Dear Anita,

The Christmas light switch on sounds wonderful (: I love how people got into the Christmas spirit!

Today I actually had a rather productive day although I am finding that I am very much keeping myself busy. I think in terms of my ex it will be hard to get over him and its a misconception that because I ended it I must be going around happy-as-larry when in reality I am upset that he isn’t in my life anymore.

However, I have asked if we could be friends, so further down the line he may come back into my life and I will hopefully going to be in a better place.

In terms of my parents the silence can’t last too long as it’s my dad’s birthday this week and therefore there should be a text about meeting up to celebrate it. But I will deal with that on the day.

Thank you for the time and effort you have put into replying back to me.

– V

Hi there,

So as an update I needed to get in touch with them to wish my father a happy birthday. I am currently in some financial difficulty so I asked them for help although that has been ignored. I tried to buy them presents for christmas but my heart isn’t in it as it were, I just feel angry and sad.

I spoke to my ex and thankfully he is aware that I still love him, so that’s good, and he has said that I can message him and ask him how he is now and again. Because having completely no contact seems alien and at the end of the day we have always had a good friendship so I do still want him as part of my life.

However, there are a few things that I don’t understand or at least question.

• He wants me to fight for him yet with this break up he has just gone “ok, well I guess my future plans are changing”, I just thought there mightve been more of a “why? are you sure?” because really this break up isn’t because I don’t care about him its just theres a few things that aren’t going to change anytime soon and I dont want to wait any longer (one of them diy…yet now I have broken things off all of a sudden he is productive doing DIY?!) and because some of his life choices are making me feel second best.
• I think I just need to be patient.

I have noticed that my anxiety has decreased, but I am suddenly finding myself at the beginning of a long and rocky road on my own. So over the next month I will be trying to patch up my life.

I don’t want financial help from my family, it’s just frustrating that they could make their daughter happier or life less stressful, and they have chosen to only do that under a list of conditions, which I am not willing to follow because then I really will be miserable.

If there are any comments this weekend that put-me-down I am going to start to distance myself because I don’t deserve that.

What are your Christmas plans?

– V

Evening Anita,

I left my parents home and moved into his at 18, so aside from the odd part time job I have been dependant on my ex for the last 5 years. Coming to University just happened and I am now regretting not saving up more money prior. My parents refused to help me, the only reason I could do my first year is because my boyfriend paid my rent and now he isn’t part of my life my mother has swooped in and said they will help me out so I don’t drop out.

They do not realise that I am resilient and I would not drop out. In fact even though their help is welcome it has brought up a lot of baggage. My aim is to carve my own life yet instead I feel like I am back at square one again (at least some days) as I talk about travelling and she questions it which makes me feel like I don’t have any control.

I have put the money they gave me aside and I am currently searching for some sort of part time work. I want to feel the sun rays on my skin whilst I sit next to a pool reading without feeling anxious. However, currently I am terrified of going abroad in case something goes wrong. I also do not have the funds, but once I do that is what I working towards.

The last week I have slept through my lectures, eaten rubbish food and withdrawn from others. It’s like I nearly get to where I want to be but because I have not dealt with this self-doubt that plagues me I keen retreating back to old habits, which I do not want.

How has the last month or so been for yourself?

I actually spent the Christmas period with my ex as we were “trying” again but the same issues were there at the end of the three weeks, so now I am single again and there is no going back, not unless I have a shift in mentality and somehow become okay with feeling insecure in a relationship (which of course is not going to happen) and so now I am trying to picture / work for a future where I am in control, but I am young, Britains cost of living is rising and on a survival level staying in a relationship would be the best option security wise.

– V