November 23, 2020 at 11:33 am #369770
You are very welcome. I am glad that you found other like-minded individuals who support you.
anitaDecember 23, 2020 at 12:23 pm #371566
I still feel the intensity of the year around me. Thankfully, no one knows that I sometimes go on Tinybuddha to talk to people. I have to let the Universe write the future for me. I did get A Promised Land from Barack Obama. It was exactly what I wanted for Christmas.
AiyanaDecember 23, 2020 at 12:32 pm #371569
I hope you enjoy A Promised Land by Barack Obama. Thank you for your wishes for me. Merry Christmas to you and Happy (way less intense and safer) New Year!
anitaJanuary 16, 2021 at 6:11 am #372913
Happy New Year!
I feel refreshed, refined, and ready to take on 2021! You have no idea how many changes I go through. If you don’t mind my asking, when is your birthday? I was born on May 23,1993, so that makes me a Gemini. If you know your birth time, I can do your birth chart. I know you’re from Australia, but I don’t know which city. Life is always changing for people, Anita. That’s why we need change to transform the world.
I mentioned in our last conversation that I was reading Barack Obama’s memoir. To have the strength, support, and patience to be in a position of power is beyond words that I could ever express to our former President. If I ever had an opportunity to interview him, I would love to ask him how he ever got through these insurmountable challenges. I think his innate optimism was a major part of it.
That being said, I think we need to stop seeing each other as one’s enemy. When you get down to it, we’re more similar than we realize. I once looked up a young woman’s birth chart and her houses had the same sign placements as mine. And it’s kind of like what our parents told us when we were kids. We don’t have to like the people we deal with. We can tolerate them.
That’s why there is so much hate. The people out there don’t take the time to learn what the other side is really about.
Stay safe and I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely, AiyanaJanuary 16, 2021 at 6:56 am #372914
Thank you and Happy New Year back to you! I am glad to read that you feel refreshed, refined and ready to take on the new year.
I live in the U.S. (not in Australia) and I don’t want to share my birth date on a public forum. You wrote in regard to Barack Obama: “If I ever had an opportunity to interview him, I would love to ask him how he ever got through these insurmountable challenges”- you may hear his answer to this and other questions if you watch his interviews with other people. Recently I watched a YouTube of him being a guest in The Trevor Noah’s show, it was delightful to watch and hear him talk.
anitaJanuary 22, 2021 at 9:15 am #373262
I just saw your message again regarding Barack Obama. Let it be known that I will be looking up his birth chart right after I finish analyzing Joe Biden’s. I’m assuming that you have likely never heard of astrology, so I will take baby steps with you. Also, if my energy is off, it’s because I was analyzing more birth charts, including Biden’s, writing a blog post about his birth chart, reading about shadow work, reading about the Chiron, which is an asteroid that is the way of showing where our deep rooted pains are, and it is currently in the sign of Aries. I was surprised that Biden had a 12th house stellium, which I explain more about in my blog:
On top of that, I am glad that he worked with Obama for a reason. Obama is very charming in the Trevor Noah interview.
My energy is also a little stagnant tonight because I read about Zeeza dealing with her dog’s debilitating health. Have you ever done shadow work? It’s part of the healing process where you heal wounds that you have never really acknowledged. One of the questions that I have to answer for tonight is “What ways have you felt small and disempowered?”
While I have felt small, I don’t think there has been a time when I felt disempowered. It sounds so extreme. Vulnerable, of course. The closest memory I have of being disempowered was when I was twelve years old and a Puerto Rican girl stole my cute Nokia T-Mobile phone. I knew that day that my mother would be mad at me, I wouldn’t be able to communicate with anyone, and it was the beginning of me self-sabotaging myself, whether it was messing up my hair after my sister worked on it for 5 hours, or making things harder than necessary because I thought I deserved it. Maybe I got that message from the media, or from someone who was used to life being hard. I don’t know. What I do know is that what I told you needs to be written down in my notebook.January 22, 2021 at 10:13 am #373300
You wrote: “My energy is also a little stagnant tonight”- but it was just after 12 pm when you posted, not night time. Wasn’t it?
anitaFebruary 8, 2021 at 7:33 am #374305
Please forgive my abrupt absence. I’ve spent the last two weeks and two days attempting to see a therapist again. But the great old, fine, and dandy health care system decided to make a fool out of me. I promise, it wasn’t for out of lack of trying. I’ve made several calls to different therapists, two to a kind woman who has talked to me before. It doesn’t even make sense to me. While I normally pride on being independent and doing your own thing, the one time I need help and no one is able to drop everything to help. Christ on a biscuit.
Other than that, I’ve been leveling up thanks to my friends. So today, my mental health is slightly rocky. I hope yours is doing better than mine. On top of that, I had a wonderful job offer, but it involved working in a correctionals facility, so I had to pass for obvious reasons. And to top that off, (common word for me today: the word top), I still have this reluctance of sharing my personal life to strangers. Sure, you can connect with wonderful people online, but I have this irrational fear that someone will see my comments one day and they’ll go, “Why did you write this and not talk to someone privately?” That’s why I’m grateful for the Internet. I can talk to strangers who won’t judge me for being pazza (that’s Italian for crazy.)
Thank God I have YouTube. At least I don’t have a stalker. One Youtuber I follow online unfortunately had a stalking situation and she hasn’t been posting since. When are people going to learn that you cannot invade someone’s personal boundaries? If they’re not family or your lover or partner, don’t bother them! Anywho, I managed to listen to a podcast called Therapy for Black Girls. Surprisingly, I am subscribed to them but I forgot that I could listen to them anytime! How is everything with you? I read about your friend’s dog. I love dogs so much. I love animals in general, but no one can deny that a dog is man or woman’s best friend.
Please reply back whenever you’re ready.
AiyanaFebruary 8, 2021 at 8:14 am #374306
I am fine, thank you. I hope that you find the therapy that you need and want.
You closed your recent post with “Please reply back whenever you’re ready”. I am ready, but I don’t know what specifically you want me to address, and I have been confused for quite some time about what it is that you need from me. In an effort to clear my confusion, I ask:
(1) Are you hoping that I can help you with anything?
(2) If the answer to the above is Yes, then how specifically would you like me to help you?
anitaFebruary 9, 2021 at 11:49 am #374385
To answer your first question, yes. I do want your help. To answer your second question, I would like your help in being free to tell me your advice on how to handle things. While I have become better at being assertive, I still need guidance from time to time: whether it’s for looking for a job, or matters of the heart.
AiyanaFebruary 9, 2021 at 12:07 pm #374387
Thank you for answering my questions clearly. Any time you want my advice “on how to handle things”, please do the following: (1) let me know that you want my advice, (2) give me the specifics of the situation, and (3) state what you want to achieve in that situation.
anitaFebruary 22, 2021 at 6:31 pm #375080
It has already been two weeks since I last contacted you. I believe there are several reasons for that. I’m taking more action to being independent just like Zeeza. I have a friend who is considering becoming my roommate. And to top that off, I am able to have some income even with a roof over my head. I thought about staying up all night to apply for jobs so no one in my family would think I was being lazy. Truthfully, my new group of friends know about my situation and they’re willing to help out. My writing is getting better too. I do these contests every week and I’m able to do them when I can.
On top of that, I’m organizing my room, but I would need to secure a job in another state so that I buy some storage area to put that stuff away. Have you ever watched the show “Hoarders?” I’m glad my house isn’t like that. Although, I will admit that I am a bit of a packrat.
AiyanaFebruary 22, 2021 at 7:36 pm #375085
Yes, I did watch the show Hoarders, years ago, maybe the only reality show that I watched. I am glad to read that you are taking action toward being independent, that you are able to have some income coming in, that you have a group of friends that is willing to help you out, that your writing is getting better, and that you are organizing your room (you are not a hoarder, good thing!)
anitaFebruary 25, 2021 at 10:52 am #375217ZeezaParticipant
I hope it so k if I respond in your thread as well? I am not sure if this helps but I found therapist through direct referral from my primary doctor and this doctor accepted the insurance I had and was networked to what I believe other therapists that have same insurance.
I hope to unpack and sort stuff like you. I hold on to too many things sometimes. I hope your day is magical so far and your courage is inspiring 🙂February 25, 2021 at 2:38 pm #375222
From your Nov 15, 2020 post on your blog, “Chameleon Black Woman”, titled: “A pulse, An instant” (“same as the title of this thread): “This was a phrase I used with my oldest sister when I told her about my emotions about the pandemic.. Everyday seems to have different instant moments and pulses.. Everything will ebb and flow along with my writing”-
I read your posts in your various threads, many you deleted. Sometimes you delete your account, appearing as “Anonymous” only to return again and disappear again.
You mentioned autism as your condition, you mentioned writing a seven year long novel, “Human Grenades”. You mentioned politics and your hair. And yet, I don’t really know anything about you. All those words, all that writing, posts, blog… and I know nothing about who you are. To phrase it in a simplified way: you write so much… and reveal nothing, you have moments of appearing friendly.. but you are always at a distance.