Steve, being rejected is never easy. It is Hard. I think you have some real insight into why that may have happened. Yet, logic isn’t always apparent in other peoples feelings or why they feel a need to move forward or to stop. Sometimes it can be internal sociological responses to something she may have had in a previous relationship or something small like how you make her feel no passion. I don’t know and won’t guess as it really doesn’t matter in the long term goals you are wanting for yourself. When people tell us how they feel, we need to believe it and just move on. Your energy is better served by accepting her decision, grieving the possibilities and losses, and moving on. The sad thing is regardless of how one person feels, it never works unless both are in it with the same amount of passion and dedication. She couldn’t give you that, but there is someone who will. The mistake we all make is when we are hurt, we withdraw. Receiving and accepting love is courageous, especially after rejection. You sound so very wonderful, I would hate to see you give up and not put yourself out there for the woman who will feel equal amounts of love and respect that you will feel. Let go of the could have been woman with equanimity and compassion and focus on pulling someone who wants the same thing as you to as in the Laws of Attraction. Good luck.

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Tir.

Have you considered just letting it be without judging it? Just calmly let the tears come and look at it with curiosity in how amazing your spiritual cleansing is that you are feeling it during meditation? Sometimes we just need to feel it, observe it with compassion and curiosity and let it go. It is ok to grieve an opportunity and relationship as lost, and to learn from it what you need to learn from it.

There is only one way to get through hell….to keep walking until one day you come out of the other side. Ask for support from people, your church, your friends, anyone who is compassionate and understanding. Also, be nurturing and self care right now because often when we are going through a rough patch we neglect ourselves and that only serves to make things worse. Get out and exercise, shop for a new job or go back to the old one, and if you can, find someone to talk to who isn’t in the situation with you. This is the time to try to reach out and find support. I’m sending you positive energy and lots of caring. I’m so sorry you are going through so much right now.

Any negativity is an impediment to peace. Can you speak to him to find out what his payoff is in doing this? Maybe he has some issues he needs understanding and compassion with. I would try to speak with him to find out why he needs to do this. If this is just his personality, you may have to distance yourself emotionally from his reflections and tune out his negativity. The other thing you can do is to ask him not to criticize around you as it messes with your chi.

I think this post could have been written by many people who search for meaning and a lasting loving relationship. Everything you described, aside from coming out, sounds a lot like my own struggles for different reasons. Trust isn’t something I learned about because of my own childhood which was filled with abuse. I had no idea how one loved others when I was having a hard time loving myself due to abandonment and emotional abuse.
It really sounds like you are on a wonderful path filled with finding yourself. Like attracts like and so when I became my authentic self and dealt with my childhood abuse, I became someone who was in love, in love with herself. I finally figured out that love isn’t so much a Feeling as actions that were relevant and present everyday. Actions spoke louder than words. The almost guys were preparing me for the just right guy who has been my rock and my partner for twenty years. Without all of those close but not exactly men, you would never be able to figure out who you are and what you need to do in order to feel whole, valued and connected. In other words, you wouldn’t be the man you are today. Searching and seeking with loving kindness is finding meaning in ourselves to share with another soul. Thanks for sharing your story.

Bunny, an absent opposite sex parent can be devastating to a child’s development, and even at 16, she is still a child. A certified therapist who deals with divorce and an absent parent could help your daughter see where she is getting her need for outside male validation. She doesn’t have to wait until college to work on her issues, she actually would be safer and more open to it with you around to help her through therapy. Make sure she knows that your door is always open and you aren’t being judgmental, just concerned. I think you are a super mother. So many people go through their entire lives trying to be validated by their peers and strangers. You can really help her find the tools she needs to deal with feelings of self loathing and low self esteem that abandonment issues bring about. Good luck.

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Tir.

There has to be a balance in relationships. It isn’t all about changing ourselves for others but working together on compromises that both can feel good about. No One should be callous or verbally abuse you. That worries me more than anything and I would caution you to not be bullied and nagged into losing your voice and your desires. Egolessness doesn’t mean giving your power or voice to someone else. You Might want to reconsider a relationship that causes this much angst and feels so toxic. Change is something we all do to become better people, not to check the boxes of people whom we feel are controlling us and verbally abusing us. That isn’t what love and commitment are about.