Dear Tee:

I’m glad you’re managing your health situation. When I felt pain in my knee today (during the car ride), I repeated to myself what you expressed, paraphrased: “this may not be dangerous.”

“I hope your journey went well and you came back with a cute puppy 😊 🤍”- thank you, Tee. Cute puppy is a scared puppy whose vomit is.. well, needs to be cleaned tomorrow (can it really be cleaned? I would love to let you know tomorrow).

“Yes, I remember now you talking about Boe, Hunter and Kooper at various times… you say Boe and Hunter are gone now – you mean sold to new owners?”- no, I mean dead. Boe from natural causes; Hunter by an attack by an aggressive deer.

“Is Kooper still visiting you (or his anxiety doesn’t let him)?”- no, he hasn’t because of the bad weather and the new neighbors making concrete (real concrete) changes so it’s not as easy to get here.

Oh, and I misspoke, it’s Kurby, not Curby. (not that Kurby would notice, ha-ha).

“It’s interesting what you’ve shared recently on Peter’s thread… Yes, it would be good if you could see yourself (and your self-worth) as completely independent of her. You’re a separate being, a separate person, and you’re not defined by her opinion of you. What she believes of you is irrelevant, and I hope you’re accepting that more and more.

“Because a narcissistic mother’s opinion of us isn’t relevant at all. It’s always and without exception a negative, unfavorable opinion, which has nothing to do with truth. So the less you feel defined by her opinion, or even affected by her opinion, the better off you’ll be.

“Also, seeing yourself or defining yourself in relation to her – that too is a trap, as you’ve noticed well. And I agree, the solution would be to ‘build a new pathway that doesn’t depend on her at all? One that simply says ‘I am good,’ without needing to see her in any particular way.’ — Yess!!-

THANK YOU, Tee. I had ENOUGH of her- it. She does not deserve any more of my attention.

I believe that you and I, Tee, have been the unfortunate victims of Narcissistic mothers, like you have said all along.

You didn’t deserve it; I didn’t deserve it. These 2 Narcissistic “mothers” deserve no more of our time or attention, I say tonight!

“I’ve just read you’re riding through a storm at the moment… I hope it’s still safe enough!! Please take care!”- Thank you, Tee. I didn’t know if I’d make it, the heavy rain, the heavy, heavy FOG, driving fast (80 miles per hour at the most), over puddles of rain (sounds scary when you drive over them so fast).. What I did, when really scared, was going to my phone, checking tiny buddha.. to distract myself from the clear and present road danger, and praying.

But here I am, another night (Dec 18), safe, wood stove burning, warm.. and I am not smelling new beagle’s vomit. First time in hours that I’m not smelling it (GROSS!), but don’t tell the beagle. I am sure my vomit would smell way worse.

.. I just checked on the beagle, he’s lying on his beagle bed, covered by my flannel shirt I put over him, I patted his head.

All through the drive, every time he opened his eyes, I’d pet his head and he’d closed his eyes again until the next jolt in the ride, and I’d pet him again.. and his whole body would get closer and closer to me as he found comfort in physical proximity to me.

It’s amazing how beagle anxiety and need for comfort is so .. well, same as a human’s.

Didn’t name him yet.. Thought of calling him “Tee” earlier, not kidding.. But he needs a more masculine name.. ? Will let you know, Tee.

🤍🙏 🫶 🤍, Anita