Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→Choosing Love
- This topic has 150 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 5 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
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January 27, 2023 at 8:46 am #414518AnonymousGuest
Dear Lisa:
So good to read back from you! I am fine, thank you, and it’s okay that you didn’t get back to me earlier: whenever you are back is good with me! I hope to read more from you soon, but please try to.. just type away whatever you happen to think and feel at the moment. May this be a safe place for you to do so.
anita
January 31, 2023 at 9:00 am #414792LisaParticipantNothing to report except more of the same. People whose only goals in life are the same as reptiles…crushing the hopes and dreams of people who can see beyond the physical. What is going on in politics today in the U.S. is a metaphor for this. Republicans see what they want to see, believe what they want to believe and don’t care whom it hurts. They make dreamers out to be the villains while they are free to break rules, oppress, ban, and spread lies about others.
January 31, 2023 at 10:15 am #414793AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
There is indeed plenty of self-centeredness and selfishness, and that certainly hurts honest people and honest dreamers, honest dreamers like you!
anita
April 5, 2023 at 2:19 pm #417080LisaParticipantIt doesn’t matter how hard I work. It doesn’t matter how much I care. It doesn’t matter how much time I devote to something. I will never be successful if the people around me do not want to see success.
April 6, 2023 at 5:39 am #417090RobertaParticipantDear Lisa
I am sorry that you had such a bad start to your life. Until we become adults we are at the whims and fancies of the adults who make up our immediate surroundings and this impacts on our adulthood unless we take conscious steps to rectify the mistakes that our carers made (Romanian Orphanage Scandal).As adults we can explore what buddhists call the 8 worldly concerns and their antidotes that help relieve our suffering. As we relieve our suffering using wisdom, compassion & skillful means it naturally expands out into the world in general.
April 6, 2023 at 10:10 am #417098TeeParticipantDear Lisa,
I haven’t been on the forums when you first started writing, but got some understanding of your story by reading anita’s summary earlier on this thread. I am sorry you’ve been through all that trauma and that it is still affecting you, making you live in the survival mode.
I will never be successful if the people around me do not want to see success.
It seems you’re hoping that people would help you, but the kind of people you’re expecting help from aren’t really good and safe people? Perhaps you need to stop hoping to get anything from them, and start believing that you can make it without them? And instead of them, surround yourself with good, supportive people? Which are out there, no doubt about that.
You have been through a lot as a child and experienced more than one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). That’s why you are probably suffering from Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), like many children who have been emotionally abused or neglected (I suffered from it too).
I was thinking if perhaps you would benefit from support programs offered at places such as the CPTSD Foundation (cptsd foundation dot org), where there are programs like Daily recovery support calls, Daily encouraging mails, Healing book club etc – all for survivors of childhood trauma. There is a small fee to pay for those programs, but maybe you can browse through the website, read some articles and see if you want to learn more about C-PTSD and recovery.
Of course, there are numerous other resources on the net about C-PTSD. Let me know if it is something that interests you, and I can give you some more pointers…
April 6, 2023 at 1:22 pm #417104PeterParticipantHi Lisa
Its clear your hurting, please know that you have been heard.
I’d like to comment on your last post
It doesn’t matter how hard I work. It doesn’t matter how much I care. It doesn’t matter how much time I devote to something. I will never be successful if the people around me do not want to see success.
That reads like your measurement of success is being determined by others? Which gives these others allot of power over you, power that is not thier to have or maybe even not want. (If I’m being honest when I give away my power to others it usually in a subconscious attempt to exert power over them, to get them to like and approve of me which is also a power game.) Either way the task would be to take your power back. I know easier said then done. A first step may be to tell us what does success look like to you, what would it feel like. Is their any connection to your vision of success to how you view others viewing you?
Movement creates Life, Stillness creates Love, to be Still, yet still Moving is everything. – Do Hyun Choe
I like that play on words, Still yet still Moving. Life ups and downs surrounded and supported by a calm compassionate Love, a love that includes self love. That is the sound of AUM…
“Aum” is a word that, what can I say, represents to our ears that sound of the energy of the universe, of which all things are manifestations. And “Aum”, it’s a wonderful word, it’s written A-U-M. You start in the back of the mouth, Ah, and then, Ooh, you fill the mouth, and M-m-m, closes it, the mouth. And when you have pronounced this properly, all vowel sounds are in that pronunciation: “Aum”. And consonants are regarded simply as interruptions of “Aum”, and all words are thus fragments of “Aum”, as all images are fragments of the form of forms, of which all things are just reflections. And so “Aum” is a symbol, a symbolic sound, that puts you in touch with that throbbing being that is the universe.
And when you hear some of these Tibetan monks that are over here from the Rgyud Stod monastery outside of Lhasa, when they sing the “Aum,” you know what it means, all right That’s the zoom of being in the world. And to be in touch with that and to get the sense of that, that is the peak experience of all. “Ah-ooh-mm.” The birth, the coming into being, and the solution to the cycle of that. And it’s just called the four-element syllable. What is the fourth element? “Ah-ooh-mm,” and the silence (stillness) out of which it comes, back into which it goes, and which underlies it.
Now, my life is the “Ah-ooh-mm,” but there is a silence (stillness) that underlies it, and that is what we would call the immortal. This is the mortal, and that’s the immortal, and there wouldn’t be this if there weren’t that. — Joseph Campbell
If you want to hear AUM, just cover your ears and you’ll hear it. Of course, what you are hearing is the blood in the capillaries, but it’s AUM: Ah – waking consciousness; ou – dream consciousness; and then, mmm – the realm of deep, dreamless sleep.
AUM is the sound of the radiance of G_d (transcendence).
The point is that this AUM heard in silence informs all things. All things are manifestations of it. Now you are inward turned.The secret to having a spiritual life as you move in the world is to hear the AUM in all things all the time. If you do, everything is transformed. You no longer have to go anywhere to find your fulfillment and achievement and the treasure you seek. It is here. It is everywhere. (You are It, as am I) — Joseph Campbell
Movement is Time creating Life – AUM – immerging from and returning to Stillness which is eternity creating Love, supporting Life – AUM
April 7, 2023 at 4:58 am #417114TeeParticipantDear Lisa,
there is another great and completely free resource on CPTSD, which I forgot to mention yesterday, and it is the Crappy Childhood Fairy youtube channel. If you are interested, you can start with this video: Complex CPTSD explained. She explains why we get CPTSD, what are the typical symptoms, and she has plenty of advice on her channel about what to do to help ourselves.
You mentioned a while ago that you suffer from hormonal problems. I don’t know if you’ve received treatment for it, but even that can be a symptom of CPTSD.
Anyway, I hope this information is helpful to you and can give you some relief, and perhaps some hope as to how to proceed.
April 7, 2023 at 5:00 am #417115TeeParticipant* sorry, the title of the video is: Complex PTSD explained.
April 9, 2023 at 5:40 pm #417134LisaParticipant[quote quote=417090]Dear Lisa I am sorry that you had such a bad start to your life. Until we become adults we are at the whims and fancies of the adults who make up our immediate surroundings and this impacts on our adulthood unless we take conscious steps to rectify the mistakes that our carers made (Romanian Orphanage Scandal).As adults we can explore what buddhists call the 8 worldly concerns and their antidotes that help relieve our suffering. As we relieve our suffering using wisdom, compassion & skillful means it naturally expands out into the world in general.[/quote]
Roberta,
Thank you for responding to my post. I looked up an article on the 8 worldly concerns and need to read a bit more. Thank you for bringing it to my attention because I do not remember hearing about the 8 worldly concerns in Buddhism. It sounds like something I would really like to explore.
Thank you again,
Lisa
April 9, 2023 at 5:46 pm #417135LisaParticipant[quote quote=417098]Dear Lisa, I haven’t been on the forums when you first started writing, but got some understanding of your story by reading anita’s summary earlier on this thread. I am sorry you’ve been through all that trauma and that it is still affecting you, making you live in the survival mode.
I will never be successful if the people around me do not want to see success.
It seems you’re hoping that people would help you, but the kind of people you’re expecting help from aren’t really good and safe people? Perhaps you need to stop hoping to get anything from them, and start believing that you can make it without them? And instead of them, surround yourself with good, supportive people? Which are out there, no doubt about that. You have been through a lot as a child and experienced more than one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). That’s why you are probably suffering from Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), like many children who have been emotionally abused or neglected (I suffered from it too). I was thinking if perhaps you would benefit from support programs offered at places such as the CPTSD Foundation (cptsd foundation dot org), where there are programs like Daily recovery support calls, Daily encouraging mails, Healing book club etc – all for survivors of childhood trauma. There is a small fee to pay for those programs, but maybe you can browse through the website, read some articles and see if you want to learn more about C-PTSD and recovery. Of course, there are numerous other resources on the net about C-PTSD. Let me know if it is something that interests you, and I can give you some more pointers…[/quote]
Tee,
Thank you for your response and for taking the time to look back into my thread for Anita’s summary. Thank you for your insight and for suggesting the CPTSD website. I will definitely look into it.
Thank you,
Lisa
April 9, 2023 at 5:59 pm #417136LisaParticipantPeter,
Thank you for responding. Success for me now would simply consist of peace. I have lived my life as a server and observer, not thinking I am here to live. I came to that conclusion from repeated experiences.
It’s interesting what you said about a power game with me kinda using getting people to like me as me exerting power.
I believe I have practiced AUM in yoga class. I do not tune into it on a regular basis but find it interesting.
Thank you,
Lisa
April 9, 2023 at 6:01 pm #417137LisaParticipantTee,
I will check out the YouTube channel you mentioned. Thank you so much!
Lisa
April 9, 2023 at 6:07 pm #417138LisaParticipantI understand that Anita is no longer in the forum. I am quite sad to hear this but wish her well and if she can read this, I would like to thank her for the years of support she has given me through some very tough moments. I am in awe of someone who can give that much and hope to someday be strong enough to do so for others.
Thank you,
Lisa
April 10, 2023 at 12:17 am #417139TeeParticipantDear Lisa,
you’re very welcome. I hope the resources on CPTSD will be of help to you. I also hope you can claim your space under the sun, rather than “live my life as a server and observer, not thinking I am here to live”. Because you totally deserve to live your life and thrive, even if the people around you and the circumstances you were born into tell you differently!
Wishing you all the best, and post if you have any questions regarding CPTSD or anything at all.
P.S. True, anita is no longer on the forums, which is very unfortunate. I hope she will return some day, soon enough.
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