Hello Fe Martin,

First of all I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Breaking up with a partner is always a difficult situation because you share something special together. However, never doubt that your negative feelings will come to an end. You will probably always remember him but there is a difference between remembering him and having negative feelings about it.

You can be 100% sure that he thinks of you as well. There will be a lot of moments in his life where he associates the situation with you. Your memories will always last and even though he is already out there partying and appearing to feel good he will have sad moments as well.

The best thing you can do is to accept that you are not together anymore. The moment you realize that you will be able to work your way towards a new life. Embrace that you have the opportunity of being alone and getting to know you better. The harder you fall the higher you bounce my friend 🙂

Your most important tasks for the next few months is to choose happiness instead of negative feelings. Embrace your life and be sure that better things are coming your way. My previous girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years and I was sure that my life was going to end. However, now I have found a girl who is ten times better. No chance I would have believed that in the first place but I promise you that better things are coming your way.

I hope you can find some inspiration on my website about choosing happiness.

Best of luck my friend,
Anders Hasselstrøm
Motivational Speaker

Fe,

Men often have difficulties processing emotions, which is part biology and part sociology. Where many women have social networks that they use to decompress their stress, men do it more internally. I see many women troubled by the lack of outward signs of grief over the loss of a relationship, as though it invalidates the meaning of the relationship. Sometimes its true, the woman didn’t mean too much to the man. Sometimes the man has been grieving before the end, and has already processed most of what he needed. More often, the man is either suppressing or distracting the emotions by covering them with a “new shiny” (thing or person).

No matter which of these happens, the healing from grief comes as we realize that the relationship mattered to us. That’s enough. We can’t change people, and their journey is theirs alone… their pre-during-post relationship actions don’t matter that much. We cared, opened and gave it our all, and so it hurts when it goes. Its good that it hurts, because it means that we had a romantic connection with them, and after we heal, our heart will be ready to try again with a (hopefully) more compatible partner.

Tim,

Your words tread close to nihilism, or meaninglessness. Machismo’s impact on human intimacy is mutually burdening. Said differently, because men are conditioned to be macho, the emotional men are often highly dramatic and clingly… filled with emotions they are unable to suppress to meet expectations, so they come out as weak and needy. Instead, we can deconstruct our own machismo and become both emotional and strong, which is something the balanced women I know find highly appealing. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Dear Fe,
As a man who recently broke up (She cheated, I couldnt get over it), I can tell you we don’t get over the Ex that easily. It was actually harder for me initially because i tend to bottle things up ( like a lot of us do), only after posting on this site and reading others’ stories I realised that it is the wrong way to deal with the pain, and so is trying to distract oneself with new interests. I now try to feel better about myself, be comfortable being single and try to forgive. Its been 4 months, I still cry occasionally and not a day goes by when I don’t think about her, but I have accepted the fact that it is OKAY for me to take my time as this is how time heals things. At some point I will be ready to date again, however it is not now. It seems like either your ex started this process while dating you or he is just delaying the inevitable by distracting himself away from his heart. In either case, its no longer your problem, you will have to take your time, however long, to forgive him and love yourself. And you will be the one coming out so much stronger, more confident and much more attractive. this site is a wonderful resource for doing that.

Matt,
I completely agree with the twisted concept of masculinity in the society. I myself am not the lumbarjack, but do tend to remain stoic. however, in my intimate relationships, i feel in order to be open and emotionally available, I may turn a bit clingy. And now is a wonderful time to realize it and try to change for the better, emotional and strong as you put it,
Thanks for the post brother
Namaste 🙂

Hi All,
My ex and I had an ON-OFF relationship. To be more precise, he used to be on and off with me but I was head-over-heels on him from the beginning. He used to say that he couldn’t think of me as “Wife” material and left me after some 4 years of relationship. I thought I was pushy so we talked and decided that we should start from the scratch as friends. It worked to some level. Like he started responding to my texts and calls and showed me enough interest in our talk and started feeling comfortable. When I thought this could work, his parents found a prospective bride for him and he is getting engaged tomorrow. I was shattered at the very thought of him with another woman. He said that I deserve more respect and that he wont give me. He will always be contended in life while I will starve if we get married. I could have proved this wrong. Because, I know what I should do if we get married. He is the kind of guy who wants to chase and get his meal and not something that is given in a platter. I wanted to give him what he wanted if only he could have accepted to meet me whenever I asked him. He was so workaholic. I didn’t mind that except when he uses it as a reason to avoid meetings. I was once his most important person but now, i have become an important guest to his engagement. He says that he remember all the things happened between us despite which he accepted this arranged marriage. He says that he doesn’t miss me like losing the best girl for marrying.

I still love him. I promised that i will leave his life if ever he brings another girl. I have gave up whatsapp, facebook and soon .. my job so that I can fulfill my promise. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. Trying to breathe every minute is a pain. I couldn’t eat or sleep even if I want to. He now says that we can be friends forever but when I wanted him to open up and be friends to feel comfortable with me, he ran up the hills. Now how can I be friends?. Atleast one of us should be happy. Let him be. what else would i want? I’m planning to leave without saying so that he wont know and wont regret.

What hurts me badly is when he told that “he will miss me in life but doesn’t when it comes to marriage decision.” I’m totally worthless. I’m trying to find my place in this world now.

“it is hard to know whether they are regretting their decision”… after a break-up there is a part of all of us that, no matter the nature of the break-up, wants/needs to believe/think the other regrets.

Of course such questions about the ‘other’ after a breakup are a distraction from the real work that needs to be done for personal healing. What the other person does after a break-up is not about us. Still…

My observation and experiences is that when it comes to break-ups and how genders respond or react to them the experiences are often interchangeable so it probably best not to generalize and associate one way of reacting as being gender based.

For example my own experience appears to be the opposite of yours as it was my girlfriend that broke up with me and within months found another. On my darker days I imagined if she ever regretted the decision, if she hurt as much as I hurt… but those questions never help. Even now writing about it, I feel an old sense of betrayal rise. Was the love she professed a lie. Is love a lie…

Is he possibly thinking or is he gonna regret this? For him I was the ideal wife he loved that I always accepted and tried to understand everything even his negative side and he told me I think if my wife is not same as your personality we won’t be together. Then we should also talk about our future plans about getting our own place and dog and eventually have a family and kids . He’s the one who initiates these conversations. I honestly thought our relationship meant something to him. Btw he’s Japanese and 23. We’re serious in our relationship but plan to only settle when were 27 or sth. He also told me before that to be with me in this life is a decision he already made. Even after he was stressed and yelled at me I cried and after a while he called crying because he got insecure about his future when he talked to some businessmen who didn’t like his idea. I was the first girl he cried in front of. And he can really show everything so I’m so confused why it’s very easy for him now and he seems to be happy. He’s adding a lot of girls o line and maybe even meeting them. He’s attractive and I’m sure a lot of girls from here would really like him.

Fe Martin,

I can actually related to your post and say the same about women from my case. My ex Gf left me for another guy and now she is having a time for her life and I am still single. Does women regret ?

Now, coming back to your question. There is a problem with question itself about men. First why do you want to know if your ex is regretting ? And how do you know if he’s having a time of his life? You can’t read his mind, can you?

You are seeking answers for questions that will keep you in this loop of breakup and misery. So, look beyond this event, bring your attention back to yourself. Its your choice to stay stuck in this rut or learn and grow from it.

Look for ways to learn to let go, to be comfortable with difficult emotions and to be happy without anyone.

Hope that points you in some direction.

Good luck
Brav3