Dear calisister:

I didn’t know you posted yesterday because it did not reflect under Topics. When you submit, see if your name shows under Topics and if not do the corrective post as you did a moment ago, that corrects it for me every time.

Notice, calisister, your tendency, a strong tendency to express your distress as always happening, every moment of every day, as you did on this thread, repeatedly. In reality, your distress is not always, not every moment of every day. When you find yourself expressing your distress to others in the future, avoid the always, avoid the exaggeration. That will be responsible sharing.

Remember my point about not overwhelming your sister with your sharing? This is one way to do that, to not exaggerate.

Do you think you might be exaggerating your distress when you share with others, in other ways, so to get their full attention?

Regarding May last year, if you would like, will you tell me what happened when your parents arrived to the home of your friend?

This line of exploration here may be difficult for you to participate in, and of course it is your choice if you do, or not. You can stop it anytime.

I believe it can be very useful for you though, and so, I hope that you will continue with it.

anita

Dear calisister:

I meant that it might be difficult for you to participate with me in conversation after I suggested, as I did above, that you may be exaggerating your distress to others, beyond the always/ never point.

anita

Dear calisister:

You wrote: “my mind is always distressed”- I thought your mind is not always distressed. So you will not use this forum as your diary- hmmm, I thought we communicated on your forum, diary sounds like a solo activity. But you will explain later about your father? I hope so, that is, that you will post again.

Will soon be away from the computer for about sixteen hours. Take good care of yourself, calisister.

anita

Dear calisister:

I understand about you not using this as a diary.

You wrote: “To me my mind is always distressed… I do not know of a moment when my mind is not attacking me with some ruminating negative thought”-

How about when you sleep?

When on that hike with your puppy that you shared about, when you felt love for him, was there a moment then?

When you eat a delectable Mexican meal (your favorite food)? When you dance, at times?

Any relief from distress when you talk to your sister, or anytime during reading my posts to you here?

Regarding May last year, you shared before that you find some comfort in your father’s company, none in your mother’s. Clearly the comfort you get from him is very temporary and very limited.

A child, alone, day in and day out, like you have been, that loneliness, that aloneness, reaching out, as a child naturally does, and not receiving comfort, my goodness, that does something to a child, that endless aloneness.

anita

Dear calisister:

What you shared above, that you experience distress all the time, no breaks, is consistent with your very first post on this thread: “anxiety takes over every second. SECOND. blurry vision, not hearing… feeling heavy/ overwhelmed- FIGHT OR FLIGHT is always on… i’m just anxious- just have baseline anxiety all the time”

every second. SECOND… always on… all the time.

It is impossible for the brain to survive with that experience every second of the day and night, year after year. And survive you did, not in an unconscious, minimally alive state, but graduating school after school all the way to a PhD.

The aloneness- what can you do about it, you asked. Oh, how many answers there are out there for that question.

When a child is so hungry to not be alone, for as long as you have been, a child adapts somehow. I daydreamed a whole lot, made believe I had lots of friends and lots of love. My brain took its breaks from anxiety that way. What did you do, as a child, what did you do to adapt to being so alone?

anita