About a month and a half ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I broke up with him because I realized he was very emotionally abusive towards me. After I broke up with him he begged and begged for me to take him back saying he will change. I know how hard it is for people to change in that way so I warned him multiple times. But he SWORE he would learn to change, that he would let me guide him. I took him back because there was a sliver of hope that he would put his all into it. And because I loved him and obviously did not want to leave him. So for the past 1.5 months he had tried to change. He really started treating me better but I could see that he was uncomfortable not demanding control over me. Well, slowly he went back to his old ways and we started fighting. He told me “I can’t be in this relationship anymore, you do not listen to what I want and you don’t understand me” and then he told me “I want to find a girl who will listen to me and understand me. So I plan on doing that” I should have known he wouldn’t change. He has no capability to. He is so young and there are so many other girls. He isn’t going to give up his horrible behavior for me when he can just find someone else. Ha.

This was obviously very hard for me to hear. Only one and a half months after he promised to change from his abusive ways so that we could live a happy life together in the future! He said the relationship had made him depressed. I just don’t understand. I had spent 2 years with him and if only he knew the amount of pain I went through after he tried so many times to control me. I didn’t leave because I did not know to call his behavior abuse. I should have but I couldn’t get myself to leave. We planned to marry each other. I based my college decision off of him. I plan to stay close FOR HIM. It was a story book abusive relationship. Any outcome you read online that an abusive relationship brings, was brought to me. I am positive he was abusive but I LOVED HIM and thought we could work together to fix this. Instead, he ditched me and chose to look for ANOTHER girl who he can control. Why. In the past, I would be devastated over us breaking up but I am not as devastated now as  it is clear to me he does not seem to care. He is blind to his negative behavior. He just keeps spiraling downward when it comes to women.

It makes me so mad. How can he be so stupid and weak. To give up on a girl he said he wanted to marry? So that he can find another girl to abuse instead? Because he does not want to grow as a person. He just wants to fall back into his old habits.

His father and mother are divorced and his father has children with 5 different women. His father is also known to be abusive. There is small doubt in my mind that he will end up taking the same path in his future. I am not saying I have the right to change anybody and I know you can’t change someone unless they want to change. but a doubt any other girl would be willing to put as much effort in as I did for the sake of our future. I doubt the next girl will do this. She will either a) leave him as soon as she sees how badly he treats her if she has the self esteem and intelligence OR b) she will stay, letting him control her mind into thinking she is doing something wrong (like how I did). But I doubt she will gain the ability to call him out for his abuse unless she is smart enough to OR if she TRULY loves him. Maybe I am just ranting. His father still can’t find ONE woman to have a child with, why did I think he could? I am not trying to bash his family, but it is true. It is the same behavior patterns.

I know I probably sound stupid saying this. Why did you want to be with him if he was abusive? Why are you mad he broke up with you if he was abusive? I don’t know… because I thought we were going to get married? I kNEW/KNOW the chances of us getting married were so slim but we both agreed. I would go to a college nearby so that we can get through those years and marry after. It seemed simple enough, we both made our decision, and I loved him. So. Yeah.