Home→Forums→Relationships→Coming to a crossroad how do I make the best decision?
- This topic has 8 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
June 27, 2013 at 7:23 am #37504
I have recently moved into an apartment with my boyfriend. We have been arguing and there is lack of romance. I find that I have been stuck in a routine of self disappointment. So I have two choices. I could stay with my boyfriend for a year and hope that things get better. Also, try to make the best of living where I am. OR My mom offered me to come back home (I’m 21 btw) and save my money to move to Florida in 3 months. I really don’t want to break up with my boyfriend. But I really want to start traveling and seeing where I want to be in life. Any advice?June 27, 2013 at 7:55 am #37507JadeParticipant
My first question would be: have you talked to your boyfriend that you’re feeling a lack of romance? If he agrees and wants to figure out ways to make things happier between the two of you, I’d stick it out. But if he isn’t willing to hear you out and doesn’t seem to care that you are unhappy, consider taking some time apart. I couldn’t be with someone who had no empathy for my feelings.June 27, 2013 at 8:04 am #37508
I have talked to him plenty of times and told him about spending more time with me. Sometimes he rolls his eyes and sometimes he acts like he cares. But it always seems like we just go back to the same old routine after one night of kind of talking. He always spends time with his friends which leaves me feeling left behind. We always talk about how we don’t want to settle down yet too. So that also leaves me feeling like he is focused on himself. Would it be selfish of me to go work on my self?June 27, 2013 at 9:55 am #37512lisaParticipant
Its selfish if you DONT work on yourself. Your boyfriend is not respecting you as a person. If he agrees to start to change and you see this change, then you have to decide.
sometime being away for awhile, he might realize that he misses you.June 27, 2013 at 1:13 pm #37519LalehParticipant
People don’t change unless they want to. You can not make a guy to do something, he might do it temporarily but in the long run he would be the same person if he doesn’t feel it himself.
I do believe in your heart you know what you want to do, and your ego is guilting you into doing it. DO what your heart is telling you to do, and not other people. If you are asking others and not stopping it means you are not satisfied with the answers. What is the answer you are hoping to hear? That’s the one.
Trust yourself. If you feel something is wrong, it probably is. I know the feeling of not being a priority in mans life, remember if you are his priority he will come after you later. I can’t tell you what to do, even though it might be obvious to me and I might have an opinion, but you have to decided that yourself, I can tell you the best way to know what your heart wants, is that you will feel the PEACE in your heart when you make that decision.. SHOULD is a crappy word that ego likes. You have to be selfish to be able to be selfless later remember that. I just wrote about making decisions today it’s funny.
One quick way to know your heart; Flip a coin, and see how you feel about it 🙂
http://www.danubelle.comJuly 2, 2013 at 1:44 am #37745rituParticipant
I feel the heart has all the answers…..always and everytime. Its the inertia which prevents us from something clearly written all over. I would suggest :
1. you speak one last time with your boyfriend about all your concerns. It should be you speaking out honestly what you feel and what you want.
2. give him some time to think about what you have said and if he thinks and if he is ready to change….may be a month is suitable time.
3. move to your mom’s place for a month or so. and tell the guy…if he sees any substance in whatever you spoke and he is ready to work towards aking it a meaningful relationship….you both can go to a counsellor after one month and start afresh. But for one month just put the relationship in sleeping mode and pamper yourself. Don’t discuss much about your relationship with anyone.
Just Eat and pray for one month…..se if you and more importantly he is ready for LOVE……again:)
Cheers!!July 2, 2013 at 8:55 am #37776Matt TurnerParticipant
I think Danubelle offers up some wise words on your situation. I would like to give you the gift of another angle. You state you only have two choices; take a look at that again. As life moves forward and situations organically change, choices constantly shift and change, offering up new choices and different perspectives. Perhaps being present each day to what choices are changing for you could be a useful exercise.
Once we make a choice, there are always other follow-up choices to make as a consequence. This never ends and is part of life’s journey. What makes our choices viable? Well, confidence in ourselves can help. Also the understanding that no choice is permanent and can be changed, modified and adapted. Choices are never right or wrong, they are simply choices (thinking this way detaches blame and shame from our choices). And remember, not making a choice is a still a choice! By not making a choice you would be simply choosing not to choose.
Like Danubelle says, follow your heart. What is it telling you? If you take some time to sit peacefully each day and just listen to what your heart is saying, this may help. Your heart is your compass and your mind the pilot. Unfortunately, our mind can be like the Captain and First Officer arguing in the cockpit! This makes decision making confusing.
You are your own Captain. You fly your own plane. The First Officer is your inner critic warning you of the fear associated with your choices. Imagining turning off your First Officer’s microphone. This will give you the space, peace, and clarity to make a decision you can be more confident in.
At the end of the day, nobody can tell you what to do, because they are not you. You know your own mind and life best. Trust yourself because you are wonderful, talented and have more than enough to move forward.
Best of luck!
July 5, 2013 at 6:08 pm #38038
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Matt Turner.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by tinybuddha.
Thank you for all the advice! I really appreciate it! I have to decided to just take baby steps for now and meditate daily. Also, pray and eat! I’ve realized too that I’m am afraid of the future so I have tried to detach from worrying about the worst. Worrying has only taken me away from the present moment. We have spoken about everything to each other I was fully honest. He was honestly really happy for me when he heard that I wanted to start working on my life. He said he just wants to see me happy with whatever happens. So I am happy he is excited for me and he also is trying to stay calm when I do get upset.
Once again I really appreciate the advice it really helped me think straight!!
I am sure things will work out how they need to be :]July 19, 2013 at 9:51 am #38903AnonymousInactive
Bravo, Matt. I’ve been on this planet much longer than Megan and I wish I could have realized the importance of following my heart..Only recently discovered. I did the “right” things in order to have a life and lifestyle I thought would be best for me and after 20+ years of marriage I want to walk away. Choices are never right or wrong as you stated, but again, I did feel blame and shame instead of just looking at each choice as simply that. My heart had been given to another years before I met my husband. It’s still there. I have only now acknowledged it. I am happy and well adjusted for the most part. I feel I am about to move to a new phase of my life and will make the best decision with my heart. I know it is not being tended to and even though an outsider would look at my life and think I have everything, without a love that is soulful, I cannot be 100% happy. Just accepting that part of myself now. I love myself, but I need to be able to express that to another and have it reciprocated. It’s a component I will not compromise. Yes, I could live alone in a cardboard box happier than I’m living now. Hard truth. Love is everything and more.