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My second chance in life

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  • #117636
    Shipp
    Participant

    I found the Tiny Buddha page today and after reading some of the posts, wanted to share. This sharing is difficult for me because I haven’t fully put my feelings into words, to myself much less to others yet, but hopefully this will be a part in my healing process. So here it goes:

    Last October I almost died. When I woke in the critical care unit of the hospital, I was scared, to the core of my being scared. I realized so much in very little time: my life must change, how I think about myself, my beliefs, and my world must change, and also that I will carry a reminder of just how fragile life is with me every day, in my body, for the rest of my life.

    For many years prior, I had already felt that there is more to a quality life. By that I mean the richness and fullness that comes from inner peace, happiness, love, understanding, knowledge, giving of yourself and an ongoing sense of wonder and exploration. Over the past year, I have spent time searching myself, holding a mirror to my being and coming to terms with where I am in perspective to where I want to be in my soul’s journey. I feel an sense of urgency to have the courage to change what I can and learn what is just outside of my current understanding. Peace and forgiveness are two areas that I struggle with even now.

    I read a lot, looking for kernnels of truth and wisdom that will ring true to me. If you or anyone else reading this would like to share authors, teachers, books or online material that impacted their life’s journey, it would be most welcomed.

    ~Shipp

    #117644
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shipp:

    At the time, reading The Power of Now – By Eckhart Tolle, was very meaningful to me. It may be to you too. Perhaps online sources on Mindfulness (click BLOG above, then “Mindfulness & Peace in the drop-down menu).

    I think your awakening last October may be from a mindless life lived by most people, not paying attention, that is, not being mindful (automatically reactive, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, continuing relationships that are going nowhere, controlled by fear) – to a mindful life, a living in the present, paying attention, and having the courage to change the things that need to be changed.

    Is that what you are looking for?

    anita

    #117652
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your suggestions! I will follow up on both references.

    I agree with your statement about my life not being mindful. Your choice of description is spot on! I also agree that a more mindfulness is what I’m seeking. That and to answer for myself questions such as “what do I have within me that is worthy of giving to others that will make a difference and matter? how can I become a better person in my own eyes?and, at the end of my days, can I look at the life and say that I was able to live freely, with few regrets?”.

    There are many, many changes standing between the person that I am and the person that I want to become. I have much to learn. One reason that I appreciate a site such as this one is that, by reading the articles and postings from others, I see similar situations or feelings as I have. It helps me feel less alone in the challenges ahead.

    I also want to thank you, Anita, for your response to me and to others who have posted. When you reply to one, we all benefit from your advice and kindness! I look forward to more sharing.

    ~Shipp

    #117656
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shipp:

    You are welcome. I want to read your latest post more thoroughly tomorrow morning and reply then. Post here anytime. Hope others will reply as well. I will be back in about 12 hours.

    anita

    #117659
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Remember when I mentioned your words to others were heard by many? I have just found a posting “How can I love myself?” By Norit. Norit’s words describing his/her feelings of self jumped off the page at me!! I could copy and paste to describe how I see myself! I am currently reading your advice and the responses of Gary Smith with keen interest.

    There seems to be a difference in the time stamp on postings here and my local time. As it is midnight for me, I too will continue tomorrow (later today lol).

    ~Shipp

    #117676
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear shipp,

    I will suggest you the exact same book as Anita did – The Power of Now, By Eckhart Tolle

    Also, since you are already on the “How can I love myself?” thread, and it looks like most of the comments by the starter of the thread resonate with you then I suggest you the same thing as mentioned in the below post.

    (http://tinybuddha.com/topic/how-can-i-love-myself/page/2/#post-115352)

    Take care,
    VJ

    #117678
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear VJ,

    First, thank you for reading and responding to my post!

    Secondly, I have found and download The Power of Now, as suggested.

    Lastly, I have followed the links to the site that you suggested and have requested emails with the booklets.

    I have much reading to do and I’m sure that I will have more questions and thoughts to share. Please check in on me again soon as I would appreciate your perspective on my posts.

    ~Shipp

    #117679
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear VJ,

    A short, quick follow up:

    I just received and opened the booklets you recommended. The first title that caught my eye was ‘blocks to love’. I have a huge smile because the opening quote is by Rumi. I was reading Rumi when something sparked an idea for a Google phrase search, which lead me straight to this Tiny Buddha site. I suppose there is truth in “seek and you will find”.

    ~Shipp

    #117681
    VJ
    Participant

    🙂 nice to hear that on how the Universe is guiding you.

    Regarding the follow up posts….take a look at this follow up post for that same post 🙂
    (http://tinybuddha.com/topic/how-can-i-love-myself/page/2/#post-117674)

    Don’t let that stop you from having any questions and please feel free to write back but don’t let the thinking mind trick you….don’t allow it to say you that you will have more and more questions as you read else the mind has the capacity to take us into an infinite loop….keep things plain and simple as the action point explained in the above link.

    Take care,
    VJ

    • This reply was modified 4 years ago by VJ.
    #117696
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shipp:

    Thank you for your expressed appreciation of me. You are kind.

    Kind and eager. As you read, please keep in mind that everything you read has to be approved by you before you take it in as The Truth. Including, of course, what I write to you. Often enough, you read something someone writes and it makes perfect sense! And as it does, you may make the assumption that everything the person writes from now on must make sense. Often, not the case. So if something doesn’t feel right, challenge it and find out for yourself. It may be true, it may be true in certain context but not in another.

    Hope you post again and again.

    anita

    #117766
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear shipp,

    All that I have suggested to you (about having less of questions and more of the actual action “doing” part), is a response to what you have written to me, and I still stick to that. Please continue your questions/conversations/updates on the forums of the site.

    As a well wisher I want to suggest you to make sure you don’t reach a stage where you end up even challenging Eckhart Tolle (author of TPON book) or Aine Belton (writer of the booklets) or anyone else for that matter. Of course you can do that because you have the free- will to do so. But what a waste of time and energy that would be. Instead, as a learning process of life, check out for yourself if something works for you the best, and discard the rest. Yes, that learning too requires time but there doesn’t seem to be any option and takes positive energy as compared to simply questioning/challenging without any actual action. These are all traps of the egoic mind and you will get to know more on that in ‘The Power of Now’. If the book is too “heavy” to read for you then your consciousness is not yet ready for it and you may even come to it at a later stage at the right time. One can only point you to a particular direction, but going there and coming will be your job. No amount of explanation is going to help you in that case.

    If tablet A does not work for your fever but tablet B does, are you going to go to the level to question/challenge the manufacturer of the Tablet A or the doctor or the person at the chemist shop who suggested you the medicine. A wise person will not waste time and energy in all those things and instead start taking tablet B the next time. What a simple act that is. If you keep life as simple as that then you are going to lead a calm and peaceful life.

    Take care buddy,
    VJ

    #117767
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear VJ and Anita,

    I address these comments to you both as a means of acknowledgment to your valued input.

    I’m reading the Power of Now and I’d like to use this space as a means to formulate my own thoughts and understanding.

    The section that I’m referring to comes from ENLIGHTENMENT: RISING ABOVE THOUGHT. It refers to our view of self, or ego, stemming from our thoughts and I’ve just realized some things:

    1. My childhood was violent and explosive. A constant sense of walking on eggshells and fear of what may trigger the next parental explosion. I became extremely hypersensitive to choosing my words and actions carefully … but my thoughts were MINE. I gained a sense of power and control by being about to think whatever words I dare not say or daydream of how my life could be so much different, if only (insert here my idea at the time). My reasoning also included that “if I’m smart, then all the words you use to tell me how worthless I am won’t be true”.

    2. Part of my current problem is that I got stuck inside my own head. It’s true that my view of life falls into the past or of what I’ll do tomorrow. I’m great at making plans and lists for things I want or need to DO but tomorrow is always in the future and sadly, I accomplish nothing today. I’ve developed a fear of bringing what’s inside my head into action of the real world. In my opening post, I even said that I realize that the time we are allotted may be short and I felt a sense of urgency to live, or in other words DO, and yet daily, I procrastinate out of fear.

    I have much more to read and process but I’d like to use this posting board to work out what I’m learning about myself and my life. I welcome you both to share whatever comments you feel lead to share with me. I want to document my own growth and insights while also connecting with others who are either going through a similar journey or who have “been there, done that and here’s what I learned “.

    ~Shipp

    #117780
    Peter
    Participant

    I found myself returning to the following book
    ‘Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life’ by Philip Simmons

    “We are all—all of us—falling. We are all, now, this moment, in the midst of that descent, fallen from heights that may now seem only a dimly remembered dream, falling toward a depth we can only imagine, glimpsed beneath the water’s surface shimmer. And so let us pray that if we are falling from grace, dear God let us also fall with grace, to grace. If we are falling toward pain and weakness, let us also fall toward sweetness and strength. If we are falling toward death, let us also fall toward life.”

    #117781
    jock
    Participant

    From your post Shipp, I can see you have insight and self-awareness already. Message boards are a good way to learn to monitor and express what is on your mind.
    If I look back at some of my posts even 12 months ago, I see that I am in a slightly different space now. I didn’t have all the answers then and still don’t. My current view is that Christianity is better for my mental state than Buddhism.But I have to avoid some of the negative perspectives on Hell and damnation, to really embrace it.

    #117855
    castingman
    Participant

    Dear Shipp:

    I like your intent ” to use this space as a means to formulate my own thoughts and understanding.”

    You welcomed me to share, so here is a share: my childhood too was violent and explosive. I walked on egg shells. I was afraid a whole lot of the time and developed serious tics (Tourettes) and OCD. And I took refuge in daydreaming, lots of daydreaming.

    The gap between my fantasy and life-actually-lived was extreme. In my fantasy I was rich and famous; in real life, I was a lonely girl, twitching and performing OCD rituals to prevent the next violence, the greatest violence yet to happen.

    Everything was easy in fantasy, doable, successful. Far, far from it in real life.

    anita (using a different username and account)

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 105 total)

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