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Ego

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  • February 11, 2015 at 6:03 pm #72660
    Adam
    Participant

    I am a longtime practitioner of meditation, yoga, and martial arts and with great effort I have been successful in my pursuit of enlightenment but in that lies my problem. About 5 years ago I was studying Zen Buddhism and came across a philosophical term called Ego Death. The ego’s death is the practice of eliminating one’s ego from mind so that his attention lives solely in the present moment. My ego was a huge reason I started this spiritual journey of mine and to be quite frank, I despised my ego and because of that negative force the attraction of an ego death was very appealing to me at the time.

    I wanted to discover the mysteries of meditation for myself so that I could know exactly what worked and what didn’t. I did simple research to fill in some blanks but I got the gist of what I had to do. So I spent the next 2-3 years shunning my ego from my existence. I did not allow myself any selfish desire, I would eat very small portions to discipline myself further, if I didn’t have the energy to do something I would discipline myself to do twice as much as I normally would until one day it just clicked inside me. My ego was not dead but its hold on me was weakened to such an extent that I grew a much more powerful sense of attachment to everything around me. It was beautiful.

    Now, after more time has passed I feel less and less of my ego and my sense of the physical world has been clouded. To live in the American society without an ego is almost a joke. Everything from what we see on TV or in malls, and even on the clothes we wear are all things that make the ego feel good. Without my ego in place anymore I can’t motivate myself to care about what kind of car I drive or what clothes I wear. I couldn’t care less about any of that and that’s my problem. I feel completely disconnected from the only world I’ve known. This doesn’t effect my peace of mind, happiness, or my ability to love but a small part of me misses the ignorance that I once had and that sense of longing has increased in a way I don’t find healthy.

    How do I let go of the society that raised me and the people within it that I love? What can I do to move pass this?

    February 11, 2015 at 11:58 pm #72671
    sweetglow
    Participant

    Hey,

    Really interesting post and something i’ve been thinking about recently. I think what you have described is a prime example of how there is nothing inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and how everything contains within it the potential to cause conflicting emotions to arise. So on the one hand you’ve seem to more-or-less have reached a state where you have become disconnected from your ego. This is, on one level, incredibly good; the ego, when left to ‘run’ wild can be extremely destructive at worst and very shallow at best (judging your own or someone else’s character based on material possessions, status etc.). However, the ‘bad’ emerges when you say that this has made you feel disconnected from the ‘only world [you’ve] known’. My only advice would be to persevere with this attitude. Just because it seems as if everyone else is living the ‘ego-driven life’ does not justify it or make it a good thing. Try not to judge those who do and, if you can, discuss the dominance of ego with others and see if you can get them to see how messed up it can be. Having said this, there are plenty of people out there who aren’t particularly egotistical or shallow, or whatever who still live in Western society. I think you can tune out some of society’s bullshit and just try not to pay attention to it.

    Apart from anything, there is nothing inherently wrong with deriving some pleasure from material things such as clothes or cars, so long as you don’t attach to this pleasure and think that your possessions are indicative of who ‘you are’ or make you a superior person to others etc.

    Hope you have a great day 🙂

    February 12, 2015 at 2:46 am #72674
    Will
    Participant

    Your post made me smile – I hope you don’t mind. Yup, the path leads to a lonely mountaintop. Enlightenment makes you weird. Did they neglect to mention that when you set out?

    I don’t think you need to let go of your society and family (although traditionalists may beg to differ!) but of the longing to be more like them. You tried that. You worked hard to get away. Now rest, knowing that your work has made you different.

    It sounds like you could do with some fellow travellers and friends who pursue the same kind of ego death or enlightenment you have been seeking. A sanga, in other words. Is there a way you can spend more time with people like that?

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