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afraid to live

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  • February 13, 2016 at 2:24 am #95932
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i’d say i’m okay, anita. sort of confused, but i suppose i am okay. how are you?

    February 13, 2016 at 7:24 am #95937
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I am fine, thank you. I was thinking about you a little while ago, before turning on the computer, in regards to patience. I thought about one of my strongly ingrained tendencies, to overeat at any one meal. I read you hate doing it as well. Well, it is not working for me, yet the tendency is so strong and … I did it again yesterday and paid the price of not sleeping much last night. I thought to myself how much PATIENCE I need to have with myself. All this time… and I still struggle with overeating. I also tend to get impatient and beat myself up, but this last tendency has been getting weaker and weaker. Even as far as eating, my habits are improving, but not fast enough… for the impatient me. I refer to the kind of patience required in healing strong tendencies, strong habits of the mind and activity habits… as “excruciating patience”- so very much of it is required and for so very long.

    I was thinking of you because your tendency, mental habit, is to passively wait for things to happen. The other day, you took initiative and made something happen. You felt happy about it, it felt good. But the tendency to wait (because of fear) is very strong and so, unfortunately, I knew this one time will not change you so easily, that you too will need to practice this “excruciating patience” with yourself.

    It felt good and the new habit of making things happen will take time and lots of patience over time…

    anita

    February 13, 2016 at 9:31 am #95949
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * One more thing, wisdom: about being confused. I think it is natural to feel confused when you learn new things that contradict old things, like that making things happen (no such thing as too small of a thing when YOU make it happen!) is possible for you. So it takes time, no other way. If you are distressed at any time, try to not think while you are distressed and relax instead watching TV or daydreaming, anything relaxing that is not harmful to you!

    anita

    February 13, 2016 at 1:00 pm #95979
    Wisdom
    Participant

    anita idk if you can see this or if it’s in the right place, but i want to thank you so much for sharing that with me about patience. i’m actually going to read it over again to really fully register it into my brain. i just wanted to let you know that i saw this and i am happy you shared it because it can be very helpful. but do you think that with eating, if we keep eating and then wait for it to stop, is that regressive or progressive? because i usually do the “oh tomorrow will be better” thing but sometimes it’s not that much better. hopefully you can connect with this and it helps for either one of us to think of it and find an answer. i am really hoping that you overcome this because it really is a bad feeling to just eat and eat and afterward not even feel any better. i hope that once you reply and i see it, i am able to answer. i am on here through mobile, so it’s hard for me to navigate.

    confusion is also not a good thing. why does god allow this? besides to come to him for prayer, why is confusion allowed, especially for the things we hold dear in our hearts?

    February 13, 2016 at 1:01 pm #95980
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i’ll also definitely try and occupy myself while i feel that way. that’s actually something i need to do right at this moment.

    February 13, 2016 at 1:08 pm #95981
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    Please do occupy yourself right at this moment, to relax and I will write to you more later (about the above).

    anita

    February 14, 2016 at 3:26 pm #96032
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I read your last comment on the other thread, about soulmates. I have views on the concept, let me know if you want to read more about by beliefs (lack of) about destiny, as the concept of a soul mate is someone you are destined to be with.

    How are you???

    anita

    February 14, 2016 at 5:43 pm #96039
    Wisdom
    Participant

    anita, i would definitely love to read more on the concept of soulmates, especially at this time. i’d say i’m fine, just a little mind boggled, but i’m sure i’ll be just fine. how are you?

    February 14, 2016 at 6:54 pm #96050
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I am mind boggled too, Wisdom. Feeling not so great but not terrible either. I noticed this over time, that I haven’t felt depressed in ages, depressed like I used to. Not even close, just blah.

    Soulmates, people destined to meet? No such thing, says I. And even if there was such a thing, what is the usefulness of it, if destiny was reality, what are you supposed to do about it? Where is the guidance and how would you know?

    If a person has a belief that I don’t share AND the belief is helping the person, then I am all for it. If the belief in destiny helped you take actions, make things happen, then yes, destiny is fine with me.

    But I don’t see the usefulness of it in your life. It is not making you a more courageous person or a more confident person… it just confuses you with questions unanswered, like all those questions at the end of the other thread.. I didn’t see anyone post answers and I don’t think there are answers.

    Take care, mind boggled, valuable, worthy, Somebody You!

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 8:51 am #96063
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i do think though, that it is the destiny or for you, the “destiny” that’s pushing me in his direction. in the direction to achieve that love. as if the universe and or god is saying “it is now the time”. maybe not the time to be together just yet, but the time to get it started. to form. i do however, think that around all this, my naiveté as to what is to come next is the confusion. maybe god IS giving me clear cut answers and messages, but since i’ve never had a romantic love AND i have never been so spiritual or concerned about spiritual matters, there is confusion in that sense. i have been sort of left to fend for my own in this thing, therefore it is hard to find the right answer or what is really true. i really do believe in soulmates, not only because i want to, but because i feel it in my heart. i feel that is the clearest my heart has been with me – that soulmates are real.

    February 15, 2016 at 8:55 am #96064
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i also hope mind boggledness leaves us. it’s a very frustrating feeling. i’ve felt the same way. just some kind of blahness. it’s been a very long time since i’ve been so depressed to the point of just wanting to die, which used to been a really big thing for me. i’d say that blah is definitely okay. maybe there needs to be more excitement in your life, anita. would you say that you are missing something or feeling left out?

    February 15, 2016 at 8:59 am #96065
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wisdom:

    Then I will respect your belief in destiny and soulmates. The problem I have with the messages god is sending you is that they should be clear to you. You take the blame for not understanding the messages, thinking the problem is with you not being spiritual and being inexperienced.

    My point is that it is the responsibility of the one sending the message to send a clear message. It is the responsibility of the message sender to send a message that will be clear to the particular person the message is aimed at.

    So when god is sending Wisdom a message about her soulmates, then it is god’s job to see to it that the message he sends is clear to Wisdom, that the message’s clarity fits your inexperience and spiritual maturity. It is … unwise to send an unclear message and god is supposed to be wise…

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 10:20 am #96068
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i fully understand that anita and that’s the one thing that puts me a little in the middle of things. like shouldn’t the messages be clear as day? or maybe this is him or her revealing it little by little over time. or maybe i’m making some of the things up myself. i’m not so sure. i usually suppose that maybe god is busy. maybe god is working with someone else, with other people and maybe i just have to wait my turn to be worked on. god is probably testing my patience.

    February 15, 2016 at 10:44 am #96070
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Wisdom:

    I would think that if god wanted you to get his message that he would send you a clear message. So I agree with you. If he wanted to reveal something to you little by little, then it would make sense to me that he would send you a …little but clear message, then wait for you to get it, then send you another little but clear message and so on, until you get the bigger message.

    Since god has not sent you clear messages, little or big, it makes sense to me that you would think he is busy. that he has other people he is communicating with. If he is busy and is not available for you at this time, then I guess you are on your own, aren’t you? And then it would make sense for you to take more action on your own.

    It is like you are sitting in a restaurant and you are hungry. You gave your order of food and you are waiting for the food to arrive. You are waiting and waiting because the cooks and the waiters are busy with other customers. How long will you sit there waiting. If the food you are waiting for is like the messages you are waiting for, then at one point, you figure the cooks and waiters are too busy, you get up and walk out to get your food/ messages someplace else, to maybe find them yourself in your own special, individual search.

    You also wrote that god is testing your patience. Well is he busy or is he testing your patience? Is he busy on purpose so to test your patience?

    I told you I respect your faith in god and soulmates. I am also pointing out thinking on your part that doesn’t make sense to me.

    Maybe if you figure out who god is, you will figure out who Wisdom is. And maybe the other way around.

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 12:00 pm #96075
    Wisdom
    Participant

    i wouldn’t so much say that god is paying attention to people on purpose for me to wait on him, but maybe (using your restaurant reference) someone ordered earlier than me. maybe someone else has a shorter order. maybe someone has an easier order. and i just have to wait. i’d say it’s a mix of both, but i guess i wouldn’t know at the same time since my understanding of god isn’t so clear. but it takes lifetimes to understand, so i don’t expect myself to know just yet or maybe even when i’m 80. i would like to better my understanding though. it’s a confusing thing, especially with all the interesting theories and beliefs and religions.

    for me, just so it can kind of help you understand my thinking better, i like to look at everyones feelings, views and beliefs on anything dealing with god, spirituality, life and after life. i like to understand the way other people do and to decipher what i feel and understand with what i was taught as well. i guess you can say that i don’t (yet) think that the total truth is held in one place or holy group.

    and i think that if i just got up and left the eatery, that would just show how much patience i really had. but it all must come along with me wanting to see other people grow before i do. to see other people happy before i am, and maybe that’s just what i’m getting from the universe.

    whether it be me finding god and understanding from me or from outside of me, i believe that it will happen too anita, because god is inside of us and outside of us too.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Wisdom.
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