Hi Awakening, thank you for having the courage to tell your story, I imagine that writing all of that wasn’t easy.

I think a lot of people, me included, can relate to “not being able to relate” to other people to the same, lesser or even greater extent. So don’t think that you are alone in your struggles. Personally I didn’t like people for a long time and cut myself off from relating to others, therefore not learning how and why to do it. The reasons that made it all happen were different to yours but the result was pretty much the same; a lot of self re-discovery, dwelling on the past, wishing I could take it out on somebody and wondering how I can “catch up” to all the people I considered (and still consider to an extent, I’m a work in progress =] ) “normal”.

A few thoughts come to mind and I know some of these are not easy to accomplish or think about in such a way at first, but I feel it’s worthwhile and even I myself am still working on them to a lesser or greater extent:

– Feelings of retribution, anger, frustration etc.. are normal, I went through them, at first I went out for angry walks every day, wanted to punch or throw or scream and other things I felt might release my frustrations. I have amazing self control which meant I didn’t actually end up doing these things but that didn’t make them go away! I just bottled everything up for years until my bottle was ready to explode. The amazing thing is that what helped in the end was none of those things, what helped was simply talking about it to someone I befriended. Talking, writing things down, sitting down to think about them at length are I think the best ways to empty that “bottle”. In that regard you are already doing great by posting it here! Well done. =]

– Just emptying the bottle isn’t enough though and if you keep thinking about all the bad things all the time you will actually start to refill it with negative thoughts, so while you are removing your frustration the other important thing in my opinion is being compassionate to yourself and other people, that way you can replace your negative thoughts with good things and experiences. Things like metta meditation, good friends, doing something you love (if you are depressed this one can be difficult, but meditation and friends can definitely help with depression), being good to others etc… are great at making you feel like a person again and combat your other negative thoughts.

– While you are thinking about the past think about what the GOOD things were, like making you a stronger person, a wiser person. Bad things happened but good things can come of it. You are clearly intelligent and thoughtful, you are still going no matter what. Those experiences were terrible but they also made you the strong person you are today, the kind of person that would never do those things to somebody else, someone that came out a better, more caring human and ultimately closer to living a truly happy life because your eyes are now more open which will help you know where to go from here. And you are also a more interesting, colourful person! With more fascinating ideas and thoughts and a different take on the world.

– Don’t forget the past but don’t dwell on it, I find this is a lot easy once you calm the turmoil in your mind that comes from constantly thinking about your past experiences. Which is where meditation excels I think, once your mind stops with the constant worry (which I find keeps going at the back of your mind even if you’re not actually actively thinking about things) it is a lot easier to concentrate on the present.

Things are difficult right now but I believe you are on the right path, just keep going and don’t give up.

Hello,

You’re right about certain things. You can’t go back to the past and change it… I recently watched a movie, “About Time” where the main character can travel back in time to change situations -> events -> thus future. It was a great concept, but it does not exist in reality. Looking for ways to look back to negativity is unproductive and unfulfilling. We’re not computers -> we don’t have the capability to move a file to a trash bin, and to empty it, that is why it’s natural for those bad memories to pop up at any time. What you “can” do, is to discipline your mind to be focused on the present, to resist the temptation to be driven to those negativity and wrongful events, and to start correcting your life’s path as of this moment. Though correcting your life’s path is not always perfect, and it may take some time -> like you can’t lift 100lb dumbbell when you can only lift 10lb, but I think it’s the only way to prevent or to resist those temptations. Pardon my language but JENGA those structures you have written about… a mind map of looking back and trying to fix them is like bringing up x100 of those bad events in your mind. Because you’re able to define between what’s right and what wrong… hence you’re able to write this post: Follow your heart, and let your intuition be the guide to start making the right and correct decisions apart from what you believe is wrong. Discipline allows you to take control of things you can control in your life. Everything else, leave it to a higher being up above.

Namaste

Thanks for sharing

🙂 -> 😉

Matt, there is so much wisdom in your words. I have copied and pasted several lines from your post and also have done some writing around these things. For me, one of the most powerful things you said, was that now we get to choose the language that we speak. It struck a deep chord in me. Thank you.

Sincerely,

James

TheAwakening,

Your post blew me away. Not only because of what you went through, but mostly because of the beautiful person that came out of it. I often wonder what comes of the children of extreme religious groups or cults, and thought I know you’re likely a rare case, I have to admit it lightens my heart just slightly to know not all of them spend a miserable life after choosing to leave the organization.

I struggle myself with clinging to hurt from the past and resentment. One of the commentors, Matt, actually gave me a few tips in helping this. When hurt by another person (or group) it’s easy to take it personal- but it’s not. Most of the time, the hurt person or people are hurt themselves, or so divulged in their delusions, it has nothing to do with you (though of course it actually has everything to do with you.) An interesting and simple quote I read recently “Hurt people hurt people” Though it doesn’t make it ok they act this way, consider yourself to be the lucky person to see their ignorance or pain, forgive them for bringing it into your life, and move on happily.

You’ve answered your own questions, girl. You know the only thing you can do is move forward and upward from what you’ve endured. You positive attitude and warm heart gives you a leap in the right direction to find your true happiness. You could have very well come from that situation bitter and apathetic. Instead, you’re eager to find peace and in essence make up for lost time. And who says it’s too late to do the things you couldn’t do! You’re young, go have fun! Go to the park and swing on the swings, go on dates (unless of course you’re involved with someone!) rollerskate, stay up late talking to friends about boys (or girls). The only sin there is letting the “what could have been” ruin your “what could be”

As far as dealing with the past- I think that you can approach it slowly. Those bricks that form that unsteady structure? No need to handle them all at once. Brick by brick. Day by day. That’s really all we are promised anyway, right now. So if today you feel like conquering one of those demons that are holding you back? Do it. If you don’t? It’s ok. But do something positive and fun. Something you DESERVE. You admit you’ve missed a lot being stuck in that group, why keep missing? They no longer have a hold on you, physically. Do your best to release their grip mentally. You can do it! Reread what you wrote. That is a powerful lady typing!

Best of luck 🙂

TheAwakening-

I was just referred to this site by a friend and started browsing through the forums. Your topic was one of the first I selected to read, as I too have struggled with the question of whether or not to revisit the past in order to heal old wounds, or leave it where it lay and just focus my efforts on the present and intentions for the future. Little did I know when I opened your post that I would be looking pretty much directly in the mirror. I too was raised in a very strict born again Christian household. I too, as a child, was the victim of abuse by those who were supposed to be revered as “holy”- in my case it was sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse at the hands of my own father (a pillar in the church) and youth counselors. I too know the pain of being isolated as a child, not being allowed exposure to “secular” media (radio, tv, movies) and had no friends outside the church. I was blessed with introspection and intuition as a youth, and when I began to question the teachings at 14, was thrown out of Sunday school and shunned by the church and most of my family. I am also 31 years old. The paralells between your experience and my own, and how I got to your post lead me to believe even more in cosmic law. Thank you for your courage to post about your experience and question the right path for you to attain serenity and fufillment now in the present.

From my experience, there are two schools of thought on the past. Some therapists say to leave it where it lays and concentrate on now. I have tried that method for a long time, but found that the past continues to haunt and rear its ugly head in ways that affect my thinking, and therefore behavior in the present (conciously and subconciously) I have personally gotten to a point, by following my intuition, that I must address the issues of the past- acknowledge its existence, the effect it has on my present life and how I’ve coped with it to date, so that I can forgive, heal, rid myself of negative coping mechanisms brought on by the past, and truly move forward so that I can leave my past where it truly belongs- in the past. I firmly believe that if I do not go through this process, I never be able to feel whole, serene, and fufilled. You are a strong individual. You are beautiful. You deserve to forgive (forgiveness does not endorse other’s bad behavior, but gives you the gift of release) I believe those same things for me. Although the road is difficult, the reward is priceless. Follow your heart, follow your intuition.

With Love and Light-

PhoenixLotus