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Lucie

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #369874
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Shelbyville As you know I’ve read this entire thread, for a long time I was a silent observer scared to share my thoughts after my own trauma and abuse. Your thread inspires me, so it is so beautiful to read you are in love again. I’m so glad this time the adoration is being expressed and returned. I would love to read more about this man who has made you so happy, do you think he is ‘the one’?  It just really inspires me and gives me hope.

    My heart could explode reading your news @Tim. Many congratulations on the baby news!

    @Kkasxo We are more than our trauma as the above poster said. We will get there. Stay strong and we too have brighter days ahead.

    #368326
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Kkasxo thank you so much for your input, the anxiety is caused by the trauma from the relationship but the nausea alongside it has just become apparent. I’ll try all your suggestions. I very much appreciate the guidance.

     

    @Shelbyville will be ecstatic when she picks up you are back online and active. You two have been a great source of inspiration, guidance and relatable to many since the beginning of this thread. Also happy belated birthday, many happy returns x

    #368296
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Shelbyville It has been an exhaustive week, it’s nice to read someone understands. Thank you very much for the homeopathic suggestions. I’ll try both and I hope they help, I will let you know how I get on. I’ve been eating ginger biscuits @Sammy and although the nausea is there still, it is something I can stomach without heaving.

    @Kkasxo it’s wonderful to see you online. I was the one asking about PTSD and any help to cope with feeling nauseous from the anxiety.

    I hope you are all doing well. The current pandemic is testing but make the most of what you can. I am trying to concentrate on shifting my focus to realising the things that bring me peace and joy.

    There’s many holidays coming up to enjoy Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. What better time to be with our loved ones and grateful for those who never stop caring no matter how broken we are. Wishing you have happy holidays ahead!

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by Lucie.
    #368045
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Sammy – God bless you, you are lovely. I appreciate the time you take to read and help regardless of if you have experience. It’s very generous of you.

    From the above post, it reflects how wonderful and generous you are that’s why your ex in laws still value you, there are very few people in this world who care so selflessly. I don’t mean to skim over it but the nausea for me is making it very difficult to focus my thoughts. However, I would like to add that you really do deserve someone who never takes those attributes for granted and reminds you every day how amazing you are. I hope you find resolution and peace.

    @Shelbyville once again thank you so much for replying. It made me laugh but I’m definitely not pregnant! The nausea from the anxiety is making things impossible. It sometimes feels like a never ending nightmare. I get a brief break only to have something else crop up to cause havoc.

    Not too sure I’ve ever experienced a double decker bar, is it especially helpful? I am taking St John’s Wort which has helped but the new nausea has become unrelenting! How are you, you ask about everyone but are you okay too?

    • This reply was modified 3 months ago by Lucie.
    #367940
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Sammy thank you for your response and input. You are very kind, it’s worth a try. Yes, I read @Tim’s message, his insight is missed. Carry on with your progress, you’ve done great!

    I’m very patient but I can see why you wait a response eagerly. You have really taken @Shelbyville and @Tim advice and utilized it to better yourself. You have really helped one another. I hope that continues for you.

    #367883
    Lucie
    Participant

    Hello all,

    @Sammy your progression by yourself is remarkable. You should be very proud and I believe forgiveness is key. I couldn’t forgive my mom entirely until we met in person and I conveyed the damage and was heard. A sincere apology is always in person. Now you were able to really express what had been eating away on the inside and given an acknowledgement. This will be a turning point in your journey. Continue to stay away from the alcohol and your inner self will go from strength to strength. Good luck.

    @Shelbyville it is a great sight to read you have found stability, if anyone deserves it, it’s you. I hope this relationship is the right one and gives you everything you need and more. You are very special so don’t settle for less. I think reading your advice to Sammy indicates how far you’ve come on your original journey – the ex. It took a lot of ups and downs but you got there, again you should be proud for fighting through.

    I’m in a better phase than I was, since building bridges, I have more support. I came online to ask @Kkasxo or @Shelbyville if with panic attacks or ptsd, you ever experienced intense nausea. When I’m faced with it now I feel sick and almost have to force myself to throw up to settle the feeling. Any advice?

    #367178
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Tim

    It never ceases to amaze me the kindness of people who are struggling themselves. I do not wish to discuss myself in great detail but to give you some positive news I have started to build bridges with my mom and if things go smoothly it will open up extra avenues of help for me especially for the trauma-related symptoms. I have also started taking St Johns Wort a herbal alternative to Zoloft, it has helped so far. I have found single care coupons that can get me Zoloft for $9 instead of $100 without health insurance if needs be, I finally feel there’s been a break in the dark clouds.

    Above all, I really wanted to say I’m sorry to hear you have been experiencing personal woes and such a difficult time with Rupert’s loss. I would like to return your kindness towards me and offer you a shoulder to lean on too. You offer so much of your time and advice and never ask for anything in return. I would like to let you know although I’m not altogether there myself you all especially yourself and @Shelbyville made me feel like there was more to me than my trauma. I’m here to listen and help you too if needed. Before Rupert’s passing, it appeared you needed advice from the ladies, amongst the issues it got dismissed. Is there anything I can help with please as a thank you for the extreme kindness you have shown me.

    @Sammy

    I know what it feels like to not be physically alone, but mentally feel like there is no one in sight. Being inside your head can feel like solitary confinement, we become prisoners of our own thoughts. So please keep posting, there is a lot of love for you as displayed by @Shelbyville and @Tim. Don’t give up.

    @Shelbyville

    Thank you so much for Sarah Blondin Insight app recommendation, meditation is calming. Mostly thanks for the continued empathy and encouragement you have shown me. Your last response to me believe it or not made me feel worthy, made me feel like the old me even if it was a fleeting moment. I just wish after reading silently you also reach a place where you tackle your root problem and feel self-worth. I’m sorry that things have become overwhelming but you are a fighter and this is just a small bump in the road. I hope things will begin to look clearer and you’ll realise your worth and stand up for yourself and needs too, make decisions that put your peace of mind first. How are you finding work and your relationship since being back on the drugs? Does it help the anxiety significantly and give you a clear perspective?

    Warm hugs to all

    #366556
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Shelbyville
    Even though I’m running on empty in every aspect monetary, mind, body soul, I’m fighting. I’m trying. Thank you so much for sending positive energy to help in my battle.

    I appreciate the responses from you. I do have a cellphone and have downloaded the insight timer app with Sarah Blondin. Thank you so much for the recommendation and I hope it eases the anxiety and panic attacks. The greying out of the trauma has started to help reduce the intensity a little. Thank you.

    I’m planning on getting either Prozac or Zoloft but at the moment living paycheck to paycheck. I have some life decisions to make and it may be good for me. I left home at a young age but my mom reached out to me recently. Lots of bridges to build, so I’m not sure and confused if it may make my condition worse?

    Thank you for allowing me to post on your thread and making my voice feel heard. When you’ve gone from once being a college graduate, good job to allowing someone to have the power to make you feel belittled and dumb, you too start to believe your own worthlessness.

    I feel so broken I don’t ever see myself getting out of this because of the after-effects the trauma has left, but I hold onto that little hope that maybe one day the clouds will break and let some light shine through. In my brief moments of reprieve, I dream of what it could be like if I could just get over this hurdle. And I tell you when you’ve had your fair share of broken hearts and traumatic messy relationships, you know that there are many more important things to consider than getting those butterflies in your stomach when meeting someone new.

    I do agree with the opinion of others, I want to say there’s a point in your life when you will realize chemistry becomes a bonus rather than a necessity. Even I understand if I ever want to have a fulfilling relationship it requires letting go of the Hollywood ideals shoved down our throats which make you believe the idealized version experienced in the “honeymoon phase.” where it’s fun and romantic will last forever, but it always ends. It’s fickle as Hollywood itself.

    Looking for someone who will make you feel like they are home when you are happy or lost, is the most important thing. Home should be a place where you are surrounded by love and feel safe always. Look for a person that wants to build you up and support you, full of admiration for you even if you are broken, if someone makes you feel like that but there’s no physical chemistry initially with time in his/her company everything will grow. If I ever find the light at the end of this tunnel and seek a relationship that’s what I will look for and if I find it, I’ll be wise enough to never let it go. Lessons I’ve learned the hard way.

    The bitter truth is if you’ve had bad relationships like me, then it’s very very likely because of something YOU do. Accepting this will give you enormous power to do something about it if you are ready and seeking a relationship because it’s actually within your control to change.

    Sometimes we feel so lonely and want something to work so badly that we disregard the red flags and signs, we make bad choices. We are too nice or see good in people who are actually bad for us. We are selfish and immature. Growth and maturity are learning how to walk away from situations or people that threaten your peace of mind, values, and morals. This shows self-worth. It’s not easy but doing it shows strength and courage. Just my two cents. Makes me feel a little liberated to see there is more to me then I am currently.

    Thank you again.

    @Tim I extend my gratitude to you too, I hope your grief eases and you are surrounded by love. Rupert and you are in my thoughts.

    @Sammy We haven’t spoken but you helped to get a response for me, I hope your journey continues to be smooth sailing from here on in. You have improved a tremendous amount. Thank you for your love.

    #366332
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Shelbyville Thank you so much for your reply given how overwhelmed you are lately. I experience the exact same flooding then my heart feels like it’s in my throat and slowly my windpipe is squeezing until I feel I can’t breathe. Sometimes it is so suffocating I feel like this is it, I’m going to die. Strange how at that moment I want it to ease and have a will to live but when the sleep paralysis and flashbacks happen I desperately want to disappear forever. The technique of fading out or greying out the memory of the trauma is something I will try because it is still so vivid.

    Thanks to your advice I’m leaning on more people now. I know I can’t go through this alone any longer. I do want to beat this. Reading your experience with medication no longer makes it sound daunting.

    I want to say this thread created by you has kept me going. Reading you fight and persevere through years inspired me to keep that little hope.

    I haven’t ever commented on your situations because I thought who would want to hear from someone as messed up as me. I want to say I really hope you realise you don’t stay upset for long and you don’t give up.  You deserve someone who wants you and makes you feel special because the most precious gift is time. Invest that time in someone who takes time to reply even when they have so much going on, when someone checks on your wellbeing without you asking. Time and attention are gifts that are priceless. You have given so much of your time back to people like me and you are appreciated and loved for it and that’s why I don’t take it for granted. You deserve to find that person who gives you time too, the one who wants to be in your company and makes you feel special. The right people will want us and love us even if we are broken, and we will not want them we will push them away thinking how can they see something in the real us what is wrong with them. We will chase after the ones who don’t want us to validate our distorted view of us being crazy and unlovable.

    Time is so precious.

    @Tim I read your reply, touched beyond words by your kindness. At this moment I want you to grieve, my condolences and deep felt sympathy for your loss of your dog Rupert. Hope you meet again in heaven.

    @All Thank you so much for giving me your time to respond, listening without judgement and helping me without entitlement.  I will never be able to repay it in person. So the best I can do is fight if not for me but for all those who cared enough to push me to keep hope and helped at a very dark time in my life. I will be forever indebted. 

    #365885
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Sammy thank you so very much for trying to help. Your love and support means a lot to me even if you haven’t experienced anxiety and PTSD. I think you come across as a good person, really try not to let the alcohol win. Alcohol ruins so many lives 🙁

    @Shelbyville thanks to your thread it has provided me hope i never spoke but I have followed silently and lived through it as it helped me to detach for moments from my own problems and not feel alone. I am ashamed to admit i tried to grow through the advice and tips you and @Kkasxo got and therapy tips the best I could. Your progress is what encourages me to hold on. I’m sorry that my pain increasing lately means i forgot everyone still has their own things going on. I didn’t mean to put any pressure on anyone else. Sorry.

    @Tim thank you so much for the time and advice you give and the fact you want to help through becoming more informed. It helps me hold and fight so much knowing a stranger is willing to do so much for another stranger.

    I’m trying , I really trying to push on but I’m tired, it hurts and its hard. The break up broke me enough but on top of that the sleep paralysis where if i fall asleep I wake up petrified unable to move, panic attacks are just increasing with more triggers and now living nightmare of experiencing vivid flashbscks during the day. I just want to push off it wouldn’t matter to anyone any way then i see people helping and kindness in this thread. I feel ashamed. I’m so tired.

    #365369
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Kkasxo @Shelbyville are you still active? Please help me today I tried to do some normal activities and called over a few friends, at night I’ve had these vivid attacks where i feel paralysed but during the day nothing to this extent i dont know what and how. I’m so scared, it felt like the trauma was happening all over again. I tried to tell myself It’s not real but it caused me to feel like i couldn’t breathe. my friends stayed with me held my hand and fanned me until i was able to come out why is this happening during the day too? What do i do? no one knows and ive just been crying all evening. I can’t live my life like this.

    #365159
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Tim that is one of the kindest gestures I have ever been offered and you don’t know how much you have touched a strangers heart. I am just scared to open up as I don’t know how i’ll cope once things have been spoken out. Thank you for taking so much of your time to explain about trust and why I may be wanting to go back. I am scenario one, my scars are deep but I still want him.

    Thank you @Kkasxo for the PTSD help the forum recommended makes me feel less alone, less like damaged goods. Did you try anything like CBTor EMDR?

    @Shelbyville I often wonder was I always prone to not being able to handle things without feeling the loss of control or was it the trauma I experienced in my relationship which led me to spiral?

    I know you went back to your ex x3 do you still remain in contact even after all that has happened? Or is it impossible?

    Thank you so much for your youtube recommendations and free coaching, i’ll definitely look into that. I can not afford therapy after this covid pandemic, I’m just about surviving to keep a roof over my head.

    The tablets do they cause any other side effects I’m really struggling with the sleeping and panic attacks so eventually might need to save and look into medication. How long were you on them for?

    Thank you so much for your thread it has been so useful.

    #364450
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Kkasxo thank you so much for your reply! You don’t know how much it helps. Actually this whole thread by @shelbyville has kept me going. I’ve been trying to cope by this all myself. To read you managed to adapt and survive a combination of PTSD, anxiety and depression without meds has given me so much needed hope. I can’t afford meds or therapy but i was scared i would end up drugged up to my eyeballs to survive. I know it helps so many but I rather try the above recommendation then become reliant on medication. You are such a fighter. Thanks for the advice on the PTSD forum. I’ll definitely check it out.

    If any other questions come up can i message you on here?

    #364333
    Lucie
    Participant

    @Kkasxo

    I forgot to ask, do you take any meds for PTSD? If yes do you recommend it?

    #364202
    Lucie
    Participant

    @KKasxo thanks so much for replying, I do feel like a broken or damaged person seeing a way out is difficult, some days the PTSD alongside the anxiety makes life feel like it is strangling me and I’m gasping for breath, I think these are panic attacks? Sometimes I do think would it be better to just end it here but I can’t let him win. I can’t. Not when all I wanted was to have someone who loved me.

    I’ve been suffering for while now, did you find therapy was a big role in getting to a stable place? I suffer so bad with sleep paralysis along with the trauma that haunts me throughout the day and I’m frightened to even sleep.

    I do hope it gets a little easier, I don’t know how much more I can take. Its good to read you have made improvement.

    Do the flashbacks become less real or are they just as sharp but spaced out?

    @shelbyville do you still take medication for anxiety? Does it help with the darker thoughts. any free webinars or online people you can recommend to follow to help ? I live alone, no real support as I left home when i was 16, I have one bestie who earlier months was my saviour but she has her own issues now with a complicated pregnancy etc and not being able to help her back because I’m still caught in my storms hurts so much that I pushed her away.

    @Tim i couldn’t ask you to do that, you pay for your therapy to help you. Thanks so much. I will look at Support IV

    Tim our circumstances are so different but you seem the furthest through your journey and so wise, if someone hurt you can you really trust or be close to someone again? Is normal to want to return to with someone that hurt you?

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