Sorry, I am just trying to let the song pass on its own. Last night was the first time the sounds in my head went quiet. I know the songs were driven by my own mind. Feelings that linger long after they are felt. Guess that is why most songs are about love. Anyway, the person watching this life is the same at 16 as at 60+. That hasn’t changed but the husk or shell has changed and renewed itself many times. So, what is it that I sit and practice quieting the mind? Sometimes the noise doesn’t want to relax and go. So, then I ask what am I? Not so much as a question to be answered rather as a way to see what am I really. That never disappeared. I am looking to rediscover it. To dwell inside the awareness of the watcher.

Ah, but life doesn’t stop. So, we trudge along and live the lives that make us who we are outside. I might turn into an grumpy old man. But, for now, got a wife and daughter to take care of. I don’t think my daughter will ever leave our house. I have got to think about setting up a trust to leave the house to her. Damn, the senior property tax discount might not apply?? Will need to talk to a lawyer. Hate that idea. Getting old and cynical.

The thing about Zazen for me is that it represents the actualization of enlightenment. Just sitting in the quiet. Emptiness. Not trying to do anything. Being the awareness without the mind prompting this is me being aware. No creeping vines from the mind into the peace. Yeah,m can’t be building anything as that is the mind doing the building. The meditation is a way for the mind to drop away. For the awareness to stop identifying with thoughts. This becomes the actualization of enlightenment. Practice this and the more moments of peace happens then eventually mindfulness all day. It transforms the practitioner.

Unfortunately for me, my mind has built up defenses like the unending song repeating in my head. Creeping vines of me saying it is me being aware of the moment. I can see the tricks the mind plays to keep in control. But, it also lets me see the path to dropping the mind. For it is the middle way. Not to hold on strong and let it slip away like sand in a fist holding on tightly. But, also, not loosely like powder in one’s hand when the wind blows.

I know that someday I will need a teacher if I am ever to move forward with my practice. Got nothing to do with this but, The Sounds of Silence just played on the radio. Now another song stuck. Maybe it will be quiet this time.

If I am out of line then please just ignore me.

Peter,

There definitely is a social norm that we must follow which keep us from asking questions. However, I have found that on forums, there is no direct embarrassment cause the person can ignore the question. Which is what I expected, to be ignored. But, having got an answer, I am grateful to Anita for answering. And feel closer to her cause she took the time to answer.

Anita,

Yes, thank you for your answer. It seems to be like many things. When the proper conditions arise, it happens. I always thought if I got drunk enough and in with a bunch of friends that I might get a tattoo. But, that never happened for me. And I really don’t know what I would get. I mean it is going to be there always. Well, thank you for answering. Hope it went well and keep it clean while it heals.

My own path or practise has hit a wall of sorts. When I get close to the silence, my brain goes off on a song. It could be any song. Populars songs where I know most of the lyrics. They stick in my head and won’t let go. So, I will be reading a post and then this song comes in and I got to write some of the lyrics to get it out. I am sorry if that upset anyone.

The one thing that sets humans apart from the animals is language. Without it, everyone is alone and struggling to survive. It may be like a prison but the benefits of language far outweigh the negatives. In fact, you language in your posts have presented beautiful thoughts. However, the Buddha tried so hard to keep one from drowning in thoughts, to keep one from identifying with thoughts. From meditation practice to being mindful all day long, this is what helps one experience the truth of one’s nature. Often sitting there pondering the subject of what am I.

Life, So they say
Is but a game and they’d let it slip away
Love, Like the autumn sun,
Should be dying but it’s only just begun
Like the twilight in the road up ahead
They don’t see just where we’re going
And all the secrets in the universe
Whisper in our ears all the years will come and go
Take us up, always up
We may never pass this way again
We may never pass this way again

Dreams, So they say
Are for the fools and they let ’em drift away
Peace like the silent dove
Should be flying but it’s only just begun
Like Columbus in the olden days
We must gather all our courage
Sail our ships out on the open seas
Cast away our fears and all the years will come and go
Take us up, Always up
We may never pass this way again
We may never pass this way again

So, I wanna laugh while the laughing is easy
I wanna cry if it makes it worthwhile
I may never pass this way again
That’s why I want it for you

Those who observe Ramadan must abstain from eating from the early hours of dawn til dusk. It is meant to bring one closer to God. Personally, I do not think I could do that. Find myself camped out at the fridge all day. One might think being diabetic might make it easier to control the diet. It doesn’t. Too high or too low levels of blood sugar can be very detrimental. Guess I may never be as close to God as some. Bless you all.