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Delusional empathy sensitivity

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month ago.

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  • #322297

    bellpepper
    Participant

    Does anyone have this? You care too much about other people. I get into awkward situations and then can’t let go. I go back to check if the person is doing alright which causes misunderstandings especially with the opposite gender..why am I so screwed? Why can’t I be like the normal people? It happens with strangers too. I feel so stupid.. I make them feel so awkward. I wish I was different but my dumb brain is wired to be like this..

    #322343

    anita
    Participant

    Dear bellpepper:

    Can you give a specific, detailed example of a typical awkward situation you got into with the opposite gender, stranger or not, the misunderstanding and what happened next?

    (I need an example, otherwise your question is too general, too vague for me to understand).

    anita

    #322351

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi bellpepper,

    People should be so lucky to have someone go back and check if they’re doing alright. The fact that they’re not used to it makes it awkward. Well, let it be awkward. For THEM. Don’t feel bad about giving a rat’s azz.

    Best,

    Inky

    #322359

    anita
    Participant

    Dear bellpepper:

    It occurred to me, re-reading your short original post, that it is not so much that you feel empathy for others after interacting with them, but that you feel that you said/ did something wrong, then you “can’t let go” of the feeling that you said/did something wrong,  and you “go back to check if the person” is angry with you or is thinking poorly of you as a result of the perceived wrong thing you said or did.

    Am I correct? If you answer and provide me with an example, I will be glad to read from you and reply further.

    anita

    #322711

    bellpepper
    Participant

    Thanks so much both of you. Actually i pm’ed a man on a social networking site for some guidance. He happened to talk very freely like he knows me for years . He then shared his profile. I kind of acted cautious and also when he cracked a joke or two i acted anxious.. i felt so bad after that for the way i reacted i went and msged again and then I said sorry. By now things turned awkward. He thinks i have developed feelings. I am a very touchy sensitive person…I don’t do well on social networking sites. I want to leave the site because i am addicted to social media but i think there is some kind of awkwardness and i am so scared he may misunderstand if i msg him again..I don’t know why i am such a baby.. i turn things awkward for myself and others making it difficult for all involved.. i like to have a straight forward conversation and tell the truth that i really felt bad for acting cautious hence msgd the second time but obviously he may misunderstand..so i can make a mountain out of a molehill but my brain is wired that way..always on the edge and scared and worried even if there is no reason.. any suggestions on how to deal with this? this is a pattern for me but i did not know that i would get triggered like this suddenly..

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  bellpepper.
    #322717

    bellpepper
    Participant

    The more i  justify the more doubts he will get for sure 😀 There could be a little attachment but its nothing serious..it just feels awkward for me..im not ready for any relationship…But i need to leave the site (which i have done several times as i have social media addiction and anxiety) but also ensure that he is not the reason..How do I do this gracefully? I am not sure if this will end in grace because one more time i msg him he may get doubts.. I remember the last time i was on this site, an older gentleman used to send good morning forwards.. When i decided to leave the site i thanked him and left and the parting seemed so natural.. Why do things get tough with men of my age..Why does gender cause so many issues..yuck! Attachment is so blinding..

    #322747

    anita
    Participant

    Dear bellpepper:

    You are welcome. I have the following thoughts and suggestions based on what you shared:

    1. “why am I so screwed? Why can’t I be like the normal people?… I feel so stupid… my dumb brain is wired to be like this… I am such a baby”- I used to think of myself similarly and the first things I would tell my younger self and therefore I tell you: treat yourself respectfully even when you don’t feel like it. Treating yourself respectfully includes what you say to yourself (and to others) about yourself. Instead of saying you are “so screwed” you can say: I am having trouble with this or that, I am feeling uncomfortable. Instead of saying you are stupid and dumb, say something like: I don’t know how to solve this problem.

    * Regarding “normal people”- I used to feel very abnormal and believed everyone else was normal. What a surprise it was for me when I finally found myself.. normal and without a whole lot of company: mental health is not very common.

    * Regarding being “such a baby”, I wonder who told you that when you were a child? (Answer only if you want to).

    2. “I get into awkward situations and then can’t let go. I go back to check if the person is doing alright which causes misunderstandings.. I make them feel so awkward”. You gave an example: You pm’ed a man on social media for some guidance, he talked freely to you, shared his profile. You “kind of acted cautious” and when he cracked a joke or two, you “acted anxious”. Next you “felt so bad” about having acted cautious and anxious. Next you messaged him again and said you are sorry.

    My comments:

    -there is  nothing wrong with acting cautious or anxious- it is not a sin of any kind, it is not a wrongdoing for which you need to apologize.

    -Everyone acts cautious and anxious at times, every single person. You are not  abnormal.

    -Even if you acted more cautious and more anxious than most people, you need to be treated with empathy, by yourself and by others, not with judgment and condemnation.

    -As you know (and I know) it doesn’t feel comfortable, feeling anxious. But when you feel badly about feeling anxious, you add a bad feeling on top of the anxious feeling and that feels. .. worse. If you felt anxious without judging yourself negatively for feeling anxious, you will feel better, not as bad.

    – Often, in reality, a person should be cautious when interacting with other people. Not all people have good intentions and most people are not paying close attention to not hurt you, so better pay attention and be somewhat cautious when getting hurt is a possibility.

    -You  wrote that after you sent him the apology, he thinks that you developed feelings for him. I don’t know if he told you so, or indicated to you that this is what he thinks or you are assuming it. If you want, let me know, perhaps copy a part of his message to you that indicates that he thinks this way.

    “I am so scared he may misunderstand if I msg him again”- if you want, I can help you figure out what, if anything, he already misunderstood and how to proceed (regarding more questions that you have) by copying and pasting for me part of his messages to you that you think are relevant, not including, of course, any identifiable information such as names, places and so forth.

    I hope to read from you again and when I do, I will reply further.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  anita.
    #322753

    bellpepper
    Participant

    Thank you so much Anita 🙂 I take things a little too deeply even when there is no reason to. I want to get a closure with him by just having a normal chat like how he spoke funnily the first time so that it doesnt feel too weird. My only fear is will i be acting too considerate..I want to be able to just chat normally and later delete my account which anyway is a fake account. I am scared if it’ll make the situation too messy or if im thinking too deeply into things when i shouldn’t be. I have some mental health issues and I do speak to a counselor. When some situations like this happen, it stresses me even more. I constantly keep thinking if i offended another or if something strange happened which shouldn’t have and so on.

    #322759

    anita
    Participant

    Dear bellpepper:

    Seems to me that you want some type of closure regarding this most recent awkwardness experience as quickly as possible, so to get it out of the way and feel immediate relief. Am I correct?

    I don’t have any advice on how to get closure because I don’t have the information I asked for in my recent post to you.

    Problem is, let’s say you get some type of closure- it will provide you with only a temporary relief, not a long-term relief, and soon enough there will be another awkwardness with someone else. Better take advantage of this opportunity and learn something from it, so that you function better in the near and far future.

    If you are interested in functioning better, do read my earlier post to you, take your time and reply to my suggestions there.

    anita

     

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