Dear Lisa:

As to your first comment in your most recent post, that you lost a couple of people because you didn’t respond to them fast enough: not necessarily so. Often, here on these very forums, when original posters do respond very quickly to people posting on their threads (respondents), the respondents do not post again to the original poster.

Regarding  “If someone treats me less I am imagining it, if someone bullies me I am misinterpreting their meaning”- we do move the information from our environment through our brains, through our prior life experiences. A child does not have prior experience, so her understanding of the environment is accurate. Adults’ understandings is subject to the prior experience.

At times you are treated disrespectfully, as less than. At other times you are misinterpreting people’s actions to mean that they treat you as less than. At times you are being bullies; at other times you are misinterpreting.

The key is to discern at what times you are really treated as less than, and then respond accordingly and at what times you were treated fine and misinterpreted it as being treated less than, and then respond- or not- according to what it is, in reality.

Almost everyone misinterprets others’ behaviors. Some more than others. Let’s say, as an example, that you feel that I think less of you because of something I wrote, that I treated you as less than. You can ask me: what did you mean by (what I wrote). Did you mean (what you interpreted)- and I will answer you honestly. You can check, at least with some people, their intent or motivation in having written or said this or that. That way you check the accuracy- or lack of accuracy- of your interpretation.

Hope you feel better soon. Post anytime.

anita

Dear Lisa:

I am back four hours later than I stated above.

You wrote in your last post that you never had bad intentions, that you loved school, that you want friendships and romance, and yet, you are repeatedly disrespected and treated as worth less than other women, working a low paying job, not safe at home (and not owning one, as you indicated before), ignored by men and manipulated by selfish women. And then when you are upset at this great injustice, others indicate to you that you are responsible for these things (I am borrowing from previous posts), that you are “a villain”.

As a committed respondent to your thread, I understand that you cannot take an ounce of criticism from anyone, you stated this. Not that I am interested in criticizing you- not at all. Criticism is the last thing you need. The problem I am having is that you are likely to view any suggestion on my part as criticism.

And so, I am not going to suggest anything to you. You need to vent, to express yourself, so please do, keep expressing. At the most, I will repeat back to you, as I did on this post, what you express.

Keep posting, Lisa, for as long as it is somewhat helpful.

anita

Dear Lisa:

Like I wrote in my last post to you, “I will repeat back to you, as I did on this post, what you express”, and so, I am repeating what you shared in your three posts of yesterday:

This is what you shared, what you believe: Men are selfish, they only love themselves. They place women into two categories: The Worthy (“the worthies”) and the Unworthy (“the unworthies”). Women in both categories are not allowed to speak their minds, to challenge the men. If women in the Worthy category challenge men, men will respond by removing them from the Worthy category and placing them in the Unworthy category.

Men recycle the Unworthy and treat them like they are nothing. They show concern and take care of women in the Worthy category, but show no concern and no caring to women in the Unworthy category. Men expect women in the Unworthy category not only to never challenge them, but also to never challenge the women in the Worthy category.

Men have placed you, Lisa, in the Unworthy category. The placement was done a long time ago, when you were a girl, even though you were “a pretty, talented, bright girl”. Unexplainably, you don’t know why, boys have placed in the Unworthy category, a category you have been stuck in your whole life.

Unlike other women in the Unworthy category, you speak your mind, you challenge men and you challenge women in the Worthy category. For that you are punished by the men, eternally dismissed, and attacked by the women in the Worthy category. Because you challenge men and those women, you are made out to be a villain, a horrible, horrible woman.

anita

Dear Lisa:

Indeed, you have the right to use words any way you like, as long as you are not abusive (and you haven’t been abusive here). You have the right to express yourself authentically, and I am glad you did.

You wrote that you would have liked to read my thoughts. I didn’t know that you would. Now that I do, I will be glad to share my thoughts with you regarding what you believe to be reality, as I summarized in my last post to you:

I believe that there is truth to what you believe but it is not the whole truth. The part that is true is that yes, especially in certain cultures, and quite widespread, men do place women in categories, the “good girls” worthy of marriage, and the “bad girls” not worthy of marriage. The “bad girls” are used for sex and disrespected while the “good girls” are used as mothers of their children and treated with respect (other than being cheated on with the “bad girls” and continuing to do so no matter how painful their cheating is to their wives).

It is true that the “good girls” turned wives resent the “bad girls” and attack them, verbally at the least, keeping the “bad girls” as far away as they can from their lives (and their husbands’ lives, unsuccessfully).

It is also true that women are being put down by many men, in public, or otherwise, for being outspoken and assertive, being made fun of for not being feminine and so forth.

The part of what you believe that is untrue is that ALL men place women in these categories, that these categories are as rigid as in being lifetime, a sort of fate. That whenever a man is pleasant to you it is because he has to, that he is necessarily not authentic being pleasant or kind to you. There are many men who do not at all enjoy the power status you believe they have. Many men who feel women are the stronger gender and they behave accordingly. There are men who believe women are an equal gender and behave accordingly.

I believe that people and the world is not as rigid as you believe it is. I believe it is not predetermined for you to be “Alone”, the title of your thread. I believe that you were not destined to an Unworthy category.

anita

Dear Lisa:

Do you have a response to this part of my last post to you: “There are many men who do not at all enjoy the power status you believe they have. Many men who feel women are the stronger gender and they behave accordingly. There are men who believe women are an equal gender and behave accordingly”

?

anita