October 5, 2020 at 10:40 am #367582
You are welcome. It is not a small thing to me, to be able to be of some help to you. And to read that you feel that you will never forget me throughout your life- that made me feel so special. Thank you, Jenny.
“I now really wish he stops contacting”- I hope there is a way to successfully block him. But regardless, if you maintain your silence with him, that continuous and persistent silence will sound way louder to him than any words you ever said to him, and all the emotion you ever expressed to him.
anitaOctober 22, 2020 at 4:11 pm #368129jennyParticipant
How are you?
I just felt like posting here today, a little disturbed since a few days.
Mostly things are very good, work is very good, I am very happy in my personal life. I am just a little ashamed of my behavior a few days back, specially after being clear about silence and while I’m not obsessing the way I generally do, it’s like VR has lost that level of grip on me, yet it’s a little bothersome.
So, the last time I posted telling that he had called and then dropped a message and I was furious about such provocative texts though In answered nothing. I have blocked his number, had done that long back but he keeps contacting from his friends’ numbers and I just don’t want go to the level of blocking every unknown number. So the very next day after that message, he again called, then again a few days later, then again another day and then 10 days ago, when I saw my phone after work (it was on silent), I had 36 calls from him, followed by a message that it’s important. So many calls did jolt me out that what happened but I stuck to my guns and didn’t respond at all, he called another 10-12 times, then he messaged that he is in my city, waiting for me at one of the places we would often visit together and would like to meet me. At this point he finally said after a year of wishy-washy conduct that he would like to get back with me if I’m open to the idea. I again didn’t reply Anita, he called many more times and finally texted ‘As you wish, I will never bother you again’ and stopped. The next day though again he called, again Anita I didn’t respond to him. At this point he called a friend of mine who lives in the same city and asked her if she could make him talk to me. My friend, who is a darling and knows what I went through, spoke bitterly to him and asked him to never try to contact me. After that he didn’t call me. So this is all that happened.
Now comes the part that I want to slap myself for. I was terribly low a couple of days back. I wasn’t well, despite that had to attend a very hectic day at work, was annoyed with a few people at work and when I finally decided to unwind with a movie suggested by a friend at night, the movie ended up being very emotional romantic movie. That day only my friend called to enquire about health and actually told me what exactly she’d told VR. She’d been justifiably rude to him. But all this together, just took me to a point where I couldn’t think clearly and just wanted this VR thing to stop and I don’t know why, I texted VR telling him to just stop it once and for all. I texted him that the reply to his question about if I’m open to being with him again is a big No and that it is enough and he should stop, just stop contacting me from all these numbers. This was around 1 at night. he saw my message immediately and in a while, sent me a picture of him, wearing a T-shirt that I’d last gifted him. I was furious Anita, at myself, I immediately regretted texting him and also at him, that what am I talking about and what is he replying with, I just let it be, didn’t reply and went to sleep. I woke up 2 hours later with a bad headache and I was so angry about everything that I just replied to him. I replied that I am very disappointed with the way he behaved ever since we broke up and that there could have been a more respectful way to end what was a long relationship. I finally ended by saying that I hope now at least he’ll stop all the random texts and calls from all these unknown numbers and just let me be. He saw the message the next day and thankfully didn’t reply.
I am so ashamed Anita. Why did I reply. Why did I text? And I can’t help but fall back into thinking that he must be thinking of me as some weak girl that he still can annoy. I feel as if I lost after all this hard work. I know I am worthy of goodness and I am moving towards it but I can’t help thinking that I just screwed up. My friend said that I just showed him with these medium sized paragraphs that I sent to him that I still care. It feels as if all my hard work in being away from him and not even engaging has gone to waste. Then I think, I am overthinking, I haven’t done anything wrong, I told him not to contact, not that I was wanting to talk to him, I was frustrated with his continued presence and just wanted him out. Maybe it’s just my friend getting in my head.
I feel like shit Anita. I am so sorry, I even let you down. You helped me so much and I felt so much better but now I feel like a loser.
– JennyOctober 22, 2020 at 4:22 pm #368130
I only read the last two lines of your recent post- I am sorry you are feeling badly, no need to apologize for feeling badly, there is no wrong doing in how we feel. You didn’t let me down because of how you feel.
I will read your recent post thoroughly and reply when I am back to the computer, in about 16-20 hours from now.
anitaOctober 23, 2020 at 11:03 am #368146
I am fine, thank you. Good to read that mostly, “things are very good, work is very good”. You shared that you are “just a little ashamed” of your behavior a few days back: VR called you again, and again.. from different numbers, 36 calls, then another 10-12 times. He messaged you at one point that he was in your city, waiting for you to meet him “at one of the places we would often visit together”, and added that “he would like to get back with me if I’m open to the idea”. Through all this you did not reply to him and kept your dignified silence, which we discussed.
Next, he texted you, “As you wish, I will never bother you again”. Then he… called you again the next day, and he called a friend of yours asking her if she could make him talk to you. The friend asked him to never contact you.
Some time later, you had a hectic, difficult day at work, watched a romantic movie, that friend called you, and next, you texted VR at 1 am, telling him to just stop it once and for all, to stop contacting you, and you answered his question about getting back together with “a big No”. Next, he sent you a photo of him wearing a shirt you gifted him in the past. Next, you slept for a couple of hours, then woke up with a bad headache and replied to him again, that you are “very disappointed with the way he behaved ever since we broke up and that there could have been a more respectful way to end what was a long relationship”, and that “now at least he’ll stop all the random texts and calls from all these unknown numbers and just let me be”. He did not reply to that recent message.
You wrote: “I am so ashamed Anita. Why did I reply. Why did I text?.. I can’t help thinking that I just screwed up.. as if all my hard work in being away from him and not even engaging has gone to waste”.
My thoughts today: there is something very wrong with this man. He is not well. I think that you should contact the police and file a complaint against him for calling you from multiple unknown numbers against your wishes, after you clearly told him to not contact you again. I think that this matter should move from a personal issue to a legal issue. There should be a legal order by the courts to keep him from contacting you.
Like you wrote, you had a bad day at work, he’s been calling you dozens of times.. you broke down under the pressure. Take any and all record you have of his recent calls, including a record of you telling him to not call/ contact you ever again and go to the police/ the court. Make it strictly a legal matter.
anitaOctober 24, 2020 at 1:43 pm #368200jennyParticipant
You’re right Anita. I don’t have any evidence on my phone right now as I delete all his calls and texts to just not have to see them but I’ll get my call logs and records out, I’ll arrange for those and definitely keep any record of any further communication with him (I hope not) and take it to legal institutions.
I’ve been reading these days Anita, about OCD, about having constant self-doubt etc and it’s helping. I’m not able to take out much time now as work has resumed but I’m making little progress. I’d just read in one another thread here about you advising the person concerned to consider her thread as a journal and say what she wants to let out, so this post is mainly about that, just a rant. I’ll understand if you don’t address it, I realise I am going in circles and still obsessing to a degree ( tho I’d want to pat my back and say, less frequently) but at the cost of sounding irritating, I’ll just say it.
I’m just so disappointed Anita, in him, in the relationship. It all seems like a joke, I can’t even believe now that the man who said such big lofty things to me and a relation that I thought (wrongly, obviously) was so beautiful has turned to this. Leaving is a choice, yes, but isn’t there a way to do it? It’s been a year to the breakup and his constant calls but not once, not once Anita has he apologised for leaving me crying, not once has it been a genuine apology. The most he got to saying just once was ‘I never wanted to hurt you’. That’s all. He calls me and the few times I answered he actually had the audacity to call me mean and selfish and childish and stupid for not chasing after him, for not bothering to contact him after he left me high and dry for the umpteenth time. He literally taunted me that ‘thank you for showing me what you truly are’. I mean seriously? Does he seriously not see it or is he just one massively manipulative man! He seriously has the audacity to again turn it around on me.
And what is all this? Anita he’s sent random urgent messages, he’s made up stories, could he just not have been direct with whatever he had to say, what is this childish conduct. Is this a joke? 1 year gone and he cannot say things without hiding behind excuses. Just write a goddam text saying what you actually have to or call me and just say what you genuinely want calling me like this again and again. But No, None of that. He’ll keep dragging and running in circles. It all seems like a joke. I don’t even know know how to look back at my relationship.
And the worst thing, god this drives me mad. Whenever, I have replied to him, like the last time or a few times previously, there is no acknowledgement of my texts. I’ll be saying something and he’ll reply with something else only, not even addressing what I have said. It seems as if he thinks I am some barking dog whose messages don’t need to be addressed. Take the last message, I said what I felt, I said he can’t come and go, I said that my answer is a big No and instead of saying anything anything about it or even acknowledging it, or being silent, he is sending me a totally unrelated picture, as if what I said doesn’t even matter. It’s like he just wants a reply from me, the content of which doesn’t matter. What is that! When you are hell-bent on talking to me, why not talk when I am responding to you. If I imagine myself in his place and I am so desperate to talk to a person, I would take any opportunity that they reply to me to engage in meaningful conversation with them. What the hell is this man doing! Is this a joke? You keep calling me, then when I text you and say something, instead of understanding it you just are on our own trip. I mean, if the first time I’d texted that don’t contact me etc, months ago, if instead of just replying random stuff and keeping on calling, if he’d replied to it and said whatever, asked me why I don’t want him to contact, or said that he understands and is willing to give me time, or anything, just any human worthy reply, I would have felt some at least some respect for him as an ex-bf.
I meant what I wrote in the last text. Could he not have been direct, could he not have been respectful, did the relation not even deserve that! How can anyone be like this! You know why I sometimes think that maybe I was wrong, because I just cannot fathom how can someone be so twisted, nothing makes sense, there is no logical flow to his conduct. He’ll madly keep contacting and then reply nonchalantly when I finally reply.
I mean why, why could you not have just written to me what you feel, what you want and done it respectfully, instead of calling like this and talking wishy washy. Till date, I do not know, what this man really wants.
It seems as if it’s just one joke to him, or just that he wants me to fall back into speaking to him without much effort and without any accountability on his part. How big an ego do you need to be such. I wasn’t perfect, far from it, I realised with your help that my argumentativeness was wrong but I genuinely loved him and I am so disappointed with his behaviour. I don’t even know what my entire past relation meant. The man I thought knew in the beginning versus the man he became in the end verses the man he looks like now, they are all so different and confusing. Ughh.
I just want him to stop. Just stop. Just stop contacting me if this is what you are. Let there at least remain one tiny thread of mutual respect. Let there be silence.
– JennyOctober 24, 2020 at 10:15 pm #368213
I’ll be back to your thread, read and reply to you in about 9 hours from now.
anitaOctober 25, 2020 at 11:28 am #368228
I will need more time before I am back to your thread- be back in a couple of hours or so.
anitaOctober 25, 2020 at 11:45 am #368230
I am back earlier than expected and feel comfortable to post a short post for you after reading that you mostly wanted to rant (which you are welcomed to do). I read some of your ranting, and reads to me that your childhood hurt, anger.. injustice keep circulating in your brain (aka OCD) in the context of this man.
I am glad to read that you will be keeping a record of his communication with you and prepare to use it legally if you need to.