@Jay2023 was mothers day so had a jam packed weekend to pamper my mum at home so didn’t get chance to reply sooner.

When we are inexperienced in relationships we always are in the grass is greener on the other side frame of mind. However, the grass is greener where you water it. It’s about recognising the essential qualities needed in a good partnership and compromising on the shortfall. If your previous relationship entailed you walking away from something worth working with, I’m not surprised you’re in this predicament.  Can i ask why you regret it exactly, did you hurt your ex?

It could be you wanting to do it right this time is making you accept anything incase you don’t get better.

Don’t live with a scarcity attitude it makes you settle for less than you deserve because in this situation how you’ve described her, it’s clear she has been stringing you along and treated you poorly after all you did.

Don’t go off on the other extreme end either, in wanting everything because relationships require nourishing and growth. Real love is not an instant spark and when you’re inexperienced you place emphasis on the physical connection rather than focusing on who you are when you’re with the person.
A healthy partnership brings out the best version of you, you don’t stress about how the other person feels because there’s strong communication, understanding and you are able to keep a strong sense of self because you’re not forced to appease to retain the relationship. Give and take is equal. It can take the tiniest spark but real love develops creates slow lasting burn.

I really understand your pain of longing for someone. It does get better, I promise. You start to learn to live without them. One day you realise how strong you’ve been, how many days have passed and then you can really focus on further improvements within. Of course it will hurt severing an attachment. That’s normal and you have it harder as it may be with more than one person , you may have become enmeshed in her whole life as you got to know the children. So go easy on yourself.

I disagree with Danny, men and women can not be friends if a line has been crossed. If they do it means neither of them loved each other, or one still does. Also if sexual desire was involved to go back to platonic would require both of you to have fully moved on. Even then sometimes given the right set of circumstances if there’s been strong chemistry in the past you could run the risk of setting yourselves alight, if you lack control physically. So you’re better off just parting ways for good. It will heal you quicker.

Once you get to a stage when you feel nothing at all then by all means enquire about her, if you still care. But in most cases people’s caring nature is fickle as the perceived love, they stop caring if they’re not getting anything out of it. So you may find once you reach a stage of not wanting her romantically, you realise you don’t really care much either. It’s rare to find the genuine ones that still care after all is said and done.

Love will enter your life unexpectedly, when you think you’re done with relationships, when you’re in the pits, life will make you cross someone who will awaken all those feelings. But if you’re not ready and haven’t done the work on yourself you’ll self sabotage and ruin your own chances. That’s why although it’s very easy to hop back on the saddle, you should heal, work on you so you don’t screw up the right opportunity.

You’re not old at all, you’re lucky as a man you can get to 60 and still have an opportunity to procreate. You don’t have that ticking time bomb us women have.

I would say get to a stage where you’re happy being alone, then when love enters you can choose better. Right now you’re desperate and are choosing the wrong option just to fill that void within you.

Well done for owning your soft side, Danny is correct that a lot of men perceive it as a weakness. A strong intelligent woman will see it as a strength in a man because with that sensitivity usually comes an attentive, caring and nurturing partner and that’s what you need in long term relationships. Looks fade, sex dies down inevitably but if you can’t find comfort in your partner or emotional intimacy then what’s the point?

So don’t feel like @Tim1 did that you have to hide that part of you. The right fit will appreciate every aspect of you and value that, not manipulate that side to seek attention, ego boost etc.

If she contacts you again. Don’t be afraid to be firm. People treat you the way you allow them to.

If that connection was deep and meaningful then I do hope one day you get to the place where you understand that you can’t fit together but still care for her as a friend.

Don’t stop believing, you have to have hope. None of us are perfect but we have the gift of starting a new day and being better than yesterday. As long as you keep self improving you will reach a place where you soul is happy.

I’m glad you have a good friend to lean on, those who love us always get upset when we make stupid choices but that’s because they deeply care. You’re lucky to have people around you who do care and want you to do better. Hold and cherish those bonds.

If you can’t stomach anything because of the anxiety and nausea @Shelbyville once advised to @Luciel I think that a bar of chocolate is a start. Dont let yourself spiral.

Feel your emotions and let them pass through,don’t suppress. You’re entitled to feel how you feel. But don’t dwell in it. Heartbreak really sucks but you will rise up again. Nothing is permanent not even the negative feelings! X