fbpx
Menu

Posts tagged with “arguments”

I Thought I Was Protecting My Peace, But I Was Just Avoiding Conflict

By

“Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.” ~Brené Brown

If the title of this post gets under your skin, don’t worry, it gets under mine, too. I have a fierce aversion to conflict. That doesn’t mean I won’t engage in it, but it does mean that I’m very open to any suggestion that might give me license to not engage in it.

So, when I learned the phrase “protect your peace,” I found myself particularly drawn to it.

The concept …

We’re Simply Communicating

By

How to Transform Your Relationship by Feeling Your Feelings

By

It was late at night, and my husband and I were having an argument about the same subject we’d been arguing about for two decades—cooking and cleaning.

The argument seemed to come out of nowhere. We were having a nice evening together, the kids were asleep, we were watching a movie and chatting. And then all of a sudden, the conversation went off on a tangent, and it felt like the ground we were standing on suddenly split and a deep dark cavern opened up between us.

Here we were now, standing on either side, an insurmountable ravine between us, …

How to Overcome Relationship Conflict with the Internalized Other Practice

By

“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” ~John Steinbeck

In the early stages of my relationships, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the other person was thinking. Hours of pondering whether they liked me, over-analyzing every text message, and worrying that every fight meant it was over.

Over time, in a good long-term relationship, these challenges settle down. While longevity is not the only marker of a successful relationship, feeling safe and comfortable with someone over a decent stretch of time is undoubtably lovely. All those fear-based worries and insecurities fade,

…

When You’re Terrified of Conflict: Why True Intimacy Means Speaking Up

By

“Conflict avoidance is not the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication.” ~Harriet B. Braiker

I walk on eggshells in my relationship. I have for the past ten years.

I try to design everything out of my mouth to lead to the least amount of friction between my wife and me. And you know what? It’s hurting our relationship.

You see, I’m afraid of confrontation. For me, confrontation leads to tension and tension can lead to stress and angst.

When I was a kid, tension, stress, and angst …

Are You Outgrowing Your Family? 6 Effective Ways to Manage This

By

“You can’t force anyone to value, respect, understand, or support you, but you can choose to spend time around people who do.” ~Lori Deschene

I always felt somewhat different from my family growing up.

I didn’t have a terrible childhood—I was certainly loved, cared for, and looked after—but despite having two siblings, a mother, and a stepfather (who raised me), I seldom felt a sense of belonging and often times I felt very lonely.

Growing up I could never quite put my finger on what it was that was different, but I just knew that I was. I knew …

How Sensitive People Can Stop Taking Things So Personally in Their Relationships

By

“The truth is that the way other people see us isn’t about us—it’s about them and their own struggles, insecurities, and limitations. You don’t have to allow their judgment to become your truth.” ~Daniell Koepke

As a child growing up with a highly sensitive mom, I often noticed her go quiet at the dinner table after my stepfather would make some little comment. Looking back, I know he was just tired and a bit grouchy from a long day at work, but my mom felt hurt by his words.

Over the years, the comments didn’t lessen, but I noticed …

80% of Arguments Start Because Someone Hasn’t Eaten Yet

By

Why It’s Not Your Fault You’re in a Toxic Relationship

By

I remember the first time it dawned on me that I was in an unhealthy relationship. Not just one that was difficult and annoying but one that could actually be described as “toxic.”

It was at a training event for a sexual abuse charity I worked for. I immediately felt like a fraud!

How could I be working there, helping other women get out of their unhealthy relationships and process their pain and trauma, but not realize how unhealthy my own relationship was?

How did I not know?

Typically, as I had always done, I beat myself up over …

You’re Not Supposed to Win Or Lose Arguments

By

How to Avoid Petty Fights and Get What You Need in Your Relationship

By

“It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.” ~Amy Poehler

It was yet another stupid argument that escalated from nothing to a hundred miles an hour in seconds. I’d been there so many times before, entrenched in warfare with us both preparing our defenses and priming our attacks.

The intense emotions of the moment always took over, denying me the opportunity that hindsight would later afford me. Huge issues were, upon reflection, only minor disagreements about who had said what about the cooking, or where something had been left in the bathroom.

On this occasion, once …

3 Ways We Unconsciously Sabotage Our Relationships (And How to Stop)

By

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” ~Anaïs Nin

As a long-time commitment-phobe, my love life has been somewhat inconsistent, to say the least, but this year it seemed I’d finally met someone I was ready and able to think about building a future with. Still, along with this feeling of hope came some challenges that I had never experienced before in a relationship. (And yes, it did occur to me that maybe these two things went together!)

I knew I loved my partner, but we often seemed to argue …

4 Simple Sentences That Can Prevent Arguments and Resentment

By

“There are two sides to every argument, until you take one.” ~Unknown

The phone rang. My partner and our daughter were away hiking and camping. I’d wanted to go with them, but my partner had discouraged me.

My partner had a last-minute change of heart, but I’d remained firm. They hadn’t welcomed me, I said, so they could do without me.

Now, after a day of hiking, our daughter phoned me. They wanted me to join them for dinner and then join them for the second day of the hike.

How do you deal with feelings of disappointment, frustration, or …

A Simple Phrase That Can Prevent Arguments and Resentment

By

“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins

I am always making up stories about what others think of me or what they really meant when they made that comment. And I typically make up the worst case scenario. According to my brain, everyone is mean-spirited and ridiculing me.

This is not an uplifting way to live one’s life. The pessimistic stories I create are generated in part by my low self-esteem, and by convincing myself they’re true, I continue to fuel it. My constantly negative perceptions …