Dear Lisa:

I think I understand now, after all of our communication… and miscommunication of the last nine months on this thread something I didn’t understand  before.

I think that the Key Sentence of all that you shared is that you cannot tolerate an ounce of criticism from anyone.

What I understand today is that criticism to you includes when any person expresses any difference from what you stated to be true to you. You believe, for one, that all men hate you and hurt you, and that the women who tried to help turned against you and supported the men who hate you.

If I suggest differently, I think you take it as criticism and you automatically view me as one of those women who are either hurting you or trying to help you but am supporting a man who hates you.

In your truth, according to what you believe is true, you are a good, intelligent, creative, hard working woman barely surviving a hostile world where all people hate and hurt you or about to do so every time you try to improve your life and every time you assert yourself. A world where people expect you to submit to their alleged superiority and abuse.

You fight against that expected submission, rebel against it. In this world, as you view it, you are truly Alone.

I believe that there is no way to live in such a world other than to survive it while suffering a whole lot. And that has been your experience so far, as you shared: barely surviving and suffering a lot.

Understanding what I understand now, I will withdraw from now on any criticism as you view criticism, that is, I will not express any difference from what you believe to be true. I will instead wish you well and I may simply repeat what you share, as in a mirror, to let you know someone read what you shared.

And I do wish you feel better. I do.

anita

Dear Lisa:

Okay then, I will not only repeat what you wrote.

Instead, I will do the following: I will state what I understand that you believe and ask you if I understood correctly. If I didn’t understand correctly, please correct me and state as clearly as you can what it is that you believe. Please do not be vague.

If you choose to not answer me, or you answer me in a vague way that  does not answer my question, then there is nowhere for me to go further on your thread. I will have to no longer post on it because of a total failure to communicate.

This is what I understand: you believe that every time you tried to improve your life circumstances, people (men who hate you and women who either hate you or support the men who hate you) purposefully caused your efforts to fail, abusing you and insisting that you submit to their abuse.

Did I understand correctly, and if I did not, will you correct me and state what it is you believe on the matter (every time you tried to improve…) clearly?

anita

Dear Lisa:

You didn’t answer my question, not the way I asked you to answer.

But you wrote that you “can’t remember once not appreciating or looking forward to (my) posts”- and that means something to me, therefore I ask:

What is it that you appreciate about my posts, what is it that you are looking forward to in my posts to you?

Please answer me, Lisa.

anita

Hello, Lisa

Know first that you are supported and cared for here. No one here will cause you any harm or give you unnecessary criticism. We are all here to support one another.

I cannot say that I am completely qualified to give advice, as I myself still struggle with low self-esteem, depression, and occasional suicidal thoughts, but I guess I’ve learned through my time here that this doesn’t necessarily matter.  There is no expert degree in life studies, just people that learn from each other and their experiences.

It is very unfortunate to hear that you cannot afford a therapist, but if I may, there are a number of websites where you can talk to others that are going through the exact same thing that you are. Knowing that you are not alone makes the process a little easier if you ask me.

Best of luck to you. I hope you can find time to heal wherever you are in your life.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/best-depression-websites-2015-1228154

Dear  Lisa:

I am glad you answered my two questions. What a relief it is for  me to be acknowledged by you, on your thread, that is to be answered. I don’t feel Alone now, on your thread.

You wrote that you look forward to my posts to you because I am one of a  handful of people who see something worthwhile in you and actually say it  to you. It  is true, I do see you as worthy and will say it again, any time you want to read  it.

I am indeed glad you answered me. I am now motivated to respond to you again and again, for as long as  you keep posting, for as  long as  you would like me  to.

As to the proof, that your core belief is  not true- no one can prove that to you unless they provide a counter  experience for you, an experience different that what lead to the formation of your core belief. The proof will look something like this, I  imagine: a single man has to pursue you, repeatedly, consistently, reliably. He will have to never criticize you, to always  be kind to you. He will have to  provide for you so that you are not exposed to other people, so that  your body rests and heals best it can from your many years  of  hard work. He will have to nurse you when you are sick a nd  endure the times  of your distress. He will have to be there for  you always. And when you get angry at him (because of old  hurts and  old betrayals). he will have  to endure and be kind to you nonetheless. Always.

I don’t think anything less will do, correct? And  even such a saint  of a man may not be enough. I don’t know.

There is no arguing with life experience. You really were betrayed by your mother, your father,  other family members, and  other people throughout your life. This experience formed your core belief, how you feel about life and what you can expect from people. The little acts of kindness that you received and  receive, are  simply not enough, I don’t think. Are  they.

anita