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A lone wolf.

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This topic contains 55 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

Viewing 11 posts - 46 through 56 (of 56 total)
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  • #267447

    Victoria
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    The Christmas light switch on sounds wonderful (: I love how people got into the Christmas spirit!

    Today I actually had a rather productive day although I am finding that I am very much keeping myself busy. I think in terms of my ex it will be hard to get over him and its a misconception that because I ended it I must be going around happy-as-larry when in reality I am upset that he isn’t in my life anymore.

    However, I have asked if we could be friends, so further down the line he may come back into my life and I will hopefully going to be in a better place.

    In terms of my parents the silence can’t last too long as it’s my dad’s birthday this week and therefore there should be a text about meeting up to celebrate it. But I will deal with that on the day.

    Thank you for the time and effort you have put into replying back to me.

    – V

    #267505

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Victoria:

    You are welcome. I am glad to  read that you felt  better  yesterday and  hope today  as well. Keep doing  what works for you. I hope to read  about the expected contact with your mother regarding  your father’s birthday. (At some time in the future, you could  celebrate your father’s birthday away from your mother, meeting  him at a restaurant, if you so chose).

    anita

    #268143

    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi there,

    So as an update I needed to get in touch with them to wish my father a happy birthday. I am currently in some financial difficulty so I asked them for help although that has been ignored. I tried to buy them presents for christmas but my heart isn’t in it as it were, I just feel angry and sad.

    I spoke to my ex and thankfully he is aware that I still love him, so that’s good, and he has said that I can message him and ask him how he is now and again. Because having completely no contact seems alien and at the end of the day we have always had a good friendship so I do still want him as part of my life.

    However, there are a few things that I don’t understand or at least question.

    • He wants me to fight for him yet with this break up he has just gone “ok, well I guess my future plans are changing”, I just thought there mightve been more of a “why? are you sure?” because really this break up isn’t because I don’t care about him its just theres a few things that aren’t going to change anytime soon and I dont want to wait any longer (one of them diy…yet now I have broken things off all of a sudden he is productive doing DIY?!) and because some of his life choices are making me feel second best.
    • I think I just need to be patient.

    I have noticed that my anxiety has decreased, but I am suddenly finding myself at the beginning of a long and rocky road on my own. So over the next month I will be trying to patch up my life.

    I don’t want financial help from my family, it’s just frustrating that they could make their daughter happier or life less stressful, and they have chosen to only do that under a list of conditions, which I am not willing to follow because then I really will be miserable.

    If there are any comments this weekend that put-me-down I am going to start to distance myself because I don’t deserve that.

    What are your Christmas plans?

    – V

    #268155

    anita
    Participant

    Dear  Victoria:

    My Christmas plans is to survive  the  cold (below freezing lately) by  keeping the woodstove going, bringing  wood in every day, one  of my daily task. I will attend  a Christmas party in a week, it’s been a  long time  since I  attended a party. (Last party I regretfully consumed vast amounts of melted  chocolate; nothing like  melted  chocolate…)

    Did I understand  correctly: you can make it without financial help from your parents?

    I believe  you made the right decision, ending the relationship with your  now ex  boyfriend. Here  is the  evidence  that it is the correct decision: “I have noticed that my anxiety has  decreased, but I am suddenly finding  myself at  the beginning  of a long and rocky road  on my own”-

    1. your anxiety has  decreased.

    2. You are at the beginning of a  long and rocky road.

    I hope you focus on that long and rocky road. I think that your ex boyfriend, for whatever reason, was a distraction from that road.

    I will be back in about  fifteen hours. Take good care of yourself!

    anita

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
    #275451

    Victoria
    Participant

    Evening Anita,

    I left my parents home and moved into his at 18, so aside from the odd part time job I have been dependant on my ex for the last 5 years. Coming to University just happened and I am now regretting not saving up more money prior. My parents refused to help me, the only reason I could do my first year is because my boyfriend paid my rent and now he isn’t part of my life my mother has swooped in and said they will help me out so I don’t drop out.

    They do not realise that I am resilient and I would not drop out. In fact even though their help is welcome it has brought up a lot of baggage. My aim is to carve my own life yet instead I feel like I am back at square one again (at least some days) as I talk about travelling and she questions it which makes me feel like I don’t have any control.

    I have put the money they gave me aside and I am currently searching for some sort of part time work. I want to feel the sun rays on my skin whilst I sit next to a pool reading without feeling anxious. However, currently I am terrified of going abroad in case something goes wrong. I also do not have the funds, but once I do that is what I working towards.

    The last week I have slept through my lectures, eaten rubbish food and withdrawn from others. It’s like I nearly get to where I want to be but because I have not dealt with this self-doubt that plagues me I keen retreating back to old habits, which I do not want.

    How has the last month or so been for yourself?

    I actually spent the Christmas period with my ex as we were “trying” again but the same issues were there at the end of the three weeks, so now I am single again and there is no going back, not unless I have a shift in mentality and somehow become okay with feeling insecure in a relationship (which of course is not going to happen) and so now I am trying to picture / work for a future where I am in control, but I am young, Britains cost of living is rising and on a survival level staying in a relationship would be the best option security wise.

    – V

    #275477

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Victoria:

    I will soon need to be away from the computer and will be back in about sixteen hours. I am confused at this point regarding your practical situation. Is it that you moved five years ago from your parents’ home to your significantly older boyfriend’s place and then moved elsewhere while maintaining an on again off again relationship with him?

    Is it that currently you are a 23 year old university student with one part time job and no financial support from either your parents nor your boyfriend?

    If you would like input from me when I am back to the computer, will you present your situation in practical terms as clearly as possible?

    anita

    #275479

    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    #275531

    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Sorry about this. So I lived with him for five years then moved away for University. I do not have a part time job yet I am on the hunt for one.

    My boyfriend helped me in my first year and so I got by pretty well, however, I didn’t like feeling I was in a relationship because of financial security. As you have seen from my mums behaviour she is toxic and therefore any financial help that comes from them has conditions attached.

    I will be okay financially up to a point, but it is just something that weighs on my mind at like 3am. I am just currently stuck living day by day which is okay and most likely better for my mental health, although I have a growing panic in the back of my mind about the long term.

    – V

    #275573

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Victoria:

    I have three questions for you that you are free to answer or not:

    1. If I understand correctly you broke up with your boyfriend most recently, yet again… what is the status on the relationship with him, and is financial support from him non-existing and not something you see in the future?

    2. Your mother still doesn’t know where you live, your parents provide no financial support to you and you don’t see that in the future either, and you visit them from time to time?

    3. When do you graduate and what are your plans regarding using your education and degree for future gainful employment?

    anita

    #275687

    Victoria
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    1. If I understand correctly you broke up with your boyfriend most recently, yet again… what is the status on the relationship with him, and is financial support from him non-existing and not something you see in the future?

    We are not together anymore and we are barely on talking terms. I do not see any financial support from him in the future, after he paid my rent last year I actually owe him thousands of pounds. However, he will not receive that until I’m in a job.

    2. Your mother still doesn’t know where you live, your parents provide no financial support to you and you don’t see that in the future either, and you visit them from time to time? My parents have given me some money that I have put aside but ultimately they refused at the beginning of the course to help me out. So even if my mum sends me money there’s a condition, for example she sent me some money then because I wasn’t being as communicative as maybe I shouldve been then she complained that she had given me any money.

    3. When do you graduate and what are your plans regarding using your education and degree for future gainful employment? I shall be working in the tech industry so I should have a comfortable wage.

    Anyhow, I apologise for complaining it was something that was on my mind. I have done a budget today and I will be okay, its just everything at the moment is a bit of a worry and I am trying to reduce the amount of worrying I do and replace the hours I spend worrying with action. The questions above where helpful to put things into perspective.

    – V

    #275697

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Victoria:

    I read your recent post. I  would say taking care of yourself financially, completing your education and getting a well pain job in the tech industry is something worth your focus at this time. I am so glad to read that you worked on your budget today and that you “will be okay”. I think it is wise to focus on numbers (budget, finances) instead of relationships at this time, be it with a man or with your mother.

    anita

Viewing 11 posts - 46 through 56 (of 56 total)

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