You’re right Anita. I don’t have any evidence on my phone right now as I delete all his calls and texts to just not have to see them but I’ll get my call logs and records out, I’ll arrange for those and definitely keep any record of any further communication with him (I hope not) and take it to legal institutions.

I’ve been reading these days Anita, about OCD, about having constant self-doubt etc and it’s helping. I’m not able to take out much time now as work has resumed but I’m making little progress. I’d just read in one another thread here about you advising the person concerned to consider her thread as a journal and say what she wants to let out, so this post is mainly about that, just a rant. I’ll understand if you don’t address it, I realise I am going in circles and still obsessing to a degree ( tho I’d want to pat my back and say, less frequently) but at the cost of sounding irritating, I’ll just say it.

I’m just so disappointed Anita, in him, in the relationship. It all seems like a joke, I can’t even believe now that the man who said such big lofty things to me and a relation that I thought (wrongly, obviously) was so beautiful has turned to this. Leaving is a choice, yes, but isn’t there a way to do it? It’s been a year to the breakup and his constant calls but not once, not once Anita has he apologised for leaving me crying, not once has it been a genuine apology. The most he got to saying just once was ‘I never wanted to hurt you’. That’s all. He calls me and the few times I answered he actually had the audacity to call me mean and selfish and childish and stupid for not chasing after him, for not bothering to contact him after he left me high and dry for the umpteenth time. He literally taunted me that ‘thank you for showing me what you truly are’. I mean seriously? Does he seriously not see it or is he just one massively manipulative man! He seriously has the audacity to again turn it around on me.
And what is all this? Anita he’s sent random urgent messages, he’s made up stories, could he just not have been direct with whatever he had to say, what is this childish conduct. Is this a joke? 1 year gone and he cannot say things without hiding behind excuses. Just write a goddam text saying what you actually have to or call me and just say what you genuinely want calling me like this again and again. But No, None of that. He’ll keep dragging and running in circles. It all seems like a joke. I don’t even know know how to look back at my relationship.
And the worst thing, god this drives me mad. Whenever, I have replied to him, like the last time or a few times previously, there is no acknowledgement of my texts. I’ll be saying something and he’ll reply with something else only, not even addressing what I have said. It seems as if he thinks I am some barking dog whose messages don’t need to be addressed. Take the last message, I said what I felt, I said he can’t come and go, I said that my answer is a big No and instead of saying anything anything about it or even acknowledging it, or being silent, he is sending me a totally unrelated picture, as if what I said doesn’t even matter. It’s like he just wants a reply from me, the content of which doesn’t matter. What is that! When you are hell-bent on talking to me, why not talk when I am responding to you. If I imagine myself in his place and I am so desperate to talk to a person, I would take any opportunity that they reply to me to engage in meaningful conversation with them. What the hell is this man doing! Is this a joke? You keep calling me, then when I text you and say something, instead of understanding it you just are on our own trip. I mean, if the first time I’d texted that don’t contact me etc, months ago, if instead of just replying random stuff and keeping on calling, if he’d replied to it and said whatever, asked me why I don’t want him to contact, or said that he understands and is willing to give me time, or anything, just any human worthy reply, I would have felt some at least some respect for him as an ex-bf.

I meant what I wrote in the last text. Could he not have been direct, could he not have been respectful, did the relation not even deserve that! How can anyone be like this! You know why I sometimes think that maybe I was wrong, because I just cannot fathom how can someone be so twisted, nothing makes sense, there is no logical flow to his conduct. He’ll madly keep contacting and then reply nonchalantly when I finally reply.

I mean why, why could you not have just written to me what you feel, what you want and done it respectfully, instead of calling like this and talking wishy washy. Till date, I do not know, what this man really wants.

It seems as if it’s just one joke to him, or just that he wants me to fall back into speaking to him without much effort and without any accountability on his part. How big an ego do you need to be such. I wasn’t perfect, far from it, I realised with your help that my argumentativeness was wrong but I genuinely loved him and I am so disappointed with his behaviour. I don’t even know what my entire past relation meant. The man I thought knew in the beginning versus the man he became in the end verses the man he looks like now, they are all so different and confusing. Ughh.
I just want him to stop. Just stop. Just stop contacting me if this is what you are. Let there at least remain one tiny thread of mutual respect. Let there be silence.

– Jenny

Hi Anita

How are you? I just felt like talking.

Honestly, I read a few recent threads on the site. There are people out there with such substantial challenges that I’m feeling pretty embarrassed talking about my almost no-problem problem, but I guess, if there’s some place that I can talk about it, it is here, so.

Honestly, I am so happy, so happy Anita in my life currently. After I think years, I am at a place where my personal professional life both are going well and are balanced. Thank You again, your inputs helped a lot in lending me mental clarity that is now benefitting every area of my life.
There are just small little things, nothing major.

Firstly, I couldn’t take legal measures against him Anita. He did contact again and I have this time kept a record of it all if I need but I just couldn’t go through with taking legal or some restraining action against him. Maybe it’s just residual feeling or something like that. Plus, since all in all, I am happier, it’s bothering me lesser with every passing day. But I still am keeping all records so that if I again feel a need to, I can take legal action asap.

So what happened was, after his visit to my city and my friend telling him off etc etc, he still contacted around once weekly or so. Then one day, I was like let me just hear him out. Maybe then he’ll stop. I answered and told him that stop beating around the bush and say whatever you have to say. He said a lot Anita, I mean a lot, he said how he screwed up with me, how his life has been a mess after me, told me that he feels no joy, he is constantly confused, it genuinely seemed as if he’s mentally struggling, how he’s tried talking to so many girls but he just can’t see them as anything more, that he still can’t accept that we aren’t together, that his leaving was just a result of his discontentment and frustration from his own life etc etc. He broke down in places, literally begged for me back, asked if there’s even the smallest of chance that we might be together etc etc. I heard him out Anita and then told him that there is none. I told him that my trust in him is broken, that everyone deserves consistent and respectful love, told him that life will always have frustrations, and that if his way of dealing with it is to drop the relationship then I cannot ever see a future with him again. he was really persistent, he kept saying that I will change, I am working on myself but when I was firm in my negation, at a point he lost it and almost lashed out at me but then stopped. That was my cue to know he hasn’t really changed, he might be sorry, he might want to, but as of now, he hasn’t. And I deserve better. After that I told him to just stop all this and hung up.

I cannot thank you enough for asking me to look up OCD. After talking to you, I became more conscious of my thought processes and made concerted efforts to stop overthinking and it is so much better. I don’t really obsess about him to that level anymore. I don’t obsess about anything that much anymore and I hope it’ll further reduce with effort. There are some thoughts though, loose ended thoughts that like I sometimes wonder. I know they are redundant, there are of no relevance to my life but sometimes I wonder.

– Is it possible that he’ll never change? I had at least thought that there’ll be some change in him but I could see that as much as he tried hiding it, he was the same. Maybe I don’t understand people that well. I’d always believed we all change, I’d counter anyone who talked about our ‘basic nature and signature never changing’ and thought that even the most callous of partners must become serious after marriage maybe? I mean how can anyone stay rude and selfish forever, isn’t companionship needed to everyone and how can someone get that with such selfishness. Now that I am past much of the bitterness I feel a little sorry when I feel that he will never change when he could be so much more and sometimes just think in circles.

– Is genuine lingering-for-long human regret even possible? I mean he kept saying I regret this, regret that, biggest mistake of my life etc etc and sometimes I feel it’s all hogwash.

Anyhow, I think I was just in a thinking mode today and felt like asking. I just think that when now I ever think about the relation, I can’t even understand what it was, I mean I can’t understand how can he be so selfish but then again come back and pursue for like more than a year now as if he loves me too much, so I think that is where these thoughts come from.

Again, thank you so much Anita, for all your help when I needed it. I am pretty sure I would have been as miserably stuck as I was couple months ago had it not been for this platform.

Love,

Jenny.

I am late but, a very Merry Christmas to you too, Anita.
I wish in the coming year, all the positivity you spread here comes back to you in bigger and brighter ways!

Love,
Jenny