We can reassure ourselves that perhaps in the future when all of this passes. Things might change for the better. And be thankful for the good things that conflict has brought. It has been nice getting to know Peter, Lucidity and Tee more. It is nice to see you here again Yana. ❤️

I don’t believe that true compassion can be attained if it does not include self-compassion. Giving compassion to others at the expense of ourselves, regardless of the reason that happens to justify it in our mind, is compassion like to the other whilst being an over or under extension into ourselves. Compassion is the balance bwtween what we give outwards and what we have inwards. Anything else is off balance and sets of a reactionary chain of events that hurts whoever it was that performed the act.

This is captured in Attachment Theory where the bonds we form with others in social interaction mean that life is filtered in a certain thro our eyes as conforming our beliefs about ourselves. Theres secure attachment which is supposed to be ideal and outside of that there is anxious, avoidant and disorganised. A secure person would consider what the cost is to themselves and take that into account in their decision os whether they want to do something that looks compassionate and kind. If they didnt take that into consideration initially, then experiencing the outcome of their actions would inform whether they would do it again, or how they would do it again, and so they would reassess their boundries.

In the Vedic school of thought, this is a question of finding our dharma and the play between karma, and kriya. An act thro kriya is when you take the right action at the right time to the right degree and aligns with dharmic action. It considers not taking an action as an action as well. One done outside of this balance leads to karma where we experiences consequences for our action. Karma is suffering. Kriya is not.

And for sure, we cant expect everyone in a group to commit to being equally vulnerable, equally present, equally understanding. We can hold space for this and practise it ourseles to the capacity we do. We can act respectfully while respecting ourselves whatever that may look like to us but if we don’t respect ourselves and self-sacrifuce, this is noted by others. Its opens doors to how it can be used to manipulate and exploit us, it can be seen as a sign of weakness by others and be judged, it can reveal different degrees of alliances that we have with different group members. Any social act is a political one; its reputation enhancement, its wanting to be seen as considerate. Then theres reacting because of how we are feeling and that being taken as a communicative signal to others – we can signal unintentionaly to others that we are displeased or we can do it intentionally, and if intentionally, then what is the intention? Is it that we want thr other person to stop doing it, is it because we are manipulating others to see things as we do?

Conflict is an inescapable truth of life and not dealing with it well holds us back in life. It must be dealt with. Not conronting it at all is avoidant behaviour. Confronting it immediately is an anxious pattern. Confronting it securely – what does that look like? I’m guessing that its in dealing with it gratiously within a reasonable timeframe. Its in having hard conversations that may feel critical and blaming but doing it kindly. Outside of that, we don’t have control on the how others will respond.