Home→Forums→Tough Times→can someone define love and show how to love myself and others
- This topic has 121 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by
Rahel.
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July 26, 2014 at 9:07 am #61809
RahelParticipantThank to both of u…..
All the above said statements about me ..that u have observed about me are true, i accept it. being a counsellor and SW..i did trace my problems up to an extent..also tried to find solutions..the way i counsel others why cant i apply on my end thats my worry… yes i dont have patience ..need to build..i always become emotional and show outbursts..if i am sound mind and conscious..i can surely overcome atleast some of the above said problems
Matt, soory dont get angry but can u please can u explain point6 & 7
July 26, 2014 at 9:09 am #61810RahelParticipantwheni started doing the meditation,, when i breathe out my temples above the eye brow start paining.. i am bit worried if there are no changes even after trying this
July 26, 2014 at 9:37 am #61812RahelParticipanti did try the meditation .. breathing in and out with counts… true to admit that in between thoughts came in, fall asleep..but i kept on trying…i made it..its not so hard..just need a silent venue…
after trying this one..my side nerves of forehead are still tight..but this meditation made me fall asleepJuly 26, 2014 at 9:42 am #61813
The RuminantParticipantRahel,
It’s OK. Also, I also do feel pressure in my head when I try really hard to do something I haven’t done before, or think about something that feels too difficult.
We have all been impatient as children, unable to wait for a moment before we could do something or when we got angry or frustrated, it all came out without any holding back. Then with time, we learn that it’s OK to wait and when we get angry or annoyed about something someone does, we can let it not bother us and we forget the feeling as fast as it came. But then, and especially with some traumatic experience, this growth can be delayed. We don’t know how to handle emotions. Rahel, it’s not an issue of you being a certain way. It’s just that things have happened along the way that have made it more difficult to grow with certain skills. But it’s not a permanent state. You are only 29, you are still growing, still learning. I was 36 when I finally started to get better control over my own impatience and anger.
Also, you say that you can’t understand fast, but you don’t need to understand fast. You can read all of this as slowly as you need and always come back later and try to comprehend it again. It is only your own impatience playing tricks with you again, but you can learn how to be more patient. It takes time, but it’s possible.
As for compassion, it is hard to explain with words, but don’t worry about that for now. Take one step at a time. Try the meditation for a while. Try to not speak badly of yourself. Even try putting a piece of candy on your table and decide not to eat it for half an hour. Just look at it, but don’t eat it. Then if frustration begins to come, let it. When the frustration starts to pass, let it. The more you can use your brain in a certain way, the better it becomes at that thing. Patience can be learned just like everything else.
July 26, 2014 at 10:27 am #61817RahelParticipantO jesus..thanks a lot for taking the patience to answer even the most silliest of my questions…
I need to learn lot of things and unlearn many old habits..does compassion mean that when ever i get dull from inside, i need to say positive words or strokes to myself?
i know that its always advised to meditate or exercise in the early morning..but will it be equally effective if i do at night…i am asking of my home environment and lack of privacy…is there anything wrong if i feel sleepy while doing this meditation..i tried today i felt sleepy
July 26, 2014 at 10:42 am #61818The RuminantParticipantYou don’t have to worry about whether to do meditation in the morning or evening. The most important thing is that you do it. It’s like exercise for your brain, your mind and your soul 🙂 Nothing wrong with feeling sleepy either.
I don’t personally see compassion as being positive. More like warmth towards someone who is suffering. Don’t worry about understanding it if it is an unfamiliar feeling to you. Don’t stress yourself about it. You’ll grow and learn at your own pace 🙂
July 26, 2014 at 10:55 am #61819RahelParticipantYes, TR i will certainly do the meditation…
matt did explain me in step wise ..how to do…but i dint understand point 6 & 7..if u or matt can explain…i always want to be clear with everything before reading or going to the next…Please do remember me in ur prayer and i also pray for all those with broken hearts and those who are struggling more than me to find a way out
July 26, 2014 at 11:09 am #61820The RuminantParticipantNumber 6 meant that you need to do the meditation even if you feel like you don’t want to. Number 7 means that come back here after doing the meditation for 7 days and tell us how you are doing.
You are in my prayers 🙂
July 26, 2014 at 12:28 pm #61822
MattParticipantRahel,
Falling asleep is normal, fine, happens in the beginning. Keep going.
TR gave you the gist of 6 and 7. Is the path clearer, now? Try to get to ten three times in a row without sleeping if you can.
And no matter how silly or stupid you think your questions are, they are not, and anger won’t blossom on this side. Your questions are normal, usual, expected. Why would we get mad at a girl looking for peace? There are 3.5 billion, doing just the same. Asking questions, or holding answers. Either way, you’re welcome here, sis. No biggie. If I (or others) don’t answer your question, its perhaps because it wouldn’t make sense yet, wouldn’t be helpful yet. Crawl, then walk, then run, then fly. Natural dharmic process.
Its between you and the cushion, now. Good luck!
With warmth,
MattJuly 27, 2014 at 1:36 am #61851RahelParticipantGood noon…
i always feel that i am poor at communicating to people..because people always find hard to understand what i want to convey and i get emotional why people dont undrstand me..
i tried doing the meditation even today morning..i never felt chatter in mind and brain but several thoughts pass through, it can something related to what i watched in tv, something read in books, something that happened at office or else i create fantasy of what i like. But to my surprise, these thoughts also pass through as well as i am able to count with less mistake..how come
second thing most of the people say, including u guys..that we should act or behave as others want..but today till this moment i spoke to my aunt in nice way…might be i was acting…if i had tobe like i am then i had to show the dullness, but i controlled my feelings.. should i continue like this..?
my mother says that i should engage myself in activities and try to mingle more with people?
third..i cant lift up my mood bcoz when i see my parents face, there are always dulll bcoz of my behaviour and second i am not yet settledwith my marriage till this age..people always ask them about my marriage..when i see their i also become dull and upset. i have said them several time o be happy and pleasant
One more thing…i dont know being a girl whether i should say or not…one of my biggest sadness is that i am just 47kg but have big breast (38)… and they are heavy, i cant sit straight, after sometime my back get tired and my shoulder starts falling..even while meditating.. i cant sit straight for long.. from my school days onwards, people make fun of me bcoz i am small and lean with a good figure, butmy breasts are so big, as if only they are visible, i cant even take part in sport and wear dress of my choice.i have an inferiority complex related to that..my back and shoulder pains
July 27, 2014 at 4:58 am #61856
@Jasmine-3ParticipantThanks everyone
Hi Rahel
You have received excellent advice to date. I would like to offer my perspective in the hope that you will keep going forward with your inward journey.
How do you show love to yourself or others ? By forgiving yourself. You hold a lot of anger towards yourself. No amount of meditation or prayers are going to help you keep moving forward until you forgive yourself for all that has happened in your last 29 years. Forgive every incident and every person who has made your life less than desirable.
Forgive yourself for being so harsh on yourself. Then imagine yourself putting a fire to each of those incidents and all the tears one by one. These incidents are never going to return in your life as you let go of them in the fire. Fire, which has the capacity to burn everything for good. This will help with the process of let go. Once you are able to let go, you will soon learn the meaning of self-acceptance and feel the love that you have been missing out on.
The questions that you have raised in your last post will answer themselves once you forgive yourself and let go. You can let go during meditation or you can just sit down with yourself in a quiet space to let go. Don’t hold anything negative in your heart anymore. Fill it with forgiveness and loads of it.
A beautiful life awaits you.
Sending you heaps of positive energy,
Jasmine
July 27, 2014 at 6:17 am #61864MattParticipantNamaste, Jasmine.
Rahel, so many questions! Rather than “getting easier”, consider “concentration growing”. Keep going! Great work!
July 27, 2014 at 6:36 am #61867RahelParticipantGood eve,
I ll surely try the meditation..even now i did it.i wasa able to complete the cycle…
Jasmine please dont be rude on me..just becoz i am poor in understanding or bcoz i have lots of questions in mind..
might be i am not mentally grown to my age thats y i ask lot of question..i want to clear all those that are entangled in my head… SO PLEASE COOPERATE WITH ME…mingling with others and engaging myself in other activities will it help any portion?
DEAR JASMINE, I KNOW THAT LOVING MYSELF IS THE SOLUTION…..
BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND FORGIVE.? I DONT KNOW HOW DOES IT FEEL OR LOOK LIKE..BCOZ I HAVE NEVER DONE THE SAME TO OTHERS..THATS Y I AM REPEATEDLY ASKING ..I CANT EASILY UNDERSTAND THINGS.
PLEASE EXPLAIN IN THE SIMPLEST WAY…..i want to love myself and others..i want to live a productive life
July 27, 2014 at 6:45 am #61870MattParticipantRahel,
Don’t we all!
Maybe go for a walk in a park? Look around, perhaps do the meditation there.
With warmth,
MattJuly 27, 2014 at 6:51 am #61871RahelParticipantplease understand i live in a village…i can do it in my room… and i did it..i didnt find it difficult as people say… i was able to do ..
but i want to learn how to love myself and how does it feel..might be my feeling or thinking capacity is impaired or else i have neve loved or forgive anyone.. i dont know how to self nurture..any example
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