I hope I didn’t scare her off with my warning. But, many times women don’t see it from the man’s point of view. Well hope she is alright and will come back to talk.

Thank you. Peace be with you.

When I was younger, I was taught about self observation. Watching myself and how anger or hatred develops in myself. First the feeling of being wronged. Then the thoughts to support those emotions. How those things became ever so present and up front of my existence. How they became the only thing that mattered. It took an ever present mind set or mindfulness. When .I was able to see it for myself, it lost power over me. I was able to learn to let it go. Then learning to meditate and the practice would set up space between thoughts. But, the mind was always one step ahead. Creeping vines into my head space. The perpetual mind sets up the I who is doing the watching or being alert and aware. So, even while trying to drop the I, I develop an I to hold onto that. One trap into another trap. Eventually, I hope to drop this thinking mind and see the truth.

Lately it is just memories of the past that haunt me so. And so, the music of those times comes up. Some good memories and some sad ones. I certainly do hope that Anita is able to forgive her mother and that would then allow her to feel free of those memories. I don’t know if music will help. Its not far down to paradise. At least its not for me. And if the wind is right you can sail away. Find tranquility. Oh, the canvas can do miracles. Just you wait and see. Believe me. Its not far to never never land. Soon I will be free. Sailing by Christopher Cross.

Dear Roberta,

Yes, it was a song. Sorry if it brought up bad memories. The song came to me while reading this thread. I don’t know why I posted the lyrics. It was just how I was feeling. I hope you get a chance to listen to the song.

Songs have always represent moments in my life. This one was on the radio when I was longing for a girl who had broken my heart. Confused seems to hold feelings that might might relate. Hopefully, you will listen to the song and just feel something.

In a little while from now, if I’m not feeling any less sound, I promised myself to treat myself, to visit a nearby tower. And climbing to the top, throw myself off. In an effort to make it clear to whoever wants to know what it’s like to be shattered. Left standing in a lurch at a church where people people saying my God that’s tough she stood him up. No point in us remaining. We may as well go home as I did on my own. Alone again naturally.

The mind is use to doing whatever it wants to do. Trying to control the mind makes it jump around more. Much like a wild animal, it does not want to be controlled. But, after starting meditation, one begins to find calmness and peace. It takes time and practice. The more practice the better you get at developing concentration. The better the concentration, then you can control yourself moment to moment. It is not an easy thing to do. After a while, one might begin to straighten things in one’s life.

The emotions arise and pass along. That is life. One is not happy all the time. One becomes happy and then soon one becomes calm. One becomes disturbed and then one becomes quiet, undisturbed. All things change. Just don’t cling to one moment’s emotions. Understand it and then move forward. Remember it but move on. Another emotion will come along. It isn’t what you feel at the moment but how you feel in general.

One moment crying about how much you love her and think about her. Then next moment, the feeling drops and you don’t understand why that happened. Change happens. One moment you have happiness but you can not be happy all the time. One always needs to reset and then can be happy again. The more you feel the happiness then the more you can move forward and evolve with it.

Emotions can be force to change when one is intimidated by close contact. But, people can get use to anything. Try being with her and then let the memory help you enjoy those moments. Then you will experience joy and then calm. Next time you get to be close again then you will enjoy it more. The repetition helps. Experience the joy.

Some men are afraid of that initial sexual contact due to fear that they are not enough and will disappoint their partner. This can happen more if there has been very little sexual experience. Not knowing if the self is enough. Lacking the self-confidence. But, if one can get thru the initial fright then a much more deeper connection can be made. Relationships are made to evolve. If you hold back and only have this platonic relationship then it will wither due to her not getting the closeness from sexual contact. And yes, the frightening sexual factor can lead to the emotional shut down. Fright can lead to drop everything and run. From my perspective, if you are all in then you need to give it your all. Let her know how you feel about her. Then take her reactions to show you if you can move forward. Listen to her. If she says stop then stop. If she lets you continue then show her you care about her.