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can someone define love and show how to love myself and others

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Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 122 total)
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  • August 4, 2014 at 9:17 am #62587
    Rahel
    Participant

    Matt said that i should give authenticity to meditation that i do..thats what mind or me is not sincere to what i do, hence no consistency… He also mentioned that i should give hug to those i love…but i feel embrassed in doing so and more over i have never loved anyone…how will i know whether i love someone

    August 4, 2014 at 2:18 pm #62619
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    Trying to be more humble helps when seeking to understand love.

    August 4, 2014 at 3:57 pm #62620
    Matt
    Participant

    Rahel,

    Its OK to feel like that with your mom, it doesn’t mean you’re bad. It makes sense that you wouldn’t have enough space to feel compassion for your vomiting mom. That’s part of what you’re looking for, right? To feel well enough that you have that space? That’s good enough! Its enough that it bothers you, that you’re reaching for love. So, try to drop the whole “rahel is bad” thought line, it is false. You’re a good person in pain, that’s it. 🙂

    As for your forgetting, yes, yes, that happens. We realize, forget, remember, try again, forget, realize, try again… over and over. It isn’t “launching the first time” that does it, rather, “getting back on the horse”. You forgot, OK. Now you remember. That’s the whole point of pain, to make you alert. Hooray, it worked, now… back to step 1, keep going.

    I’m sorry that you feel embarrassed giving hugs. I used to, too. It gets easier with time. 🙂 Can you do something you’re embarrassed to do? Fake it and you’ll make it, learning along the way! Also, you dont need to worry about the thread length, it’ll be as long as it needs to be. We’re here for you, as best we can! Just honor our attention by doing your best, and that’ll be plenty. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 4, 2014 at 11:32 pm #62652
    Rahel
    Participant

    Hi jas

    See please understand that miracles doesnt happen over night …
    meditation i do .. but i have only my bed room to do that..
    second the thing which u said of writing 50 good things in 7 dyas.. i have written or tried that long before u said to me..

    so show little bit of courtesy like TR and MATT while imparting ur message.. I am also human being who has the seen the worst in her life.. so this kind of questioning and arguement is quite natural for a person on the edge of everythnig..
    I know that ur trying to help but be little humble in ur words lady..

    i have seen ur post and comments which are inspiring ..but please understand

    August 4, 2014 at 11:37 pm #62654
    Rahel
    Participant

    Hi,

    My matt my happiness lies in marriage.. I am depressed have of the time bcoz its not getting fixed.. and so are my parents ..

    I am the sole person responsible for that .. i know..

    When ever we try to contact people for alliance they say they have heard about me before and are not interested in me… beccoz when ever anyone comes to see me i ask help lot of question and they get irritated and drop the propasls.. mine is a small community and most of the people are inter linked so when an alliance come they make a prior check about the girls character and get a bad feedback about me

    yesterday my mother was not well because she heard bad about me.. she told me the reason of her ill health

    August 4, 2014 at 11:39 pm #62655
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    @rahelabraham

    I am not sure what you are talking about being more humble in my words but hey no worries 🙂 I am not sure how much more humble can I be so I will take my leave as I have no desire to add to your woes. Hope Matt and TR can continue to help you.

    Cheers

    Jasmine

    August 5, 2014 at 5:19 am #62668
    Rahel
    Participant

    sorry jas

    U started asking me to be honest..whether i do the meditation or not ..
    I want to change myself but this is what is happening and i did say in the earlier threads regarding the limitation of doing doing meditation…
    I have seen ur replies to other threads, very simple and soft..
    i expect the same affection from u..

    this is what happens when i communicate with someone, they dont understand, get irritated and then leave me hopeless forever..

    anyhow whatever suggestion u have provided with i ll follow and thanks for directing me to BK Shivani, Jas

    August 11, 2014 at 1:19 am #63047
    Rahel
    Participant

    Yesterday we had an engagement ceremony at a resort. My father and his brother were personally invited for the function.
    One of my cousins sister who is a high school teacher, was also invited by the bride’s mother..
    Hence my cousin sister ringed up and asked my mother if she would allow me to the ceremony as she had no acquaintance over there, so she needed my company.

    when my mother informed me about going to the function.. My memories went 18 years back.. this same cousin of mine used to dislike and avoid me stating that i am brownish and not fair like me. I got tensed what if she avoids me or leaves me alone in the ceremony. I became emotional and started crying. my mother got fed up..

    then i thought of giving a try. i got ready dressed up and went for the ceremony.. when i met my cousin i told her that even i dont have much acquaintance over here.. to my surprise she introduced me to all her colleagues.
    I was shocked that after two decades she has changed a lot, her life experience made her to change. Once she was a girl with attitude and headweight.. now she is simple..

    So many misunderstanding have been created in my mind in the passage of time. why i got tensed and scared when thought of going with her.

    August 11, 2014 at 1:37 am #63049
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    See? 🙂 The reality isn’t always nearly as intimidating as it is in our heads. What a great experience and insight to have, and good for you for going despite the initial anxiousness. I’m really happy for your experience 🙂

    August 11, 2014 at 2:05 am #63051
    Rahel
    Participant

    thanks TR

    But i always have a resistance towards everything may be its attending phone call, talking with people, going out even though i love all those.. and atlast i feel emotional, guilty,bad , resistance for not doing the things..

    I always expect people to give their attention to me.. i want them to ask why i am dull or force me to do this or that..

    I read a recent thread of Manoj Thankur.. i felt that his and problems are similar…..

    August 11, 2014 at 2:51 am #63053
    Rahel
    Participant

    why i find things so hard, why i am unable to find myself and love myself…Why my innerself wants to remain in this situation. A situation of hoplessness, helplessness, hurt, gulit, seeking validation etc. but the sub-conscious mind wants to change. but how much strong is my desire to change myself… I know well that its me alone who can change myself and no one else can enter into my mind and do things for me.. except for god…why i seek validation.

    Sorry to Matt and TR that i am unable to do meditation at my home. the environment is so….

    August 11, 2014 at 3:06 am #63055
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    By going to the event despite feeling anxious, you already showed that you indeed have the ability to be in control of yourself, instead of just reacting to everything. Keep at it.

    August 11, 2014 at 3:24 am #63056
    Rahel
    Participant

    Thanks TR…

    why i find things so hard, why i am unable to find myself and love myself…Why my innerself wants to remain in this situation. A situation of hoplessness, helplessness, hurt, gulit, seeking validation etc. but the sub-conscious mind wants to change. but how much strong is my desire to change myself… I know well that its me alone who can change myself and no one else can enter into my mind and do things for me.. except for god…why i seek validation.

    August 11, 2014 at 3:41 am #63058
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    You are reacting to your reaction to your reaction. Instead, you might take a moment to take a deep breath, and push back with determination. Like you did by going to the event. Put aside the reactions and fears for a moment and allow your life to happen. Even if it feels scary. The more you realize that nothing bad is going to happen to you, the less you need to feel anxious and ruminate over it.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by The Ruminant.
    August 11, 2014 at 4:12 am #63062
    Rahel
    Participant

    No dear, not about being scary..

    i dont know how to explain or communicate, this is one other problem i face, poor communication..

    i know the problems underlying within me and also aware that its ME alone can only change it. But why the mind want to remain in that depressed situation.. I dont know whether the mind really wants to get out.. or its just faking me…

    i think that even though 3 decades went off but i still can make it. so that the rest of my life will be productive and can spread happiness to others,,,

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