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Shellie

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • June 3, 2014 at 6:38 am in reply to: Difficulty dealing with major breakup #57998
    Shellie
    Participant

    Jess and Inky made great comments and suggestions.

    I think your title says it all. “Difficulty Dealing w/ Major Break Up”. You are aware that you are having a hard time dealing with the breakup. It doesn’t seem like you are happy in this situation so how much longer do you want to live unhappy? 1 more year? 2 more years? 10 more?
    I agree with Inky. Your child’s father is living in a fantasy land and finds his escape on the internet. Regardless of what and why, he is not committed to you. You need to get your life back. Taking control will be scary now, but you will thank yourself for it down the line.

    You need to move out. Whether it means going back home or living with a friend, you need to be in a separate space. Yes, he will want to see his son. But it doesn’t have to be on his terms. It will take compromise from both parties.

    Stop having sex with him.

    Focus on you and your son. Bettering your life. Accomplishing goals. Spend time with family.
    Do not allow one confused and unstable man to determine your selfworth. You can love him. You can consider him a best friend. But what is the use of having a best friend when you can’t be a best friend to yourself? You can’t truly love yourself because you are in a situation that allows you to constantly be demoralized.
    After you get some space (9-12 months), I think you will be able to see the relationship clearly. You both will. And then you can decide on what next step is best for you and your son.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Shellie.
    June 1, 2014 at 1:19 pm in reply to: Feel Stuck #57847
    Shellie
    Participant

    Hi Cyd, it sounds like you have a clear understanding of your feelings thus far. My question is, have you accepted the way you feel? I too believe that sexuality is much more complex than definitions would allow us to assume. I would say the first thing you should do is really understand your feelings and what you want. You say that you one day see yourself with a wife. Is this because you want all the things a wife entails or do you want to do it because it’s expected of you?

    I questioned my feelings about things before, and I realized that the only reason I questioned myself is because I wasn’t sure if I would be accepted by others.

    I hope one day you will find someone that you are attracted to physically and emotionally. But first you have to dig deeper within yourself and understand what it is that you want.

    In the meantime, take time to understand yourself and try to be honest to those that you will be emotionally or physically involved with.

    April 16, 2014 at 7:44 pm in reply to: Im lost and completely hopeless after my brutal breakup. #54918
    Shellie
    Participant

    To be frank, I think you have little to no self-worth. I just broke up with my bf in January and I was down and out for about a week or two. And while I still think about him every day and cry from time to time, I refused to have it completely overcome me.
    I know different people cope in different ways, and I think you are allowed to feel the way that you feel… with one exception – in this process of grief, continue to love yourself.

    If your worth is solely based on how others value you… than you will constantly be in the position that you are in now.

    What do you like about yourself? What do you enjoy doing? What hobbies can you enjoy?

    Love is a beautiful thing, and as cliché as this is going to be, you cannot love anyone unless you love yourself. I don’t think you love yourself very much, which is a shame because I am sure you are an amazing person with a lot of love to share.

    I would recommend a few things:
    1. Grief… let it out.
    2. Stop contacting her. After my break up I continued to be “friends” with my ex until I realized that talking to him only caused me more pain and left me feeling confused. It is not until I completely cut him off is when I truly began to move on from the relationship.
    3. Love yourself. Better yourself.

    I think resigning from your job only added to your self-pity. Just because one thing went wrong in our life doesn’t mean everything else should be neglected. I hope you can find another job soon because I believe this could help you with your self-confidence.

    Lastly, I will end with this statement that my aunt told me a while ago… “Build your own happiness. So even if your lover leaves you, you will always have that happiness that you built for yourself. No one can take that away”. Your beak up was only brutal because you are making it brutal. You care causing a lot of your own mental anguish within yourself.

    Good luck my friend.

    March 12, 2014 at 3:45 pm in reply to: Why did he leave if he wanted to marry me? #52711
    Shellie
    Participant

    Hi Iva,
    I very recently experienced a breakup, we were together for over a year, and we were very close, lived with each other for a few months and met each other’s families.
    I do think, at this moment, you have done all that you could do. Do not make assumptions as to why he broke up with you. Focus on the facts… you two are no longer together. Maybe he will come back, maybe he will not. However, during this time, you have to make YOU the priority. Continue improving yourself and becoming a better person.

    I read some advice on here a few weeks ago where someone suggest that you give yourself 6 months. After 6 months of working on yourself, if you feel as if your feelings for this person remains the same, then reach out again once you two have had some time apart. Right now, since the breakup is fresh, you will be over-romanticizing the relationship and only time will allow you to see the relationship clearly. At the time of my breakup, I over-romanticized and did not even realize it.

    There is a difference between attachment and love.

    As a believer in a higher power, everything that happens will reveal its purpose as to why. Take it in stride. Accept the pain. Embrace it. In addition, every day do something for YOU. Fall in love with yourself and being a better person.

    I hope your heart heals. However, you have to do yourself a favor and don’t unnecessarily prolong the grief that you are experiencing.

    Again, since you have tried numerous times to reach out to him, he knows that you are willing to work things out. You did everything that you could. Give him the time he needs to think.

    I hope your heart heals.

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