Oh and of course, well done Bogart!!! 😄 🤍

Dear Anita,

I wish you nothing but success, Tee. I am rooting for you!

Thank you so much, Anita! 🫶 🤍

If there’s fear in that face emoji (I think there is), then I admire you not only for standing up for what is Right but also, for doing so in spite of fear or discomfort.

It’s the usual perplexed face emoji (I’m not very versatile in my use of emojis 🙂 ). It’s not so much fear that I feel, but discomfort, since it’s not pleasant to not get along, to have tension in relationships, including in online communication. But sometimes we must say something, and so, it was unpleasant, but what I felt compelled to do.

but I am not sorry. I think that the fear of her is appropriate and a sign of mental health. It’s the past dissociation from this fear that was sickness.

This does not mean that she is currently, as a person, dangerous to me. It means that my inner child (the one previously dissociated/ blocked/ suppressed) is now allowed to feel the fear of her.

In other words, feeling fear of her NOW is progress.

Oh okay.. to be honest, I am a little surprised to hear this, because you’ve been sharing in the past 3 months as well as earlier about your pervasive fear that you felt towards your mother as a child: fear of her killing you or herself, fear of her scolding and physical abuse, fear to speak openly (the episode with your uncle Morris, when she was looking at you threateningly and so you didn’t dare to answer his question honestly), and many other episodes.

It didn’t seem like you were dissociated from that fear, but very much in the grips of it. So I don’t quite understand?

Regarding your desire to save your mother, you said:

She was a victim as a child, growing up. She was not a victim in the context of.. being my (and others’) perpetrator. I have empathy for her in context.

Yes, that’s what you rationally know that she was a perpetrator. However, you’ve shared that for the longest time you believed she was a victim (both your victim and everyone else’s victim), because you believed her narrative. You said that you wanted to be her hero, someone who will save her from her predicament.

But what I was specifically referring to is a corrective exercise that you shared on Nov 1, 2025, where you were recalling the scene from your school, when your mother was yelling at your music teacher.

In this exercise you imagined that you would be taken away from her to a safer place/home. But your LGA didn’t like that idea – she was worried what would happen to your mother:

LGA: HELP MY MOTHER.
Her pain was Everything, her Pain was so overwhelming, so all-consuming that there was.. nothing else that mattered.
LGA: But Mother, mother is here, she’s in PAIN!
LGA: who will save her?
LGA: Who will take care of My Mother?

This is what made me believe that there was a part of you who wanted to save your mother, even till very recently. And so that’s what I was referring to…

Sincerely, I don’t think I hear her shaming messages anymore. I still repeat my daily mantra of removing or peeling off chronic shame and guilt, but I don’t feel those anymore, I don’t think.

Good to hear that! 🤍

Unfortunately (her sad/ scared), the bladder infection part of the cold has returned 2 days after I stopped taking the pills for it, so I restarted this morning.

Sorry to hear about your bladder infection… but it should clear up nicely, with antibiotics. I hope it’s getting better by now 🤞

I’m very happy about the progress with Bogart: that he hasn’t vomited in the car, isn’t scared of the taproom, and is more willing to socialize with people and other small dogs. That’s a really great development, Anita! 🙏 As Alessa said, it shows you know how to treat him in a positive, calming way, which makes you a great dog mom 😊

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Dear Anita,

I am glad you did! And I agree, it’s unpleasant to have tension in relationships, and better avoid tension. But sometimes it’d be wrong to not address wrong things that people say or do.

Thank you, Anita! Yes, I felt that since a certain negative attitude (putting people down for showing empathy and care for others, or for having a different opinion) was being repeated again and again, it needed to be addressed. Because perhaps someone who is reading might start believing that it is indeed an expression of the ego to show care and empathy for others. They might start doubting themselves.

And also, someone who is reading might believe that it’s kindness not to say anything if someone is berating you, that it shows emotional maturity. But silence often invites more abuse, because a rude person is usually emboldened when faced with no resistance. They might even accuse you of being in the ego if you confront them… that’s the trick they use to try to silence you.

So anyway, silence is not always golden. That’s why I felt the need to speak up…

Thank you for noticing things and asking. Yes, I’ve been expressing fear of her but the dissociation during childhood and onward was so pervasive and long term that there’s just so much to EX-press, to undo the suppression or repression.

Expression is not a one-time event or a 10- times-event, it’s ongoing.

I don’t know how much you remember of your childhood, but if I played all my memories of childhood and adolescence like in a movie, I think it’d be an hour movie at the most, maybe 10 minutes, I am not sure. There are moments I remember, and so much that I don’t. I think it’s called childhood amnesia.

Does this help you understand, Tee?

Yes, I understand your need to express, and please keep doing so if it brings you relief. Perhaps by expressing you’re also remembering more of the things that happened, that you as a child might have suppressed (as a means of self-protection) and that now need to be looked at and processed.

My only suggestion is that if you’re expressing from your inner child (LGA), to also have your adult self present, to “carry” her and soothe her, so that LGA wouldn’t feel overwhelmed and helpless again. LGA should feel like it has a healthy adult support now (you being in the role of a good parent), unlike in the past when she felt all alone.

I think that’s how you can safely express and still not be pulled into the old feelings of fear, helplessness etc. Basically, to give LGA a container (a loving, listening ear) to safely express everything she feared to express in her childhood and beyond. If that makes sense?

As I read my own words just now (and thank you for caring to bring them up), I felt some elevated tension in my body, on one hand, but on the other, I felt removed from those words, as in being passed those thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I processed/ expressed those enough to let them go.

Perhaps you feel a little disconnected from those sentiments at the moment, or they might have really lessened. I guess with time you’ll see if something similar comes up. But I think you’ll know then that it’s the remnant of your inner child’s old programming (to feel sorry for your mother and to feel the urge to rescue her). And so you’ll know how to handle it, if it ever becomes active again…

I’m afraid I need to get antibiotics. I hope it doesn’t require a visit to a doctor!

Yeah, sometimes antibiotics are the best route, because if it’s bacterial infection, nothing else beats that. I’d suspect you’d need to see a doctor for it, although it’s a pretty common problem and perhaps you’d get a prescription even without going for a checkup…?

I had a pattern, I say I HAD, but it’s been up to very recently- that of submitting (people pleasing) on one hand and rebelling against my own pattern of submission and either becoming somewhat aggressive or just withdrawing.

It’s been either I am less than you (and I therefore submit), or I rebel against my self-imposed inferiority and get 😠

The middle way is doing neither, starting with never submitting, never accepting a position of inferiority, nor volunteering one.

And then extending the value of EQUALITY to everyone: I am no less than you; you are no less than me.

This is such a great insight, Anita! When we feel neither superior nor inferior, but equal to others, it allows us to respect both ourselves and others. And so we don’t fall for the trap of people-pleasing, submitting and then resenting it.

So yeah, that’s a great New Year resolution: Never Again Submit, Never Again people-please, but be unapologetically authentic and honest, guided by the Principle: I am no less than you; You are no less than me. AMEN.

Yes, Amen to that!

I am reclaiming my childhood innocence, my 💯 love and good will for her as her daughter.

She used to tell me that she was the best mother in the world and that I. being B.A.D, didn’t deserve her. It was a lie, a false message. I was the best daughter a bad mother could have had.

Amen to that as well! 💪 😊 🤍

Take good care of yourself, Tee, you deserve the best care!

Thank you, Anita, I’m trying my best!

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Dear Anita

Thanks for thinking of me. 🤍

Sorry, I have just been busy with the holidays. 😊

First a cold and now a bladder infection. You are under the mill a bit at the moment. What a way to start the new year. I suppose you are hopefully getting all of the bad luck out of the way early. You deserve a good long run of good luck next. 🤍

I agree with equality and I’m glad that you stand up for yourself. I think it’s great that you see that you no longer blame yourself for your mother’s misery and can see her lies for what they are. Cherish your goodness! 🤍