Dear Anita,

I am sorry you were feeling poorly yesterday.. how is it today? Hope you’re feeling better… I’m glad that breathing helped you not panic 🙏

I’ll reply to the rest of your post a bit later, probably only tomorrow.

Good to hear that you can use the computer again – that’s one piece of good news! 😊

Take care, and till later!

🤍 🫶 🤍

Dear Anita

I’m glad to hear the new cable came quickly and that you’re able to use a computer again! I’m sorry to hear that you’re still ill. I hope it passes quickly and you feel better soon. 🤒 🤍

Sorry I was quiet yesterday. I actually fell asleep. 😴 My son slept through the night for the first time in ages though, so I’m better rested today. Hopefully, this continues. 🤍

I got my medication this evening. Thankfully. 😊

Oh goodness your list of things Bogart chewed on reminded me of even more things that had been eaten. 😂

Bra straps… so many bra straps. Just the straps, making it useless. I ended up changing to sports bras because they have thicker straps. 😂

Not to fear, the chewing will not last forever. Although it might feel like it. 🤍

I can understand why you would feel bad scolding him. Here is what actually helped me understand it. Dogs understand tone more than language. So it is the tone that defines a boundary for them. You are just saying no in their language, a way that they understand. It helps them to know what they are and aren’t allowed to do. Funnily enough, I learned this in a parenting class. As you said, young children are similar. 🤍

Dear Anita,

I love your posts on the other thread: Tee calling it like it is! Tee will not be told to be quiet and obey!

Thanks, Anita. To be honest, I don’t like conflict, I’m not looking forward to it at all. But I felt something needed to be said, because the style of communication was not respectful, but was putting people down. And so I felt the need to address it… but as I said, I don’t like situations like this at all 😕

Since I haven’t been in any contact with her for about 12 years, and I’ve been significantly healing recently, I am no longer dissociated, so the FEAR of her- I FEEL it. It’s real and intense.

I’m sorry your fear is still pretty intense.

Even in the most physically weak state, she WILL divide me and turn me against.. me, weakening me in this way, which is her life legacy in my life (self-division, disintegration, dissociation, chronic shame and guilt)

I understand your trepidation, and it will take gradual healing. But the bottom line is that your mother can only be a threat if there is a part of you that still believes her lies. If there is a “hook” in you, by which she can catch you.

It’s good that you’ve become aware of the various lies that she conditioned you to accept (lies about yourself, her, other people and the world). If you believe any of those lies, she will have a “weapon” against you.

The problem is that those lies run deeper than our conscious mind – they are in our subconscious. Our inner child believes them. Which means that in order to stop believing them, we’ll need to heal our inner child.

So the goal would be to become a parent for our inner child, who will tell positive, affirming things to our inner child (to counter your mother’s lies), and also who will protect LGA from your mother’s attacks. Because even if you haven’t spoken to your mother for 12 years, your inner child is still living in the same old dynamic: feeling terrified of your mother, perhaps even feeling sorry for her and believing that she is the victim, etc.

You have been working with LGA on rewriting some of those old programs, e.g. the program that your mother is a victim whom you need to protect. So perhaps that “program” is not so strongly active any more?

But another program, in which you’re afraid of her ruining your sense of self and breaking you down psychologically (“she WILL divide me and turn me against.. me, weakening me in this way”) is probably still pretty strong…

The goal would be to work on strengthening your sense of self. Whenever there is doubt and the inner critic (your mother’s internalized voice) starts shaming you, to stop that voice and give yourself compassion.

The adult Anita – the good parent – should stop the harmful messages of the inner critic, and counter them with a loving, supportive message. That’s how you can protect LGA from your mother’s attacks.

So whenever you hear the voice of the inner critic, you should counter it with self-compassion. I think that’s how you should be able to strengthen LGA and in turn achieve that she is less afraid of your mother.

What do you say?

About that LOVE ME longing post from yesterday, similar to other such posts in the past (and more to come), it’s the undoing of dissociation work as part of my healing; going back in time and having the dissociated, silent inner child SPEAK.

It’s okay as long as you also let the inner child know that she is not alone, that the adult Anita is there for her.

Because if you keep repeating your longing and telling yourself that it will never be satiated (The DESIRE to be loved by her: endless.. And futile. A never to be satisfied DESIRE. It’s a thirst that can never be quenched.), it might actually strengthen the old belief that there is no way out, and that you’ll be stuck in that hopeless longing forever.

So if you let the LGA speak and express her pain, but not offer to soothe her and comfort her, it might actually reaffirm the trauma.

But if you take her in your arms and soothe her, telling her that you love her and cherish her, it will actually start changing that old imprint. It will be healing for LGA (rewriting the old script and healing the old trauma). At least that’s how I view it…

I hope you’re slowly getting out of the cold/flu… How is Bogart doing? Have you found the way to protect the computer cables and other important items from being chewed on?

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Dear Anita

Happy New Year! 🤍

I’m sure that you and Bogart are going to have lots of amazing adventures together. 😊

I’m glad to hear that you’re starting to feel better. Just in time. 🤍

Oh good! I’m glad you both went out for some fun. Well he almost made it. Hopefully next time the full way. We believe in you Bogart! 🤞 😅 🤍