Maybe I can start…?

I’m not in the easiest situation. We have a functioning alcoholic and a schizophrenic in our family. They are an on and off couple. They have two boys. I am their aunt.

You can probably imagine that these people aren’t always the easiest to get along with. Too much damage took place. Physical and emotional. I understand. I really do have a lot compassion for both of them even though sometimes the pain is no longer bearable for me…

On the one hand, I don’t want to isolate myself from them. They are my family, but on the other hand, the depth of the problems is so great that sometimes I don’t have much strength left… and I just cry.

It’s like watching a tragedy and not being able to do anything.

I feel guilty for being happy and they are not.

The truth is, in a situation like that, you can’t be heard… because they don’t have the capacity to do so. They’re sick. I have to give up a lot and it just hurts… it is very hard for me to find some stability, solidity in me to cope with this. Let alone when the situation gets heated and I am in a conflict with the first one, the alcoholic… who used to be agressive and would lash out at me when I begged him to tell me what is happening and how I could help.

If something happens, something bad, I will never forgive myself.

Well, so this is, for example, my story from my real life. A conflict… a looong inner conflict… in which it’s hard to find compassion, respect, stability… because it’s so dark…