps On Buddha’s Path). It made me realize what a beautiful philosophy it is. It made me feel better knowing that people actually live their lives under this code. It definitely also helps me minimize the suffering in my life. Meditation was REALLY hard for me to get into the groove with, but once you have that moment where you really feel beautiful inside, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. I know this was a novel to read, but that’s what really helped this girl through some extremely dark and scary times in her life. I need to keep practicing these routines to this day to ensure I don’t fall back into the masked monster I once meandered with throughout life, waiting for my end. Again, I really hope things perk up for you. Hang in there. Know this stranger is sending you some good vibes. Smile. It’s hard sometimes, but it looks great on anyone’s face!

    in reply to: Lost my spiritual self #51679
    Scuttle
    Participant

    Sounds left field, but are you still drinking heavily? I only ask because I was the same way with a lot of the same problems. I was spiritually bankrupt in a foul state of mind. After repeated meltdowns, mostly while intoxicated, I joined the AA fellowship (ten months ago today!). It SERIOUSLY turned my life around in so many ways. It’s not about just being sober, it’s becoming spiritually connected (in a love way), becoming a better person, learning how to live selflessly, and realizing that there are still amazing people left in this world! It’s also great free counseling that you feel right at home in. It’s beautiful.

    in reply to: am i just a selfish idiot ? #51677
    Scuttle
    Participant

    And just breathe. Cliche, but time heals all wounds. Just try to keep busy so you don’t get caught up in your head about it!

    in reply to: am i just a selfish idiot ? #51676
    Scuttle
    Participant

    It’s amazing despite our ages how a situation could be so similar!

    Well, don’t call yourself a selfish idiot. You had bond with this person at one point! I went through it almost two years ago. We were both confused, but knew it was toxic. We split, would do our thing, get jealous, get back together. Things definitely got worse each time. Though things end, and even if it’s for the best, it’s hard to watch someone you once spent so much time with not be with you anymore. It’s normal! I’d keep it at arms length at this point, keep things neutral for your daughter. It will get easier as time passes, I promise! Down the road you’ll see that this all happened for a reason, and find yourself being so much happier than you were. Life isn’t over yet. 😉

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)