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Do you feel in control of your life?

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  • #90144
    Aislynn
    Participant

    Hello Mark, and welcome.

    While I agree with this, “We are always in control of whether we retreat, or if we take the next step, and then the next…as we strive for our goal.” I don’t completely agree with the fact that we have control over our lives, at least not in a way that can counteract all of the external forces pushing us off of the road.

    I say this because take a single person for example, who is working for minimum wage, while trying to go to school and pay all their bills at the same time. Say they get injured on the job or are laid off due to the economy, or are perhaps unable to keep going to school and can no longer afford to pay all their bills due to rising costs. Well, in this case, while this person can in fact control what they do next and what their course of action is, they don’t really have control over the situation because all of these things are out of their control. They themselves cannot control the economy, or get a higher paying job if there are no openings, or pursue further schooling if they cannot afford it.

    Whatever choice they make then, is not the ideal or expected outcome, rather it is a choice made out of the limitations they have to deal with. So in a sense, they don’t really have control over their lives. Rather, the external forces have control over that person’s life, and the only control they then have, is the limitation that they accept to live with. And while sure, that limitation might only be temporary, it could also be permanent. So to speak, this person did not have control over their life.

    Of course, I made this situation up, but it wouldn’t surprise me if someone did experience such things.

    #90145
    Aislynn
    Participant

    Jack,

    You are welcome.

    In regards to the work training example, wow, I know for sure I would not have been suited for a job like that. Right there and then I would have felt intimidated, and I am sure I would have not been capable enough to deal with all the customers, especially those that tend to argue a lot and get aggravated over something that you cannot control. Also, how do they expect you to remain in control? Sure, you can do your best to help the customers and resolve their issues. However, it is out of your control if after addressing their concerns they get erratic over something you cannot change. After all, you are not the one behind all of the decisions, rather you are a representative and are only there to help as much as you can in accordance to the rules and regulations of the company.

    #90155
    jock
    Participant

    Turned out that guy was a bully as other employees complained to me about him. Might have been something to do with him being ex-army, as he expected us to obey without question, “yes sir, no sir”. My experience in the workplace over the years has taught me that there are a lot of damaged people(control freaks) out there. That’s OK except when they have power over you.

    #90180
    jock
    Participant

    what if you display confidence about your lack of it, that is what if you were comfortable about being uncomfortable, accept it and not be scared of it? What if you were “a high strung hyena” who is comfortable with being just that, a high strung hyena, so to speak…?

    that makes sense to me.nice point made there anita

    #90190
    anita
    Participant

    Thanks Jack. I like the idea myself!
    anita

    #90193
    who
    Participant

    To: Jack and to all who posted back, I really enjoyed reading your replies on this subject. Wow! another deep one..

    You all had some really interesting points, that had me thinking seriously about being in control or not.

    As for me I truly believe that the only thing we have control over, are the choices the that we make.
    And as for us having (routines) not to sure on that…
    Some may say that we are creatures of habit and have routines.
    But if that is the case, then why are we always looking for change or growth in our lives. Always ready for the next fix or new thing, whether it be within us or material?

    Plus as human beings we start off as sperm egg, infant, child, to teen, adult, to elderly, and then death. Even the very fabrics in our brains change. From our thought perception, experiences, and surroundings. Meaning nothing is really routine, because life and everything in it is constantly changing!
    I feel that we as people get into routines, because it’s a false sense of control, telling our brains that we have order in our life.
    When maybe it’s the (fear) of the unknown without our subconscious realizing it… meaning because of the constant changes in everyday life.
    Like I said this topic is a tuff” one, but I do like…Thanks! Jack and to all who replied.

    #90199
    anita
    Participant

    Dear who:

    I know! I know the answer to this one (yes, and every question anywhere, everywhere… ): we need routine AND change. Both. Like a toddler with his mother, staying close (sameness, like routine) and when safe enough the toddler walks away to explore (change). Every once in while he looks back to see his mother (sameness) and explores some more (change).

    And our blood sugar stays the same, otherwise we have diabetes, and our body temperature remains the same, otherwise we have fever. The body works hard to keep conditions the SAME (homeostasis) and the body works hard to make fast changes as needed when running from a predator. Both, same and change.

    Not all control is an illusion. Keeping blood sugar the same is not an illusion, neither is organizing our stuff in drawers and our thoughts in categories. Order, sameness, routine AND disorder, change.

    It is a balance thing, we need some of each.

    anita

    #90211
    jock
    Participant

    I feel that we as people get into routines, because it’s a false sense of control, telling our brains that we have order in our life

    Exactly what I think too, who.

    #90236
    who
    Participant

    To: Anita, Thanks You! for broadening my perspective on this matter, you are right!
    a bit of both balance…

    But I do have to say, I never owned a dresser to organize my clothes, for the fact that one, It never made sense to me. Meaning folding and unfolding, color coding them and putting them into categories.
    1) because it’s time consuming and they’re just going to get wrinkly anyways.
    2) you are not really keeping them in order if you have to keep putting them in and out.
    To me doing so is a false sense of control or order.
    But that’s just me.

    Instead I just have a cool laundry hamper use, no folding no, color coding, and no set order. All just piled inside one place.

    #90240
    who
    Participant

    To: Anita, Thanks You! for broadening my perspective on this matter, you are right!
    a bit of both balance…

    But I do have to say, I never owned a dresser to organize my clothes, for the fact that one, It never made sense to me. Meaning folding and unfolding, color coding them and putting them into categories.
    1) because it’s time consuming and they’re just going to get wrinkly anyways.
    2) you are not really keeping them in order if you have to keep putting them in and out.
    To me doing so is a false sense of control or order.
    But that’s just me.

    Instead I just have a cool laundry hamper I use, no folding no, color coding, and no set order. All just piled inside one place.

    #90241
    anita
    Participant

    Dear who:

    I am not organized with clothes myself. Most of my adult life I moved so much and so often I kept minimal belongings. I think I lived in 50 different places in California and often enough didn’t have a place when I was in between places, so I didn’t have much to organize. Maybe like you..?

    Anyway, I do organize my thoughts, at times, otherwise they are all over the place. Just all over the place, every thread you open, every page on tiny buddha….

    And you are welcome. How gracious you are!
    anita

    #90242
    who
    Participant

    Question for Anita: I don’t know so I am asking..

    Do we really put our thoughts into categories?
    Or does our brain take on whatever thought is more emotional than the others? good or bad..

    Sorry everyone about the same post twice, didn’t meant to. My computer didn’t send the first one, so I had clicked the submit button again.

    #90245
    who
    Participant

    Yes I can agree on the moving and not being stable a 100%
    Thank You! Anita

    I feel that my thoughts are never organized, because I’m constantly thinking billions of things at a time. sometimes I wish I had an off switch.

    Much love and GOOD NIGHT! for reals this time.. I tried a bit ago, got caught up in Tiny Buddha Topics.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by who.
    #90248
    anita
    Participant

    Dear who:

    Will answer tomorrow. Bed time. Good day tomorrow.
    anita

    #90448
    jock
    Participant

    Re theme of control:

    I notice suburban gardens, all nicely trimmed and manicured, (except ours :)). People really go to extraordinary lengths to make their front yard look maintained.
    Competitive, uptight.
    I prefer overflowing natural gardens with plants and trees native to our area. But many people in the neighbourhood try to recreate little Britain . problem is we don’t have enough rainfall for some of their trees/plants. Some of the trees look like those helmets of guards at Buckingham Palace.

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