5. Storytelling

This is where you make up typically negative stories about the world (and other people) and believe them to be true.

Works best when assigning imaginary motives to the words and/or actions of others.

Results in your own words and/or actions which you will later regret.

Better option: Wait. Ask for clarification.

4. Novelty Seeking

This is where you believe surface changes will make things better. Known throughout 12-Step Programs as “Geographic.”

Works best when you’re looking for a quick fix.

Results in the (generally costly) pursuit of all things new (cars, relationships, cities, etc.).

Better option: Appreciate what you have.

3. Checking Out

This is where you’re in a room with people, but not really.

Works best when you’re desperately trying to prove to the world just how unhappy you believe yourself to be.

Results in hurt feelings, and later, heartbreak.

Better option: Try to see what’s happening right in front of you.

2. Isolation

This is where you alienate people in order to give yourself the necessary space required to set up a permanent base camp in your own head.

Works best when other people haven’t yet given up on trying to help you.

Results in people giving up on trying to help you.

Better option: Stay. Listen. Repeat.

1. Self-hatred

This is where you no longer believe you even deserve happiness. This is a dangerous crisis stage where you either get help or the universe will force you to get help. (This generally results in some sort of life disruption.)

Works best after you’ve succeeded in all of the above steps.

Results in extreme depression.

Better option: Seek the above-mentioned help while you are still able. Start researching the concept of “self-compassion.” Soon.