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Thank you Alma. It took all of my strength to cut all contact with this woman but I think the pain was just too much and my instinct to self-preserve kicked in. I am still looking for answers though!
I have seen a few versions of this story with different endings. Basically what it tells me is to treasure what you already have. The trap of taking someone for granted is easy to fall into if you don’t make the effort to treasure them everyday. I am not quite sure whether I can personally identify with this story. I am still looking for answers. I am a long way from getting a divorce though.
Thank you for sharing.
Ok just a quick update on what has happened since my original post.
I am still married. I still have feelings for this woman but they have somewhat subsided. They are still there however. I still think about her everyday. I haven’t seen her for about 5 weeks which I think helped a lot. I decided to end all electronic communication with her. Because I am friends with her on Facebook I had to ‘unfollow’ her and block her from seeing any of my updates. I am still ‘friends’ on Facebook so as to not arise suspicion that something is up. This channel is now silent so hopefully this give me some peace and some space. It was a very difficult decision. What triggered it was her post about how she is trying to find a guy, a boyfriend if you like. I could not bear to read about this sort of stuff from her. It would only make matters worse. I made up a story in my mind that we have ‘virtually’ said goodbye to each other. I anonymously posted on her page how I wished her luck in her quest and ended with the words ‘goodbye’. When I typed ‘goodbye’ I meant it. In my mind at least it’s for good.
I’d love to be at least friends with her in real life but my feelings are just too strong. She has many friends already I would just be a tiny blimp on her radar anyway.
Thank you everyone once again.
Hi Carlos. I think we might be getting somewhere. You said: “you are projecting onto her, what you need”. I think I will have to go away and digest this for a while. I am still trying to wrap my head around it but my instinct tell me this might be the right direction to head. I looked up Karl Jung. I ended up buying one of his books ‘Memories, Dreams, Reflections’ so I am in the process of reading it. There is so much about psychology I don’t know! Thank you!
Hi Marilyn. “Your longing for her, seems to be a longing to know yourself” Wow, that’s deep. I am not sure I fully grasp this statement but it does seem to resonate with me because I do want to learn about myself more. I am really into yoga and sports which let me spend a lot of time with myself and contemplate what arises in my mind. I haven’t grasped what has happened to me as yet. Your insight might nudge me in the right direction though. Thank you for that.
Thanks Laura. With regards to people being amazing until you get to know them, yes, I did consider this. However my feelings towards her were so overwhelming that my usually logical mind could not direct its energy towards logical thinking. I had no spare energy left. All of it was taken up by my thoughts of her. I felt like I was just hit bit a freight train just lying there trying to pick myself up. You are right though. Jumping into something without thinking of the consequences would be dumb. After we met initially I actually waited about a week before I sent her my first e-mail. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to say something stupid and rushed. I wanted to send it straight away the next day but I waited and made sure I played it cool.
Test a few different different saddles to see what works best. Women’s specific saddles from Specialized are great.
If you feel unmotivated to ride just remember how great you always feel afterwards!
Ask questions. Lots of questions. Especially open-ended ones. Hopefully the other person opens up and you can have a deeper conversation. This usually works for me. I tend not to talk about myself and my point of view but instead I show the other person that I am interested in what they have to say. This usually makes them feel more at ease and my inquisitive nature is rewarded.
One of the best conversations I’ve had was about fear and overcoming it in face of hostile environment (e.g mountaineering) Getting to the root of what makes another person tick was fascinating. Talking around a fire seems to be conducive the great conversations. There is something about fire which is calming, soothing and makes people feel comfortable and at ease.