This post has come at the perfect time for me. My daughter has suffered from depression since a teenager. She has recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I don’t know how to support her. Over the years I have tried my best to support her but I don’t think I’ve enabled her just tried to support her emotionally.

The part of your post that I could relate to was the bit about your daughter agreeing to your advice/guidance then not following through. That is exactly what my daughter is like.

I have now decided to take a step back and not give advice/guidance. She is now under the care of a psychiatrist so I am leaving her in the hands of the professionals.

It is reassuring to read another’s experience of trying to help someone when they have a mental health problem. It is so difficult. As I have had my own struggles in the past and also have a chronic health condition, I have realised that the best approach is for me to concentrate on my own well being first.

I agree wnishin. I, too believe that all paths lead to the same being or universal spirit. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.

Nichole – your work colleague is showing his ignorance and flaunting his own ego when he says  ‘anyone who is not Christian is incapable of morality’. I am shocked that he has studied philosophy at college and still has such a closed mind. I studied philosophy and theology at university and I believe that if a person goes to into higher education and comes out with a closed mind then they have wasted their time. The whole idea of education is to open peoples’ minds. That’s not to say that they shouldn’t have a belief system but at least they have thought it all through and are aware and have respect for others’ beliefs.

Don’t waste your energy of getting angry with your colleague. He needs your pity for being so closed minded.

Hi,You have already been given some great advice. The main thing is to keep you and your children safe. Neither you or your children deserve to live like this. Are you seeing a counsellor? You need some support and your self-esteem needs building up. This man has convinced you that you have nothing to offer. Please take no notice of him!! You deserve so much better. You need space in order to make yourself strong. I would go to a solicitor and only have contact through him. On no account see this man face-to-face. Anything to do with your children should be done through the solicitor. Life is too short for you to waste on this man. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean that it is healthy for us to be in a relationship with them. Everything else has to be right too.

It will be hard at first but please don’t weaken. I have been were you are and believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel. This man has had plenty of opportunity to change. Any man who abuses his pregnant partner is not worth the time of day!! Please, please get the help and support you need for yours and your childrens’ sake.

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your comment. I don’t consciously do anything different but after what I experienced I promised not to  allow anyone to make me feel so helpless again. I see my partner and I as two seperate people who choose to be together. We have been together 24/7 for six years now and it still works!! When I first got with my partner I told him what I had been through and that I had promised myself that if anyone treated me in that way again I would be out the door. So he knew the score from the beginning. Luckily I have met a caring, thoughtful person and we are very compatible. We have the same values and outlook on life but have our disagreements too!!

We have been through tough times and we are both still working through the aftermath of trauma but we still find the humour in life and appreciate each other. I know I could live without him. It would be difficult and it would take time but I know that I would be ok on my own. Some people wouldn’t understand that way of thinking but like I’ve said, we all have to love ourselves and put our mental and physical welfare before anyone else. I expect my partner to do the same. I am still suffering the damaging effects both physical and mental from my last relationship. (I now have a chronic health condition which is worsened by any emotional stress.)

My ex had a lot of emotional issues which she took out on me. I tried and tried to help her and I fought to keep the relationship but it takes two to make a relationship work. I realised that I was not responsible for sorting out her issues. Yes, I could support her but it was her responsibility to sort out her ‘stuff’.

Anyway, I hope that is of some help to you.

Anne.

Yes, I’d be interested in this but I like to choose what I read so perhaps we could all talk about the book we are currently reading.