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Am I judgmental?

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  • #439788
    EvFran
    Participant
    Hi,
    I need your help.
    I feel very disappointed by many people. I don’t know what’s the best solution: just block them social media and disappear in silence or should I explain why I am so sad and upset?
    Thanks for your advice.  I don’t want to make this post too long. But if you want, I can give you examples.
    #439789
    Jana 🪷
    Participant

    Yes, sure. Explain why you are sad and upset. We’ll get a bigger picture of your problem.

    ☀️ 🪷

    #439792
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi EvFran

    Your asking a question I think many struggle with. When to speak up and when not to and maybe even block them. The latter being difficult as that could mean we stop listening ourselves and or putting our heads in the sand.

    I think we ought to be careful of all or nothing solutions though if I’m being honest with myself tend towards the latter.

    The best advice on such question I’ve come across was from a book ‘Crucial Conversations Tools for talking when stakes are high.
    The questions I ask myself before engaging is, Is it safe, do I understand my own story, am I in a space were can hear/listen… am I acting out of a sense of righteous nutritiousness which is common today and quite addictive.

    Am I hoping to be seen and understood by a person who can’t see me…

    #439798
    anita
    Participant

    Dear EvFran;

    So good to read from you again, it’s been a while! I am sorry though that people have let you down..

    just block them social media and disappear in silence or should I explain why I am so sad and upset?“-

    – here’s my advice: respectfully, explain your feelings first, and then decide whether to maintain contact based on their response. If they’re receptive, respectful and willing to change what is needed to be changed on their part, it could lead to a positive outcome. If they are not receptive nor respectful, block them.

    If interacting with some people is causing you significant distress, a break/ blocking them can give you the space you need to heal without the added stress of ongoing interactions.

    On the other hand, if you think there’s a chance for constructive dialogue, explaining your feelings might provide closure and possibly improve the situation. It can be therapeutic to express what’s on your mind, and it might help others understand your perspective.

    Personally, if I believe a person is not honest with me, is manipulative, etc., there is no point in explaining my feelings. No one is perfect, so I don’t expect.. honesty-perfection. Not even from myself. But I expect enough honesty and enough straightforwardness to make a logical/ sensible dialogue possible.

    Am I judgmental?“- it’s natural to have expectations in relationships, and when those aren’t met, it’s normal to feel upset. Being judgmental typically involves forming critical opinions without understanding the full context. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re more hurt than judgmental.

    If you’d like to share examples or talk more about it, I’m here to listen and offer support.

    anita

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