Allison,

Congrats on the desire to grow spiritually, that’s a great one to have! 🙂 Consider that the view of “her” as agitating is something that is happening on your side. Such as, your inner Buddha would simply see her, have plenty of space for her to just be exactly who she is, and not be agitated. Snakes are snakes, trees are trees, some people do unskillful things, earth turns, etc. Why is it about you? Said differently, consider that if we watch a monkey in a zoo screetch and whine, we aren’t pulled in. When its a girl saying “you’re ugly, allison”, suddenly the mind is awash in thoughts, body in feelings.

To be rid of that, we can find forgiveness, that space that accepts people as they are. Who knows what chaos and trouble brought her to speak rumors and/or lies and/or gossip. Maybe her mom didn’t hug her enough, but it doesn’t really matter… her pattern hurts her, but doesn’t have to hurt you. Forgive her, and it erodes. Grab onto her words, her actions, as “all about Allison”, and it continues to agitate.

Namaste, dear sister, may your anger unwind into endless space.

With warmth,
Matt

Resentments and anger have not always been easy for me. Learning to meditate helped tremendously. When I begin to feel angry, I have learned be still, think and just breathe. I write about all the reasons I feel the anger. I put ‘Resentment’ at the top of the page and then write the person’s first name or initials. I make three columns. The first column I list the reasons I am angry. The second I list all the parts I have played that is causing the turmoil within me. To find this answer I sometimes have to dig deep and really think about it but I always find it. The third column I list the ways in which I could have avoided this inner conflict. Then I take another sheet of paper and make a list of at least ten things I’m grateful for. I may find the need to discuss what I’ve written with someone I trust.

I have learned to use the power within myself to be bold and firm with courtesy, kindness and patience.

I have had to practice and I mean practice really hard. None of this came easy. I’ve had incredible teachers and mentors. With every experience in my life I have grown.

If I had been wise enough, as you are, to ask questions and seek help and understanding when I was in college my life could have much more peaceful at a much earlier age. Peace and serenity feel wonderful.

You mention you are engaged. My mother told me once “If a man is good to his mother he will be good to his wife”. I’ve been grateful for this advice. My husband was incredibly good to his mother and to me. I also think my mother-n-law may have feared the loss of her son when he fell in love with me. She never lost him but I also had to earn her respect and trust.

My wish for you is peace. Take care.