Dear VJ and Anita,

I address these comments to you both as a means of acknowledgment to your valued input.

I’m reading the Power of Now and I’d like to use this space as a means to formulate my own thoughts and understanding.

The section that I’m referring to comes from ENLIGHTENMENT: RISING ABOVE THOUGHT. It refers to our view of self, or ego, stemming from our thoughts and I’ve just realized some things:

1. My childhood was violent and explosive. A constant sense of walking on eggshells and fear of what may trigger the next parental explosion. I became extremely hypersensitive to choosing my words and actions carefully … but my thoughts were MINE. I gained a sense of power and control by being about to think whatever words I dare not say or daydream of how my life could be so much different, if only (insert here my idea at the time). My reasoning also included that “if I’m smart, then all the words you use to tell me how worthless I am won’t be true”.

2. Part of my current problem is that I got stuck inside my own head. It’s true that my view of life falls into the past or of what I’ll do tomorrow. I’m great at making plans and lists for things I want or need to DO but tomorrow is always in the future and sadly, I accomplish nothing today. I’ve developed a fear of bringing what’s inside my head into action of the real world. In my opening post, I even said that I realize that the time we are allotted may be short and I felt a sense of urgency to live, or in other words DO, and yet daily, I procrastinate out of fear.

I have much more to read and process but I’d like to use this posting board to work out what I’m learning about myself and my life. I welcome you both to share whatever comments you feel lead to share with me. I want to document my own growth and insights while also connecting with others who are either going through a similar journey or who have “been there, done that and here’s what I learned “.

~Shipp

Dear VJ,

First, thank you for reading and responding to my post!

Secondly, I have found and download The Power of Now, as suggested.

Lastly, I have followed the links to the site that you suggested and have requested emails with the booklets.

I have much reading to do and I’m sure that I will have more questions and thoughts to share. Please check in on me again soon as I would appreciate your perspective on my posts.

~Shipp

Dear Anita,

Thank you for your suggestions! I will follow up on both references.

I agree with your statement about my life not being mindful. Your choice of description is spot on! I also agree that a more mindfulness is what I’m seeking. That and to answer for myself questions such as “what do I have within me that is worthy of giving to others that will make a difference and matter? how can I become a better person in my own eyes?and, at the end of my days, can I look at the life and say that I was able to live freely, with few regrets?”.

There are many, many changes standing between the person that I am and the person that I want to become. I have much to learn. One reason that I appreciate a site such as this one is that, by reading the articles and postings from others, I see similar situations or feelings as I have. It helps me feel less alone in the challenges ahead.

I also want to thank you, Anita, for your response to me and to others who have posted. When you reply to one, we all benefit from your advice and kindness! I look forward to more sharing.

~Shipp