Dear silvery blue,
I am not sure you are talking to me directly or generally…. yes, if you judge that I am willing to listen, it’s a good idea to discuss your qyestions wuth someone more valuable via email 😘
I would be interested though what people think about the questions you have raised. I find them very interesting, indeed and will think about it. It’s a pity you don’t wish to discuss it maybe in a separate thread. Take care 💗

Hi Silvery Blue
I have just started to listen to Thich Nat Han audiobook How to Fight on You tube along with a shorter video one How to heal the child in You wisdom for parents by him.
I do resonate with you – my ex boyfriend’s sister is bipolar & alcoholic with now 2 grown children who bore the brunt of her illnesses.
Family & friends are exhausted from the antics & the professionals have also tried. We can do our best for the bystanders who are effected by giving them access to a safe & loving environment to retreat to in times of both calm & stormy weather.
It is hard to separate the person from the illness sometimes you have to put some distance by not chasing after them. Last month she contacted me & I spent 2+hours with her at my meditation centre, listening with an open hart, & showing her some techniques to help get her started. I have not seen or heard from her since. All I can do is pray that the seeds that we planted together that afternoon will bear fruit.

Here are more perplexed face emojis: 😟 🤔 🫤 😬 🥴

Hi Silvery Blue

Im sorry to hear about the situation in your family and how you are finding it hard to communicate with them because of their issues. I don’t have family members with those specific issues but I do have problems with my sister and dad with whom I feel the gap between us is too large to traverse because there has been so much pain and where I feel that I am alone in trying to broach the gap in a constructive way. It is painful to leave them behind but this is what I have chosen to do because it was affecting me, and so affecting my own family thro me, because I was unable to contain the negative influence my dad and sister had upon me. When I feel stronger I may revisit the situation because I do not want to abandon them but I chose to preserve my own sanity for my own sake and the sake of my family. I feel it was the right decision for me at this point in time. A choice had to be made to help someone since helping someone was what I wanted to do. In the end after years of arguments and disasters, I have chosen to help myself and my family. Helping my dad and sister led to further pain for all parties. Perhaps my dad and sister did not see it as pain but they couldnt stop themselves from responding to me in an emotionally immature way which is a difficult dynamic to withstand when it goes on and on and on. Breaking out of a trauma bond is a very hard and non intuitive thing to do. That may not be what you have at play. I am just relating to you the factors that were at play for me. Put in simply terms, I can only help others after I have helped myself to be a more sane person. Perhaps they may see this change in how I am with them and reflect on it to turn things around. They have always had that opportunity. Its not that I wont help those who will not help themselves, but it seems that I cant because, when I try, I hurt myself and still end up helping no one.

Your questions are very precise:
– how tactfully articulate our needs and boundaries without feeling like we are hurting others or ourselves
– how to learn how to remain compassionate and considerate when we feel hurt
– when we feel hurt, ignored, how properly work with these feelings (maybe tips, sources, …?)
– healthy boundaries which don’t isolate us from others (maybe try to formulate some of them?)
– any specific examples from your real lives, if you are willing to share them and want to discuss them and find some support

I have been thinking along these lines myself over the past few weeks. I will ponder on them and get back to you ❤️

Hi Lucidity 🙂

I used the same emoji you used in the opening above, so to signal reciprocated friendliness, but that emoji looks upbeat and awake and that’s not how I feel this morning and recently. I feel more like 😪, 😪 and 😪- mentally tired, emotionally exhausted, sleepy, and mentally foggy.

Also, like I shared before, I’ve been using Copilot in my responses to members (not in all) since the end of last year, including during the conflict. I no longer do, so my posts are different than before, more authentic, less upbeat (when I am not upbeat, like this morning).

And now, to the content of your most recent two posts in regard to the conflict: I am glad that you learned a lot from the insights Tee and I shared in this thread, and I hope that it does help you in your continued healing journey, and hopefully, in your attempts at reconciliation with others in your life.

To read, “Thanks for allowing this all to be public so that I could learn from it too, both of you”- is nice to read. It makes me feel that maybe some good can come out of this for you, maybe for others. For me, I need a month or two- so I feel- a month or 2 of no conflict here, in the forums- so to reflect on what happened here, get more and more clarity and make it possible for what I learned- and will learn (as a result of reflecting and journaling privately)- to sink in deeply, so to make a real change in how I think, feel and act where change needs to be made, in real life and here, in the forums.

“Thank you for sharing how you came to think compassionately about the different members on this forum and that, despite feeling betrayed by me, you roused within yourself a fondness for me. Sharing so openly like that is a privilege to read, thank you ❤️”-

This is so gracious of you, Lucidity, thank you ❤️

“You are right in that by me not addressing you with my concerns directly, it would have seemed underhand to you. I can see that and I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. I was hesitant to address you because I saw that you were not taking on board what others were saying – those who were directly involved with the misunderstanding… Facing heat like that publicly can feel lonely and frustrating… When it happened to me growing up, it felt devastating, like I was invisible and did not matter, that I was alone in my pain because others did not have the courage to offer support or even acknowledge my pain. I would not want anyone to feel like that and so that is where I was coming from.”-

I understand where you were coming from. You were not in the wrong. Looking back, I positively appreciate you standing up for Tee and Alessa.

Throughout much of the conflict, I didn’t see Tee’s or Alessa’s pain. I only saw mine. I felt attacked, persecuted.. and didn’t know it was me who has been doing the attacking. This here, what I just wrote- I need to reflect on privately for some time It wouldn’t be good for my healing process- at this point- to discuss it further here. I need to rest and reflect on my own first.

“I like you too 🙂 You have helped me in such a massive way. I have re-read one of your messages to me many times because it gave me so much clarity. It was the first time someone had so comprehensively given me a complete and rational reflection of what was going on piece-meal in my mind… Thank you for helping me to process it in the way that you did ❤️ You have helped so many people on these forums. You have a gift.”-

I like you too, Lucidity and thank you so much for writing the above. It’s amazing how during conflict, people- in general- tend to forget the good in others and focus on the bad, having a limited, negative and distorted view of the other person. Do you agree with this, Lucidity?

And regarding having a gift: well, since the end of last year, and maybe in that very message you referred to in the quote above, much of the gift was delivered by Copilot. So.. I am not taking all of the credit.

(… Let’s see (looking at the record): your first post on tiny buddha was on March 31, 2025. My first reply was on the same day, and I can easily detect Copilot in the content of the message. My second reply was just me as far as content goes. I involved Copilot just for the final grammatical/ spelling polishing of that message.)

“I hope its ok that I speak about something you addressed to Tee?… My intention was rarely to hurt others but, rather, to protect myself. On the other hand, my mums intentions were to inflict pain and suffering so, ultimately, that was the crucial difference between her and I and that is what bought me solace and allowed me to forgive myself… Sharing this so that you may take some hope from it.”- Thank you, Tee. Your input here will be part of my reflections in the next month or two and I will probably post about it when I am ready.

Thank you very much, Lucidity, for caring for me and for others, and for helping me enter the process of holding myself accountable and in so doing, furthering my own healing journey.

🙏 ❤️ Anita