Menu

Busy Single Who Wants to Be Ok with Being an Aging Single Gal

HomeForumsRelationshipsBusy Single Who Wants to Be Ok with Being an Aging Single Gal

New Reply
  • This topic has 12 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by memm.
Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #44347
    babylaughter
    Participant

    I’m 30 tomorrow officially. I have become almost antisocial over the course of the last few months. My best friends are all busy with their kids and husbands. I have few single close friends. I like doing my hobbies alone more than I want to make new friends. I have not dated in almost a year. I have not had sex in at least a year. What have I become? Why don’t I want to go out any more? I do miss having close friends to be with but do not feel like investing time into going out to find new friends or drive so far away to see my very busy friends… I’d rather stay home and read a book, play piano, do yoga or cook. If I still had my own place, I would invite people over to cook for them… I guess I don’t feel motivated to make new friends but my old ones are busy and far away. I want to accept that I am 30 and single. Most of the time I am too busy to socialize, but on the very few nights that I am not, I question how accepting of this I am. Anyone else feel this way?

    #44350
    memm
    Participant

    I really envy your position, I’m 25 soon and never been in a relationship or had sex and that’s all I can think about at the moment. Before now it didn’t really bother me at all, and now I’m suddenly doing a lot of things to try and get out of this rut.

    I get the feeling that you’re more or less okay with your current situation and I think that is all that matters, if you’re happy then there’s no rush, when you feel like going out and dating again all your current hobbies and work will help you. It’s perfectly alright to not need a massive social life if you don’t feel like it but if you think you might start wanting that again in the future then maybe start slowly moving in that direction by going out every now and then just to get things rolling. I can tell you from what I’m going through now that this is what I should have been doing instead of waiting until I became desperate. Just do whatever you can now no matter how small so that you don’t feel like you have to rush things later.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by memm.
    #44357
    babylaughter
    Participant

    Thanks! You’re right! Why make myself miserable by wanting what I don’t have when I feel content with life as it is? So what if I am getting older? Why let society attribute so much value to youth? Life can be enjoyed young or old, single or not.

    It must be frustrating to be in your shoes: hormonal in the 20s and not have sexual activity. However, be careful what you wish for. Relationships are complicated and sex is overrated: a moment of orgasm and then it’s over. That moment can ruin your whole life if you get involved with the wrong person, get an STD or pregnant. There’s simplicity in the single life: one person to please only. Exercise and socialization help with balancing stimulation. You can also try traveling. I find that stimulating.

    #44361
    Barbara
    Participant

    Oh my goodness babylaughter !!

    You are 30, you are not ”ageing” at all – you are soooo young. When I saw the title, I expected to see the age 50 or 60 , which in my eyes is also still young .

    Oh, you have so much life ahead, I am 36 and I am too getting a bit scared about doing things I would like to do, but you have so much time to do and experience life and all the great things in it, so stop thinking of time as much.

    Your friends are doing their thing, but that does not mean all is rosy in their garden either ! We all have our own problems, and just because we are sold the idea of what we ”should have” does not mean it is a law. It is seen as the ideal, and you start to feel as if you should be going at their pace. Stop ! You are doing the things that you enjoy – and you know our own mind. If you like you could join some societies / groups that are also into those things – for example, meditation groups, cookery classes, or group fitness – what ever you like, and you could meet new friends when you feel ready. It sounds like you are satisfied in yourself, but like me, you are comparing yourself to others – which i was once told is the ”quickest path to misery ”

    I have come to the conclusion that there is no ”right” way to do things – only your own path.

    I sometimes get side lined by my married friends too – they don’t invite me to kids parties / couples dinners, / coffee with any kids etc, because they think i would be bored or miffed – which is not true ! I just got a txt message from my friend tonight saying ”im having a get together tomorrow, a kids tea party, but if it is too much like work, its ok no pressure ” ( i teach infants, and I love my job ) I felt like saying : ”I love my job, and just because my journey has not been the same of yours, and I have not had kids yet, does not mean I dont want to be part of your life., or be around kids !! ” But I sent a friendly message back, because its not worth it. To me that is their issue – they dont seem to get that not everybody does the same thing at the same time, and I am thinking if it comes up in conversation, I might address it at some point. I would like kids but I haven’t been in a position to do so. Maybe I will be one day, but maybe I won’t – and I’m making sure I’m happy inside no matter what, as I want to feel happy in myself.

    I meditate, and am self aware enough to realise that I am not here solely to marry and procreate, as much as I would like that to be part of my plan. Sometimes we have to let go and let it be. We are here to be happy, to love others, to be fulfilled, and to connect with others in our own way in our own time.

    All will be well for you, and please be good to yourself, and continue to do the things that you love! As we say in Ireland – you are only a ”spring chicken” !!

    Barbs xx.

    #44364
    babylaughter
    Participant

    Thanks Barbs! I guess I get impatient sometimes! Need to meditate more! Lol! I do love my life and need reminders not to compare it with that of others. You’re right. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

    #44382
    Lindsay
    Participant

    Babylaughter, I am in the same position as you! I’m 32 and totally fine with being single right now and don’t have any ambition to date right now. I have dated plenty over the years and had some serious relationships. But right now, I just prefer to read, cook, and go hiking with my dogs. I think what I’m struggling with is whether I’m okay with this long term. We don’t know what our future holds for us. I might meet someone great that is a good fit with me. Or, I might not. And I’d like to get to a place where I’m okay if I never meet someone that I want to marry. If I never meet that person, am I okay with that? Not entirely, but I think it’s partially (mostly?) societal pressure or the fear that something is “wrong” with me if I don’t want or strive for what everyone else does. Logically, I know that is silly but denying that worry doesn’t make it disappear either.

    And I think I go through phases — sometimes I like dating and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I have lots of friends and sometimes I’m totally flying solo. Right now, I’m definitely in a solo phase. But maybe 6 months or a year from now that will change. I’m also just trying to live in a way that I am content with. If I stop being content with my life, I’ll make some big changes.

    I don’t have any answers for you. Just letting you know that you’re not the only one. 🙂

    #44383
    babylaughter
    Participant

    I love hiking! Just think! If we had a husband and kids, there’d be a lot less hiking going on! Thanks for your input, Lindsay! 🙂
    Life is unpredictable! 🙂 Only time will tell what else the future will bring aside from hiking! 😉

    #44385
    Blumi
    Participant

    When I was a little girl, I would never have imagined myself to still be single at 29. Today, I am 29 and still single, yet I look back to the accomplishments I’ve made throughout my twenties and I can honestly say that I’m extremely proud of myself. The hard work I’ve devoted to bettering myself in my twenties got me to where I am today–doctorate degree, a high profile job, and financial security. Most of my friends are still single (I live in San Francisco) so perhaps this hasn’t really hit home as much since in this area people tend me marry much later in life. 30 is still young, and you have the rest of your life to fall in love and you still have a good 15 years get knocked up and start a family. 🙂

    I’ll share a story with you. I remember when I was 22 starting out at my first job after college. I met a friend named Brooke, she was 33 at that time. Brooke had been seriously dating a guy for about 4 years at this point and was hoping he would pop the question any day. One night, while a group of us girls were out, we ran into Brooke’s boyfriend with another girl! Brooke was devastated and she had really thought that her life was over at this point. This was a guy she dated for 4 years, she even helped support him while he was finishing up law school. Her world had fallen apart and I was there to witness it all. Fast forward 7 years, Brooke just got married in 2012 and also welcomed her first healthy baby boy the same year, at the young age of 40. My point in sharing this story is that sometimes things seem really hopeless and you start thinking that perhaps falling in love or having a family will never happen for you.. But it’s important to always have faith and believe that things will always work out. Look back at your life, has there really been a time when things really didn’t work out? I would anticipate that the answer to that question is no since you’re still alive and healthy to this day.

    Enjoy your 30’s! Everyone I’ve asked have always told me that that’s the best decade of their life. <3

    #44448
    Sanjeev Adhikari
    Participant

    It’s not necessary to have kids, but if you like kids, you can adopt and raise them… Ask yourself what you value the most in your life? If you’re getting and receiving love from yourself and your near and dear ones that’s all it matters… and enjoy doing things that you love.

    #44490
    Rashmi
    Participant

    LOL I’ve been single for close to a year now, and my closest friends are either married, getting married or in relationships. I’m 25 and people around make me feel like I’m already an old maid. But I dont let it get to me. I always think I love my life exactly the way it is. I wouldnt change anything about it. Even if I have to stay single or decide to remain single, I will make it a good life. Its all in the way you look at it 🙂

    #44773
    Aurora
    Participant

    Hello! I agree with a lot of the other comments. I’m 34. I recently moved to a small town, where I’m having to relearn some of my old, solo hobbies. And I find that I’m really enjoying it! I know at some point it’s going to change, and I may find that I’m bored. And then, I’ll put in more effort to have friends over or make plans.
    So I say enjoy the time connecting with yourself, especially if you’re busy the other nights. When you’re ready to start being more social or dating, you’ll make it happen. And maybe you can take a class, or join a sports team or something where you find other single folks.

    #44785
    babylaughter
    Participant

    I actually think I have some kind of addiction to taking classes. I can’t juggle work and school but I make myself do it any way even though I have more than enough of an education. The result is no time or money for a social life and a ton of stress and student loans unpaid. I was married from 2003 to 2007, which means I have been divorced for 6 years now. In that six years, I only dated one guy that I even considered having a serious relationship with and that only lasted for maybe 6 months, if that. However, I want to finish what I started, so I am going to finish the two school programs I am in now. The only other thing besides the two things I’m studying now I still want to study is photography, but I’d rather study that on my own rather than enter another formal program because I have enough stress trying to fit everything I am on my budget and into my schedule. That’s why I’m probably still single. I have no desire to fit more into my schedule and relationships are quite time-consuming. If I truly wanted most of my stress to end, I would drop out of both school programs and concentrate on work and home life. I could use my spare time and money for people such as socializing, but I haven’t done that, so maybe I just don’t want a relationship bad enough. Relationships and dating are more of a some day, maybe. I need to finish what I’ve started first before commencing new endeavors.

    #44810
    memm
    Participant

    Which, as everyone seems to confirm, is totally fine! Your own development is more important, just make sure not to burn out doing all that work. =]

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.