Hi Richard,

I wish you were friend-zoned before you had sex. Call me old fashioned, but why did she even add that in if it wasn’t going anywhere? It also gives you a false message that everything is going along just fine.

I would drop the rope in terms of communicating with her. Let her change her own mind and make the awkward phone call if it ever comes.

Next time, make sure you are in a relationship before sleeping over or any other such nonsense.

Protect your Heart,

Inky

Dear Richard:

I would like to understand better if it is possible for me to understand better. Therefore I ask: without giving me sexual details (please don’t), how was that experience with her, Jan 5, the only time you had sex, if I understand correctly?

anita

Dear Richard:

There are lots of women out there who have certain expectations of men, many of those unrealistic expectations. Women expect men to entertain them, to excite them, to take them for a thrill ride that will end with a happily-ever-after. Or a woman may just want the thrill ride.

And so, as much as many women say that they want a good, stable man who will treat them well, one they can trust… they choose omen who may not be trustworthy because of the thrill factor.

It can be something like this: a woman looks at a man and needs to see a confident man, one who looks strong but not readily accessible or available. Next she needs to conquer that pillar of strength.

Are you familiar with this dynamic/ do you think it applies to women you met?

anita

Dear Richard:

She was “looking to settle down with a good/ kind-hearted person”- this is what she wrote in her profile/ tell you, correct?

This is what I suggested to you: women say those things while longing for the thrill of conquering a strong-yet-undecided man. I don know of course, if this was the case with  her, but according to your detailed times you met her, you sure behaved like a good, kind-hearted man.

Why wasn’t that good enough for her then, is the question. Did she tell you of her past experiences with men, what kind of men she was in relationships before?

anita

Do you happen to know how long she’d been single or if she has any fears as far as dating/commitment goes… perhaps might have some walls up? I can see that making her want to pump the breaks, especially once any sort of emotional connection starts to form, and 2 weeks is not enough time to get past that stage.

I’m also one that doesn’t believe in the friend zone, though. I’m 36 years old and have most definitely fallen for some of my best guy friends in the past, but it took time to build up the connection. Just being friends, even when you feel a connection, is not something everyone does or can do though, and you both have to go into it with zero expectations of a romantic relationship developing, so if that’s not something you can do, it does sound like you should take what she said at face value and just move on because there’s no telling whether she was pulling back because of fear or because she really just wasn’t feeling it.