Dear Perry

First and foremost: it’s not shocking. And you’re not going to be alone forever. If you don’t wish to be.
Wanting companionship does not reek of desperation, it is a basic human need. And that’s totally okay!
Accept the fact that you would like a companion, but don’t stress too much. That will be noticeable.

Have you ever wondered if you exude that certain distance that makes it hard for people to come up to you?
Because if it’s your belief that you will be alone forever, that’s an attitude that is tangible. So please, accept that so far, it wasn’t in your story or journey to have met a companion. But everyone will find someone if they let the love in and believe they deserve it.

I mean, listen. I think I’m a pretty attractive young woman. I am now 25 and I was a virgin until I was 22. But because it was my choice, because I wasn’t ready for it. And my first relationship began shortly before I turned 23. So, I guess I’m a latebloomer. But I really don’t care. We’re not all gonna meet out soulmate at 16 and get married. And also not everyone is made to just have sexual encounters without meaning until they find someone worth staying for. We all have to go our own way and live our own story.

So, go out of your comfort zone and try to make friends. Meet people! Don’t expect to get married in 6 months (although who knows!) but be happy, bright and great – as you are anyways. Maybe sign up for some online dating sites, but see them as a game a playing field where you can practice talking to women.

I wish you the best! Don’t tell yourself you’re ALREADY 24 – you’re ONLY 24. You have so much life ahead of you! And so much love to experience. Excluding love from our lives might seem like a good idea to protect yourself from pain – but the pain of that regret, that remorse you WILL feel if you don’t at least try is much, much worse than any heartbreak.

MUCH LOVE Perry 🙂

xx

Dear Logan

I can relate to your struggles very much. Although my situation is different: I know what I want to do. I know exactly where I want to be. But I know in order to get there, I have to lead a “normal” and “boring” life until I get to live my dreams.
Instead of focusing on the negative of being like everyone else and leading a life you didn’t chose, try and make decisions in your private life and spare time away from work that excite you! Try and pick up a hobby, a sport, do some crafting or build something – whatever makes your heart shine 🙂 And then maybe you will find your passion – what is it in this world that makes you passionate, full of ideas, things you want to improve in your lifetime here? And then take baby steps from there so you can make your passion your job or your life one day.

I believe in you. All it takes is looking inward and finding out who you are and what drives you.

All the best 🙂
Helen

Dear jubeesoup

I totally understand what you’re going through. I’m a very emotional person and I can get attachted to messages, and contact in general before even meeting someone. And if the times you’ve met have been so great, it’s hard to understand why the other person would distance themselves. But just understand, that even if he didn’t have bad intentions, it might not have been so serious for him as it is for you. Because some people can get easily attachated and detachted. So beware of that. Protect yourself, even if it goes against your emotions at the time. Make sure you know what you want out of a relationship and what the other person wants.

Give him some space, maybe a week or so. Don’t text or call. And then ask for a meet up in person. Tell him you feel confused and a little hurt that he grew very distant very quickly.

Hope I could help you a little bit. All the best lovely!

xx
Namaste
Helen

I can’t agree with Anita. Actually from all I know, it states nowhere in the Bible that being gay is a sin. And even if…That book is too old and dusty to be taken serious. My humble opinion 😉 Life is so much bigger than this.

As far as your grandma: If you want to tell her, because you want her to know it, tell her. Don’t care about her reaction. She might say you’re going to hell, she might say she hates you for it, but you were honest to her and yourself. If you can’t live with that, then keep it to yourself. Not everyone in your life is going to have a big enough heart and worldview to understand and accept that you being gay does not change the kind of person you are. You are great, beautiful and smart – no matter what gender you love. You LOVE someone, that is huge! That’s fugxing amazing. Celebrate that. Enjoy and feed on that love and don’t let people drag you down.

I hope you’re doing well!
Much love
Helen

I am sorry you’re hurting so much. Can you elaborate on what happened? Of course only if you feel comfortable doing so. Families can be a tricky thing. It’s the people closest to our hearts that can disappoint us the most. Let yourself grieve, and feel anything you want to be feeling. After the first “shock” is over, try and see it from their side. Did you have expectations that can not really be met by anyone? Can you see your family members as human beings that have flaws and make mistakes, without the intention of hurting you?

I hope I could somehow help you and wishing you good luck!

All the best
Helen

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.