Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→being surrounded with bitter people and lonliness
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December 9, 2022 at 8:18 am #411558
AnonymousGuestThank you, Farnaz. I hope that your internet connection improves in your beautiful country!
anita
December 9, 2022 at 10:27 am #411563
farnazParticipantDear Anita
yes in my beautiful country ,there are a lot of protests going on , you probably heard in news and the government is messing with net connection so they can have more control over us , like a possessive parent i guess but in huge scale . power dynamic is the same though .
believe what is true, no matter it being easy or hard to believe. this world is cruel and i believe for people who are raised by cruel people , is more real than others .
it’s business as usual. It was done to them.. now, it’s their turn. YES it came so natural at least to my parents , and my siblings are following this tradition too . maybe it was only me who was questioning it , because i was the baby of the family and always in receiving end . and i was labeled difficult because i made it too difficult for them most of the times .
Most people abuse power when power is available to them, and parents are no exception. Becoming a parent is the most common way- for the masses- to gain power…is that they have no power to abuse; so, they are more likely to have your best interest in mind and heart. unfortunately , it is true . the closer they are ,the worst they can hurt us but what do you think we can do for preventing these situations?
December 9, 2022 at 12:28 pm #411570AnonymousGuestDear Farnaz:
I’ve known for a while that your screen name is Persian, but I didn’t know/ wasn’t sure that you live in Persia aka Iran. Of course I hear in the news every evening about the current protests and governmental abuses in Iran, so you are there! How does it feel to be so close…?
I agree with your comparison between possessive government and possessive parents. It’s about the Abuse of Power theme.
“This world is cruel“- yes, there are lots of cruelty in the world, and it scares me. Better be aware and focus on the good. Because there is good in our world: better acknowledge it and promote it.
“What do you think we can do for preventing these situations?“- to prevent abuses of power: be aware of existing abuses, avoid and prevent abuse-of-power situations wherever and whenever possible, focus and promote the good… What do you think is the answer, if there is an answer?
anita
December 9, 2022 at 9:45 pm #411580farnazParticipantdear Anita
well , i don`t feel particularly good living so close , maybe it is said that all protests are about forcing hijab on women but i believe the reason is much deeper , it is also because of all economical pressure on people , our situation is much more complicated that it appears , i hope every thing gets better .
I agree with your comparison between possessive government and possessive parents. It’s about the Abuse of Power theme. i don
t think that anybody even consider them as a person i mean the heads of this regime , have you seen them in TV?, they dont look like any Iranian , let alone to fear them , if they didn`t have power and unfortunately they have a lot.to prevent abuses of power: be aware of existing abuses, avoid and prevent abuse-of-power situations wherever and whenever possible , i can imagine that we can avoid some situations as you said wherever and whenever so you agree that it
s not possible all the times , for example in my culture , i was told by my family , teachers and another authority figures i had that in order to not getting advantage of people specially men , i should study and work and e independent , now the majority of university students in Iran are females , if there was enough work places for them , that would be a ideal situation and we are not going to be at the mercy of our families but i dont know it would apply in other situations too or not ?farnaz
December 10, 2022 at 7:22 am #411589AnonymousGuestDear Farnaz:
A short and very limited review about the unrest in Iran: the series of nationwide civil protests in 2019 & 2020 initially started because of a huge increase in fuel prices (50%- 200% ), but extended to be a political uprising by the Iranian Democracy Movement calling for the overthrow of the Islamic government. These were the most violent anti-government unrest since the Iranian/ Islamic Revolution of 1979. In efforts to crush the protests, the Islamic Iranian government shut down the internet nationwide and shot as many as 1,500 protesters dead from rooftops, helicopters and at close range.
The more recent wave of protests started July 15, 2021 in the Khuzestan province of Iran because of the (summer) water shortage. In Sept 2021, there were many protests in many cities and provinces by teachers, educators and other workers, protesting worsening economic conditions and poverty. On Sept 16, 2022, protests started as a reaction to the killing of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini by the Islamic religious police (“Guidance Patrol) for wearing an “improper” hijab (head covering) while visiting Tehran.
Back to your post, Farnaz: “I don’t think that anybody even considers them as a person, I mean, the heads of this regime, have you seen them on TV? They don’t look (scary), if they didn’t have power and unfortunately they have a lot“- Yes, I looked at photos online, they look human in the photos.
“I can imagine that we can avoid some situations as you said“- there is an incredible number of abusive situations all over the world that we, as regular citizens, can avoid. Better we do that.
“In my culture, I was told by my family, teachers and other authority figures I had, that in order to not get taken advantage of by people, especially men, I should study and work and be independent. Now, the majority of university students in Iran are females, if there was enough work places for them, that would be an ideal situation“- according to Iran focus. com, 89% of unemployed women in Iran are highly educated. (You are one of the 11%)…
“but I don’t know it would apply in other situations too, or not?“- I didn’t understand this question…?
anita
December 10, 2022 at 10:53 am #411634farnazParticipantdear Anita
they look human in the photos. i meant their appearance is not like an average Iranian and we are pissed that they are somehow represent us as Iranian in the world , another issue with them , exactly like any oppressive government using religion as a weapon and that made all us hate our religion
Sept 16, 2022, protests started as a reaction to the killing of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini by the Islamic religious police , and protests are going on from then , which is as much as i can remember is the longest period ,people protested the regime. i try to not follow the news as much , it
s maddening but im impressed by your study about Iran in such a short time .according to Iran focus. com, 89% of unemployed women in Iran are highly educated. (You are one of the 11%)… yes unfortunately , there are a lot of people especially women who studied what they didn’t want to because they thought at the the time it was better than their passion , i don
t believe its specific to Iran , but whats the point if you cant apply your knowledge . the most important issue is unemployment , I’m from north and if you search in internet , you may find that we are known for being open minded and not in religion and women are living with more freedom than other provinces , they are more educated too , but there is not that many factories or companies where these women can work . some work in jobs completely unrelated to their major , without any insurance or guaranty the they can keep the job . I’m lucky because the health system is still under stuffed that`s why i could have a job .but I don’t know it would apply in other situations too, or not?“- I didn’t understand this question…i mean maybe you can overcome some of these power imbalance situation by being independent , having your income and being knowledgeable in what you do in your professional life but how you can prevent or overcome a power imbalance in your private life , for example my dad was paying my tuition fee and there was no way i could afford it myself , so how could i stop him abusing his power ?and imagine a woman with no income to be trapped with an abusive husband and she doesn
t have her familys support , how she can save herself , it`s not possible to avoid the people who abuse their power , specially when you are kid and sometimes even in adulthood .i think by being financially independent , not being isolated , being emotionally strong and have a purpose in life you can somehow manage the situation with power hungry people , when you can`t avoid them .
i don
t believe its all about money and being independent financially solve all the problems . some of people i know that used their power were just doing it by making me believe they are my only savior and they are the only one i can trust like my parents and some strangers i unfortunately met in my dark times when they were doing nothing for me aor worse they were the one who were hurting me behind my back , so i believe being strong mentally and emotionally would help a lot. what do you think ?Farnaz
December 10, 2022 at 11:28 am #411670AnonymousGuestDear Farnaz:
Oh, you meant how backward (and ugly) they look..? Yes, I know, and I know this is not how the Persian people look. I can see how embarrassing it can be when these men are the face / representation of the Persian people to the world. I have a bit of the flu since last night, hardly slept. I will reply further later. Also, and not unrelated, there’s a wind and rain storm happening here since last night and I may lose internet connections as a result (I live outside the city limit, on higher elevation, so my internet is slow and unreliable when the weather is bad or when vehicles crash into power lines on the highway below).
anita
December 10, 2022 at 7:45 pm #411699AnonymousGuestI will be back to your thread in about 11 hours, Farnaz.
anita
December 10, 2022 at 9:48 pm #411700farnazParticipantdear Anita
please take care of yourself and rest as much as you need .
see you soon
get better
farnaz
December 11, 2022 at 9:28 am #411717AnonymousGuestDear Farnaz:
Thank you, still unwell, but not too bad.
“We are pissed that they are somehow representing us as Iranian in the world, another issue with them, exactly like any oppressive government using religion as a weapon and that made all us hate our religion“- it is a shame that they use Islam as a weapon against their own people (and/ or against anyone). There are wonderful principles in Islam, principles like modesty that I personally prefer. If it was practiced ethically and in moderation, it would have been an excellent guide to living in a society that I would personally prefer.
“The most important issue is unemployment. I’m from north and if you search in internet, you may find that we are known for being open minded, and not in religion, and women are living with more freedom than other provinces, they are more educated too, but there are not that many factories or companies where these women can work… I’m lucky because the health system is still understaffed that’s why I could have a job“-
Marville College, Global Affairs/ Women’s Rights in Iran, Nov 2014: “Women’s rights in Iran today have provided very little change. Men are still considered heads of the household, giving him power over the wife’s right to work and travel. Domestic violence is a hush-hush issue swept under the rug. Any laws put in place to promote equality are rarely enforced or followed. Women’s rights in Iran remain among the most restricted in the world. There are more Iranian women in the work force today than five years ago, but few ever advance beyond entry-level positions. Many Iranians believe women are only hired to fill government quotas. Women continue to earn significantly less than men in the same level of work with the same level of education and experience. While more women are receiving educations in Iran today, they are encouraged to follow traditionally feminine disciplines such as nursing or teaching younger children. Women are required to have higher grade point averages than men to attend the same schools. Most families promote their daughters and wives to stay at home… There are multiple solutions to the lack of women’s rights in Iran. The first would of course be finding an alternative to the Islamic Republic. As all countries shift forms of government in hopes of finding a better one, it is time Iran make such a shift. Another solution, is of course education. The rest of the world needs to be aware of the inequality occurring in the Middle East. On a personal level, one may help the problem by being aware why women migrate to other countries in search of education or freedom to marry who they choose. If the rest of the world can pressure countries like Iran to change their ways, we are giving voices to the women of Iran who cannot speak up”.
“For example, my dad was paying my tuition fee and there was no way I could afford it myself, so how could I stop him abusing his power? And imagine a woman with no income trapped with an abusive husband and she doesn’t have her family’s support, how she can save herself. It’s not possible to avoid the people who abuse their power, especially when you are kid and sometimes even in adulthood“- true, and like it says in the article I quoted from above, it would have taken a heavy duty global education and political activism about abuses of power against women, so to change things.. it is a shame that the internet is filled with so much disinformation and misinformation that there is.. hardly any space for the right kind of information and education, as well as political activism based on accurate information.
“I think by being financially independent, not being isolated, being emotionally strong and have a purpose in life you can somehow manage the situation with power hungry people, when you can’t avoid them. ..so I believe being strong mentally and emotionally would help a lot. What do you think?“- I agree of course with what you wrote here, absolutely!
anita
December 12, 2022 at 2:06 am #411753farnazParticipantdear Anita
apparently you weren
t wearing mask while typing your last posts , because i got sick too . lol . im a little better now and i`m gonna reply to you in few hourstake care
farnaz
December 12, 2022 at 5:43 am #411755AnonymousGuestDear Farnaz:
You made a funny, haha. I hope that you continue to get better. I am having a setback, my joints hurt, my nose is running, I hardly slept… (if I was tech savvy enough to insert a miserable face emoji), probably because I was out in the cold for too long yesterday and into the evening. Looking forward to your post!
anita
December 12, 2022 at 11:26 am #411767farnazParticipantDear Anita
sorry to hear that you are not feeling good , it takes a few days at worst and hopefully you will feel better , just rest even if you can`t sleep and have a lot of liquids , unfortunately that is the extend i can help .
Women continue to earn significantly less than men in the same level of work with the same level of education and experience. it`s not true , women with same education in same level of work have equal salary.
Most families promote their daughters and wives to stay at home that
s not true either ,i understand you read it in some websites ,and they still have this old picture of iranian family , but actually a lot changed from my childhood and lots of them were for the better and some of them not so much , regarding modesty , actually i believe the limitation of some families made their children overly sexual when they reach certain age . obviously the government has a huge effect on freedom but there are some oppressive people who wouldnt care if even there was freedom , they would force their wives and daughters to wear scarfs , stay at home and putting down because of their culture not because of religion , religion is just a weapon for themat least my parents are not guilty of that , lol . i can give them that credit .
believe being strong mentally and emotionally would help a lot. What do you think?“- I agree of course with what you wrote here, absolutely! i
m quoting myself to give you the context , as i said i studied abroad which was a european country not necessary the most liberal one but still in europe , i had classmates from different nationalities , Icelandic , swedish , Israeli , french and sometimes it amazed me how they could grow up in the environment where apparently they were protected by law and government but they still choose to be in very bad and abusive relationship , they wanted to be miserable by choice . thanks god they were the minorities but i wonder why and that made me believe and thats more about self respect and being emotionally strong , they didn`t believe they could live alone . obviously there are more into this problembut if you believe you can
t handle your life alone you would put up with very bad situations and very bad people , im guilty of it too mostly about my choice of friends and almost once with a mani hope you feel better now , after few hours you wrote your post and don`t go outside
get better
farnaz
December 12, 2022 at 12:04 pm #411769AnonymousGuestDear Farnaz:
Thank you, I took a very hot bath a little while ago, am clean and dry (no longer perspiring, yuck), I am about to wash the bedsheets and get into a dry, clean bed; so yes, I am feeling better.
“have a lot of liquids, unfortunately that is the extend I can help“- actually, that’s a lot of help: I completely forgot to drink liquids. I normally drink very little water/ water-like and no exception when sick, so thank you! (Ever since you told me that you work in healthcare, I’ve been curious to know whether you are a medical doctor…)
“It’s not true , women with same education in same level of work have equal salary… that’s not true either“- like I said before, lots of misinformation (mistaken info) and disinformation (purposefully wrong).
“Regarding modesty, actually I believe the limitation of some families made their children overly sexual“- what kinds of limitations? And what do you consider desired modesty vs undesired modesty? (I will answer the same, if you want me to).
“I studied abroad… I had classmates from different nationalities, Icelandic, Swedish, Israeli, French, and sometimes it amazed me how they could grow up in the environment where apparently they were protected by law and government, but they still choose to be in very bad and abusive relationships. They wanted to be miserable by choice“- (1) I was born, and grew up in Israel, by the way. My first language- as a young child- was French (mother from Morocco, father from Romania) and second, Hebrew. There were plenty of Iranian immigrants in Israel, when I was growing up, (2) yes, lots of abuse everywhere, in the so called developed and underdeveloped countries. I don’t think that people WANT to be miserable though. It’s that they want something (ex., love)… but it happens to be accompanied by abuse.
“If you believe you can’t handle your life alone, you would put up with very bad situations and very bad people, I’m guilty of it too, mostly about my choices of friends, and almost once, with a man“- I wonder what happened with that man. We can swipe horror stories in regard to men, if you’d like to do that (I have nothing better to do today, as it seems I will be staying home ALL day!).
anita
December 13, 2022 at 5:41 am #411783farnazParticipantdear Anita
sorry for replying late , i had a very hectic day , first my car didn
t start and once it did and i finished my work and came back home , i couldnt lock it!!!!i still can`t .i wanted to reply to you but my keyboard was nt working , only in this website apparently , lol , i`m writing from my tablet now
that’s a lot of help: I completely forgot to drink liquids. I normally drink very little water/ water-like and no exception when sick, so thank you! (Ever since you told me that you work in healthcare, I’ve been curious to know whether you are a medical doctor…) i
m glad to hear it , i used to ignore my dehydration too until i found out it has a lot of side effects including increasing my appetite , so i pay attention more to drinking water . haha . and yes im a medical doctor .lots of misinformation (mistaken info) and disinformation (purposefully wrong). it`s unfortunately true
what kinds of limitations? And what do you consider desired modesty vs undesired modesty? (I will answer the same, if you want me to). i
m not sure if i understand your 2nd question , but for the first one: forcing the women in family to wear scarf or an special kind of jijab with is similar to burka , we called it chador , its not actually covering the face as burka . limiting socializing outside even with another girls and the most important one is double standard and discrimination between a brother and sister in the same family , the son can have a lot of freedom and the daughter has none . in the past actually most families deprived the daughter from education , there is an old saying in my pop culture , the man can have all kinds of fun with anywomen he wants but ultimatly he marries a virgin , as you guess that doesn’t apply to women . it was common before in Iran but alot of men wouldn`t care about their wife virginity now , the majority do .I was born, and grew up in Israel, by the way. My first language- as a young child- was French (mother from Morocco, father from Romania) and second, Hebrew. There were plenty of Iranian immigrants in Israel, when I was growing up i was courios about your nationality i was guessing you live in us but you said i`m in another side of the world away from my mother , so i guessed maybe you are from an Asian country , lol . i met a lot of Israelis with iranian background too , which was weird at the beginning , because of all animosity between Iran and Israel or what they want us to be . i think there are more similarities between islam and your religion than with Christianity .
on peux parler aussi en francais aussi , ca fait longtemps que j
ai pas parle en francais and jai oublie beaucoup en plus ecrire en francais est tres difficile et je suis trop paresseure de telecharger french keyboard , lolWANT to be miserable though. It’s that they want something (ex., love)… but it happens to be accompanied by abuse. but some relationships are doomed from the beginning , the way they started i mean
i
m gonna share my experience with the guy, im glad you asked but honestly i fear you judged me , please bear in mind it wasnt characteristic to me to be like that . i was working in a heart hospital for a short time because there are some extra internship , we should take for our certificate as a medical doctor to be accepted in Iran , i was working as gp under supervision of the residents , one of those were a guy who was tall , handsome and smart , apparantly he scored highest in board exam even better than those residents with more years of education . he was really nasty to me but i could say he was checking me out whenever he had a chance , i sensed he was nasty because he wanted to get upper hand or something like that , i know this is childish so ignored him completely and i can say i was kinda rude to him and it wasnt really what he expected , after a while we got along , he changed his attitude completely and in one or 2 occasions , we were both awake through the night taliking and laughing , because we were both in duty , i happened to like this guy he seemed to be genuinely inteseted in me , he was asking about my likes and dislikes and i asked him too and we had a lot to talk about . but after both nights before the morning meeting when i was gathering the result of new tests , he was completely changed , he ignored me completely . that was weird , i finished that short period in that hospital and i had to practice dermatology in another place , i sent him afew messages , like 2 to see what he is up to , he wasnt interested so , that was it , four months afte,r i accitently met him in another hospital we were taliking and he had to go so he said he is going to message me , no message after 3 months . my dad got sick and it was near our new year , the problem was most doctors would go to vacation for at least 2 weeks , in that time we werent sure that he was operable or not , he needed a cardiologist to confirm it or not .that
s hard time to explain i called him and i dont know why >he couldnt do anything because he is not gratuated but he couldt connect me to another people , to be hnest i could connect to them by another ways , ok , i called him but hung out after 2 beebs he called me back , i explain the situation, he was helpful i giving me someone who was working that time but wasnt symmpathetic towards me particularly , he called me dear , azizam in our language , i keep contacting him by text , he was at him home , i tried to keep him interested and i realized he is just interested in sex , im not that kind of person but i guess dealing with my dads disease , he contacted me the day he was supposed to return to my city , his work place , and he asked if i return right now , would you come over to my place to have s## , i refused , i told him before thats not my style , she was persisstant and pushy and i said i want to see you in public place before he was like , but we know each other , what we are going to talk about , the hospital ?he was very annoyed , and i told him i would see him tomorrow in public , he said im h^^^^right now… he convinced me to have a s^^ video chat with him and he got satisfied , and he hung ut immediately , after a while a few days i contacted him , he said he is not available , he had a repair man in his flat to fix the washing machine ,yessss he wanted me at his home , and i was pissed , i didnt say im gonna go his place but i did complain about his rudeness , in the same week my dad passed and i had his photo in my messenger photo obviously , he didnt say anything to me , he didnt see it or he saw it (it was written that my dad passed ,it was story of my WhatsApp account )and he didn`t care to message me , i was so pissed , heart less , it was like he wanted me to hurt morethat was too long sorry
just let me know how do you think about this guy?
farnaz
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 