Thank you all three for your kind responses and they all make a lot of sense. So thank you the support shown.

For Nan, yes I have heard the term gaslightning – and I can honestly say that I have never been more confused in my whole life as
I have in this relationship. I do not have other relationships that bring me this amount of confusion. I have gone through all the excuses
in the world from ranging to that I do not trust people to it must have been something wrong with my childhood – so the problem always
lies on me.

When I explained for my boyfriend what I’ve read – he went hysteric and cried and cried and even trying to throw up several times. It ended up with me feeling sorry for him, although it felt wrong. He said that he was a victim and that he needed someone to talk to that would understand him. So he went to talk to his friends about it but only told them 1/10 of the story – of course they gave him the support he wanted and then he started to feel good again.

And to Inky, I absolutely understand your point. I would never do the same thing again and I would never have done it if I wasn’t feeling the way I was feeling at the time (which is no excuse). I just really tried to be honest with her and him. I asked if she liked him during this period and that I would be fine with that but then I said that we couldn’t continoue with this.

It just feels like it wasn’t the first time my friend acted like this. We had been friends for a very long time and throughout this time it’s been constant feelings of hurt from my behalf. She slept with a man I dated for a month. She was never around after my ex boyfriend broke up with me and her excuse was that I left her for him. She never included me in any of her plans although we stayed together. And for example if I wore a new dress she would always say that that dress would look so good on her because she has the right curves.

I am not trying to act like a victim here – it’s just that I am so confused that I do not know right from wrong.

I just felt very lonely during that period of my life.

It all ended over a year ago and he really just had contact with her about art work- I trust him that much. It was just during this period they were sending messages to each other. So it ended then. He was talking really bad about her and he seemed that he wanted the best for me. I do not think he ever wanted to be with her but that he liked the attention and admiration. She on the other hand got infatuated in him, which I completely understand as he is very charming.

It’s just that the most hurtful thing I read was when we were all at a festival and that I tried to talk to him and he refused to listen – an already hurt me just left and I stayed away for hours. We were there with other people as well. It just felt like I’ve had enough – I couldn’t take it anymore. And then what I read was that they both went and looked for me but that they had given up fast and gone back to the tent where he said that this was really hard and that me and her was opposites and that he loved her. Then they kissed and held hands and she gave him a massage.
I understand that my behaviour was immature but I couldn’t help it. When I came back I felt really bad, it felt like I was constantly the one that was sad, upset and boring. Deep down I think I just wanted him to care for me. To really care for me. Or even her.

I just got used to be ignored and treated in a certain way. I’ve had a abusive relationship before, and it was different from this one. At least he did not stalk me, forced me to have intercourse and so on. This was so different. But yet so much more confusing. So many times I have told me that I am destroyed from the last relationship and so has he, numerous times.

But I did feel there was something wrong – that he did not care – that she did not care. It’s just hard to understand that he was disgusted by her and the whole situation when he acted like he did. And if what I read is true.

Kind wishes,

Elisa

Dear Anita,

Yes you are so right, I don’t think I cared that much about myself before the threesom during it or after it. I am really trying now though to get back on my feet.

I have been reading a lot about narcissist, it’s almost like I need an answer to what I’ve been through. I know that my ex boyfriend displayed so my qualities of a narcissist, extremly charming and abusive towards me. Sometimes when I’ve told a person about it they tell me it’s was becuause of his young age. Although this was true, he was young, but so was I – it hurts to minimise the pain I went through to blame it on his age.

Anyway, when I met my current boyfriend he was far from my first boyfriend. I read about love bombing, I don’t know if this is it but we talked for 3-4 hours every night (during four months) and he never once mentioned a girlfriend. It was a super intense attraction although I could see red flags that I was probably ignoring – I wanted what he could offer. I really did.
I found myself in his house a few months later and it all fell flat. It’s almost like waking up from a dream.

It’s just that he is direct mean to me. And like you said Anita – he is not as “bad” as my ex boyfriend. But his behaviour is definetly more confusing. He displays the same grandiosity behaviour and the same “it’s never my fault”.

Sorry don’t know where I want to go with this. And yeah you are right – I have been starting to see a psychotherapist actually – and she is great. It’s very expensive though so I can only go sometimes here and there. But she takes my pain serious and she is just great.
¨
It’s almost a relieve to hear that it’s ok to feel what I feel and that it’s ok to walk away. See everyone loves this guy and thinks he’s great – so I must be the bad one in it all. And who knows.

Thank you Anita for your kind answer.

Elisa