No it’s not mr successful I feel far from successful I feel a fraud and useless. I feel so bad about my behaviour but it’s like I have Tourette’s with the insults it happens so fast. I have  obsessive compulsive personality disorder for which I am taking medication and receiving therapyI don’t see it absolves me at all, the fear of losing control is so overwhelming I abuse everyone I hate myself

I think I want to do something solitary I was a barber for 20 years and now a chef  in a busy cafe a job I wouldn’t do unless I owned the business. So I think a nice methodical solitary job is in order for the rest of my days

I think it is that, but surely I must care about something and someone I’d be a pretty awful person if I didn’t. but I do behave pretty awfully so I’m told maybe that is why perhaps I don’t really care I’m just too afraid to be alone

I think it was when I was laying in bed next to my sister as a child in the dark wanting someone to talk to. That’s been the story of my life

I have rushed into every situation that I have found myself in to be honest with massive responsibilities and consequences. I have lived through them all and dealt with the hand I was given. But throughout all of it I just don’t know whether I was or am doing it for the right reasons and motives. I feel so guilty about this as there have been many lives affected by my actions

Can this recounting of my life help? I don’t know where it’s leading me is it just good to talk it all through. I always feel I need a definitive answer to my life problems

Hi thanks for your reply the only time I do feel ok is when on vacation. As you said the pressure I put on myself keeping my business successful is immense but there is no other way to do it that I can see. My children are at school and can not help. My business is a cafe where I am the chef I have tried to employ others but they are really not as good quality as I am. I think I will need to re think this business and look for another with a better life work balance.