We haven’t officially broken up yet! He hasn’t spoken on the topic yet! Nor he talks to me like somebody who’s talking to his girlfriend. There’s no- I love yous and I miss yous. Just casual texting (2-3 msgs). I’ve very considerate regarding his situation but he doesn’t care for me. I don’t like being in this position. He hasn’t set me free yet!

Dear Anita

I’m doing fine. Thank you for the concern. I’m mustering up courage to follow your advice. Maybe I’ll do it in another 1-2 days. Right now, I had this epiphany regarding my job. I was trying my ass off for more than a year to reach where I am today professionally. I’ve gone through phases of rejections and self doubts. And now that I have gotten this big opportunity, I’m flushing it all in gutter for a man! A man who doesn’t give a fuck about me. Since then I’ve been working on my project and have put this guy’s thought on the backseat!

I’ll be fine! 🙂

Dear Anita

Thank you so much! I hope I make both of us proud!

Wish me luck! 😀

A little update on what I’ve been upto.

It’s been over 10 days since we last talked. The last day I asked him what is happening to us and that we should talk. I wrote him that he should give me a final answer because it’s hard for me living like this. He said he was confused. I offered him a solution. I asked him to talk to his mother and that it’s an opportunity for us that he’s not here since I can go and meet his mother once every two weeks, maybe things would change. I reminded him that he’s the one who said that he’s neither leaving his mom, nor me. I told him how hard it is for me to move on since everything I do here has a memory associated with him. I asked him to call me. He never did. He replied that the place he’s staying doesn’t have a wifi and the phone’s internet package is very expensive there. He also said that it’s not him who’s doing anything wrong, its his parents. I’m still his everything. (And I was like dude, you haven’t even started the fight. How come your parents are the only villains. You didn’t even mention my name. That stupid conversation you had with your mother is the only thing you’ve initiated. I didn’t say these things to him else things would’ve turned ugly). He didn’t cater to any of my other messages. We had fixed 30th September as the judgement day and I waited for his msg, but I never got any. It’s not like he hasn’t been using any internet there. I had seen him online on WhatsApp hundreds of times and he was even considerate enough to text me once. 23rd September was the last time I had messaged him and 25th September was the last day I got any reply from his side. Since then, I’ve deleted his numbers, his photos, his messages. It’s like he never existed. This guy just fucked off! I can’t still wrap my head around the fact that this guy, my best friend, the guy who loved me the most didn’t even bother to check on me or even had the courage to end things. He wasn’t courteous enough to apologise. He just vanished! I know you’re in a different country, it’s hard for you to adjust there but how could you just fucked off from someone’s life like there’s wasn’t anything.

So long story short, I guess I’m still in a relationship. Hahahaha! I’m doing better than I had expected. My tears have dried up, which is good I think. I don’t miss him much. I’m just angry! I don’t miss the good memories, because this shit has completely overpowered that. I’m seeking help from my loved ones. People who genuinely care for me. Whenever I feel like texting him, I write letters in my notepad. There are almost 10 of them. I feel good after writing. I have started concentrating on my job, have joined gym. The only problem is sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep properly which alters my mood. All in all, I’m doing good because I just lost somebody who was coward and didn’t love me but that poor thing lost someone who loved him and cares for him. Alsooooo, I get sadistic pleasures from thinking that I’m doing much much much better than him. I have my support system with me here and I’m doing my dream job!

P.S.- It’s just a phase and it’ll pass!