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Posts tagged with “healing”

How I Reframed Letting Go So I Could Move on from My Painful Past

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We are truly free when we let go of the thought that the past could or should have been any different than it was. This is so hard.

The challenge is born from our desperate need to validate our feelings and experiences. It often feels like we are invalidating ourselves if we let go of the thought that the past should have been different. We have been through hell, experienced things most people don’t know about, and it initially feels so devastating to think of just letting it go like it never happened. Where is the justice in that?

I …

Why Being Ignored Causes Such Deep Pain and Damage

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“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ~Laurell K. Hamilton

My older sister had four years over me. As a kid, I worshipped the ground she walked on. She was so smart, so pretty, so cool. I wanted to be wherever she was, doing whatever she was doing.

I was desperate for any crumb of attention she might throw my way. I even let her loosen my baby teeth so she could pull them out one by one. In those moments she was lavishing me with attention.

Other …

The Hidden Survival Patterns I Mistook for Brokenness

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“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~Rumi

I grew up in a council house in the 1970s, in a world where children were seen and not heard.

We were kicked out in the morning and told to come back when the streetlights came on. On the surface, it looked normal. But what was happening behind closed doors didn’t feel normal at all.

I didn’t have the words for it then, but I always felt different.

People thought I was shy. And I was. But it was more than that. Being around people felt overwhelming, like I …

Embracing Slow Growth: The Big Turning Point That Never Came

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“It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day, that’s the hard part.” ~ BoJack Horseman

If you’d told eighteen-year-old me where she’d be at twenty-eight, she would have laughed nervously and changed the subject.

That was her move, by the way. Laugh it off. Deflect. Eat another biscuit.

She was the girl who cried in bathroom stalls and called it “being sensitive.” The one who said yes to everything because no felt too dangerous. The one who googled “how to be more confident” at midnight and then did absolutely nothing about …

How I Broke My Painful Relationship Patterns for Good

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“Sometimes we fall for the same mistakes because we haven’t learned to love ourselves fully.” ~Unknown

As long as I can remember, my relationships followed the same script.

At first, there was charm. Attention. Sweetness. Intensity. That intoxicating feeling of being seen and chosen, sometimes for the very first time.

Then, slowly, the cracks appeared.

It started small. A comment like, “You’re overthinking it again,” said with a laugh when I tried to express how I felt, and suddenly I went quiet, wondering if maybe I was the problem.

Then came the silence, and instead of questioning it, I found …

The Small, Unexpected Ways Grief Stays with Us

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“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.” ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

My friend Diana’s WhatsApp profile picture is of herself hugging her dog, Zibby.

Every time her name comes up on my phone, there they are. The two of them in a tiny square. I’ve seen that photo so many times I stopped really looking at it.

Until recently.

Zibby wasn’t just a dog. She was part of the whole rhythm of their life, the mornings and the evenings and all the …

The Subtle Ways You Lose Yourself in a Toxic Relationship

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“Emotional abuse is any pattern of behavior that undermines a person’s sense of self-worth and reality.” ~Beverly Engel

At first, the changes were small.

I stopped wearing that outfit everyone liked because they said it didn’t look good on me. I let certain friendships fade because it made him uncomfortable. I laughed less at things he didn’t find funny.

I face-checked myself to make sure my expression was pleasing to him. I shrank just slightly, in ways no one else would notice.

Then it got bigger.

I stopped trusting my own judgment because he told me I was too sensitive. …

Have You Had Fun Yet Today

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How to Heal on a Deeper Level After Moving On

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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~C.G. Jung

For twelve years, I believed I was the architect of a perfect life. I had the “Summa Cum Laude” degree, a respected career in human services, a devoted husband, and two healthy daughters. I had checked every box on the “Success” list. I truly thought I had outrun my past.

But trauma has a way of waiting. It doesn’t disappear just because you stop looking at it. It simply goes underground, like a silent program running in the background of a …

How to Feel Safe When Panic Feels Dangerous

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“Anxiety isn’t you. It’s something moving through you. It can leave out of the same door it came in.” ~James Clear

Years ago, I had a panic attack while driving across a bridge, and I thought I might die that day.

Suddenly my heart started pounding. My breath became shallow and tight. My chest felt constricted, and a wave of dizziness washed over me.

I was driving sixty miles per hour, and there was nowhere to pull over. The bridge stretched for miles, suspended over open water, and I was alone in the car.

A terrifying thought shot through my …

What Happened to My Body When I Suppressed My Emotions

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“Our bodies communicate to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen.” ~Shakti Gawain

As a child, I was never taught to regulate my emotions. I learned instead to override them—pushing through stress, swallowing tears, and even hiding a cast at dinner, afraid that showing what had happened to me would create anger instead of care.

By the time I was a teenager, I turned to drugs and alcohol to manage my emotions. It was easier to feel nothing at all than to be bombarded by emotions I had no clue what to do with.

This turned into …

What My Body Taught Me: 13 Surgeries, One Coma, Countless Powerful Lessons

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“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ~Khalil Gibran

I was born with spina bifida. When I was ten years old, doctors told me I might not walk again after a surgery that would change my life.

I don’t remember every word they said, but I remember the feeling, the air shifting in the room, the adults speaking carefully, the quiet that followed.

Paralysis was a possibility.

By that point, my body already knew hospital ceilings well. I had been through multiple surgeries before I fully understood what surgery meant. …

Healing Doesn’t Go Backward

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Growing Up Without a Family: From Survival Mode to Thriving

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“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ~C. S. Lewis

I started life in a poor household with one parent who left when I was very little, never to be seen or heard from again, and another who stuck around but made it very clear I wasn’t wanted and I had ruined their life by existing.

For some reason, I never had any contact from either of their parents, my grandparents, and very little to no contact from their wider families.

So, as a young child, I knew …

Escaping an Abusive Situation: The Hardest Parts and Greatest Lessons

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“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi

I watched my son get hit by his father, and something inside me finally broke open.

Not broke apart. Broke open. There’s a difference.

For years, I had absorbed the chaos. I had made myself smaller, quieter, more accommodating. I had convinced myself that if I could just love harder, be better, try more, something would change. But in that moment, watching my child suffer at the hands of the man who was supposed to protect him, I understood with absolute clarity that nothing I did would ever …

Gratitude: The Amazing Superpower Inside Us All

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“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Gratitude.

It used to be a very triggering concept for me, and sometimes it still is.

It’s been a process to unravel what it means to me and to be okay with days where I am in active trauma or grief, when I feel there is nothing to be grateful for. It’s okay to be in those places.

Gratitude is but one of the plethora of tools I’ve used to shift my perspective on …

You Can’t Always Just “Get Over It”

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What I Ask Myself Now Instead of “What’s Wrong with Me?”

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“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” ~Kristin Neff

For a long time, I carried a question with me that I rarely said out loud.

It wasn’t dramatic. It didn’t sound cruel. It felt reasonable—even responsible.

What’s wrong with me?

The question surfaced whenever I felt stuck. When motivation disappeared. When I couldn’t seem to do the things I thought I should be able to do with ease. It appeared quietly in moments of overwhelm, in the pause before self-judgment set in.

I asked it sincerely. I believed it was the …

The Hidden Cost of Trusting the Universe More Than Yourself

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“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” —Rumi

The last days of the year felt like the right time to let go. I stood in my backyard with twenty-five years of journals—thick notebooks filled with prayers, confessions, and late-night spirals—ready to release them to the flames.

I wasn’t being dramatic. I was being deliberate. I stopped daily journaling several years ago.

For years, I’d used these journals as a kind of inner courtroom, constantly building a case against myself or others. Every page held evidence of failures, proof of my profoundly …

The Simple Words That Reshaped How I See Myself

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“Only say good words to your child. Even if it looks like they’re not listening, if you repeat those kind words a hundred or a thousand times, they will eventually become the child’s own thoughts.” ~My grandmother

When I think about my childhood, the first word that comes to mind is “night.”

The nights were always the hardest.

My father struggled with alcohol and sometimes turned that pain into violence at home.

As a kid, I felt like danger could appear at any time after the sun went down.

I was afraid to sleep deeply. I kept the light on …