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Choosing Love

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  • January 19, 2019 at 2:19 am #275543
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Lisa, massive thanks for the response!

    You sound very confident in your response. I am having alternating episodes of super-high confidence, followed by episodes of shyness, insecurity and neediness. I try to train myself to enjoy the present moment, no matter what I am feeling.

    May you find love, as well.

    January 20, 2019 at 3:43 pm #275871
    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita yes, I am going to say affirmations everyday to tell myself that I am not inferior to other women. I mean I have to be honest, that is how I have felt.

    I have to also stop thinking everyone is up on this pedestal because believe it or not that has caused me to say hurtful things to them because I feel people are so much more powerful than I am. I feel as if they can not be bothered by me and what I say is of no consequence to them. I felt as if I have the right to express anger at leisure because of my “doomed” situation.

    I don’t know if that makes any sense but I am moving forward.

    Lisa

    January 20, 2019 at 4:14 pm #275877
    Lisa
    Participant

    Victoria thank you for sharing your experience. Get togethers can be tough. It kinda amplifies all our social insecurities. They can also be a great way to get more comfortable if, in my case, I accept more invitations and seek out people who I have something in common with.

    I agree with you, there is no way around it. We have to love ourselves first. Yes, I think replacing a negative thought with more positive affirmations is the key. Instead of just accepting what we have been telling ourselves it challenges what we believe without questioning that belief.

    It does feel great to let go of some things. I am right now focused on my health where I haven’t been very much at all. I have to start feeling better physically. It will improve my overall mood as well as make me stronger.

    I am sorry you were upset but glad you realized how you felt and that you could change that. I have had a similiar awakening and I am not forgetting it.

    I am sorry to just be getting back to you two days later. Thank you again for sharing your experience.

    Lisa

    January 20, 2019 at 4:22 pm #275879
    Lisa
    Participant

    Mandelbrot, Sure I am happy to share my journey with others.

    I wish for love to come into your life as well.

    I also want to emphasize that this thread is open for anyone at anytime who needs help along the way in this journey. I am very interested in hearing from you and others and make this a helpful, positive thread.

    Thanks!

    Lisa

    January 21, 2019 at 8:04 am #275957
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    Regarding your most recent post, inviting “anyone at anytime who needs help” to post in your thread, I hope you repeat this invitation once in a while so to encourage others to post whenever the thread goes to page 2. Bring it back to page 1 with your generous invitation.

    You wrote to me that you felt “inferior to other women”. I know how that feels, Lisa. I felt it day after day for decades. It is painful and I don’t want to feel this pain again, nor do I want you to feel  it.

    It isn’t true: I am not inferior to other women and neither are you. No  one should be on a pedestal above us, superior, because  no one is.

    You do make a lot of sense, a whole  lot of sense. It is my privilege to read your very sensible posts.

    anita

    January 22, 2019 at 2:18 pm #276283
    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita! I will be posting again shortly.

    February 7, 2019 at 5:36 pm #279259
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    “Developing a healthy relationship with love is my goal this year”- don’t give up, Lisa. If a window closed for you, look for another window, one hidden, one you  didn’t notice before.

    anita

    February 27, 2019 at 12:37 am #281981
    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. Sorry it took so long to reply.

    February 27, 2019 at 6:35 am #281993
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    You are welcome. How are you?

    anita

    February 28, 2019 at 5:10 pm #282295
    Lisa
    Participant

    I am fine. A lot going on since my previous posts. Looking forward to the future.

    March 1, 2019 at 7:38 am #282363
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    Good to read from you, even if it is one line!

    anita

    March 15, 2019 at 7:32 am #284733
    Lisa
    Participant

    Oh dear, I am determined for this to be a positive thread which is why I have not made many posts. Lol.

    I believe in the subject of this thread. I do believe in it.

    Can I please get some advice on a scenario? I will try to summarize.

    I am trying to get back into therapy. Last year I worked hard despite obstacles from a manager to get full time so I could be eligible for health benefits. After help from HR and another co worker I was told that I will keep the extra hours I was working full time and I could sign on for health insurance. So I have now been able to see a primary care doctor, eye doctor etc…I am now trying to see a therapist for help with my interpersonal issues.

    I wasn’t sure about the therapist because I have not had much luck with therapists but I met her and she was very nice. The whole office was nice and it had a comfortable atmosphere. All very important to me. The initial visit cost 3 times more co pay than I thought but I took it in stride and went into my session. I also found out that my next session would be even more because of insurance rates going up then the following sessions would the same as the first. I am a long way from meeting my deductable which is a certain amount of money you have to pay out of pocket before the insurance company will cover certain costs. Part of this is the money taken out of my paycheck every week now. So I get some help but not the maximum they offer until they get a certain amount if money. After that insurances still do not pay for everything.

    Well I of course I am upset over this and spend the half an hour I paid a lot of money for crying over how difficult it is for me to get help. She tried to give me alternatives or maybe seeing her 2 times a month or once a month. A wall goes up when I hit yet another obstacle for me. Because I was late the session was also a half an hour and not 45 minutes.

    Should I call her back and maybe see her 2 times a month? I can critique her as a therapist because I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her. The only thing that bothered me is she let me control the conversation which is not going to get me anywhere because I won’t let go.

    I will only post in this thread when I’m happy or even which is what I am right now. Sometimes I just need a little clarity. I absolutely believe in the subject of this thread.

    Thank you. ?

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.
    March 15, 2019 at 7:40 am #284743
    Lisa
    Participant

    Disregard the question mark at the end. Not supposed to be there.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Lisa.
    March 15, 2019 at 8:09 am #284749
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    The therapy you described is too expensive for you, and that in itself is a stressor for you, paying so much money, money that you work hard and long to earn. I think it is not a good idea, and that better not return to it.

    You suggested that the therapist let you talk and cry and didn’t give you much input (“she let me control the conversations which is not going to get me anywhere”), so why pay- and pay so much- for something you can do by yourself, alone, maybe by resurrecting your old thread and typing and typing away.

    I think you need therapy that will cost you way less, will not be restricted to only 45 minutes per session (if you make it on time), and one where the therapist will participate in, instead of being passive.

    anita

    March 15, 2019 at 10:12 am #284779
    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita, I do have to think about what I can afford but how much has not going to therapy cost me? It might be worth it for me to pay. I definitely do not want to resurrect my old thread. I want to move away from my way of thinking and not entertain it. My way of thinking has created a very lonely life and a very difficult one. I understand what you are getting at by expressing my feelings it might be a help. It might help me at that moment that I do but in the long term it might not. I don’t know.

    I do have my own opinions but sometimes I wonder if they have merit. I often think they do but because they are unpopular I wonder if they do?

    I will get back to you. Work calls.

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