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May 14, 2014 at 6:41 pm #56304JBParticipant
Hello.
I found this website ages ago and I think it’s absolutely beautiful.
I am at a time where I am really stuck, and need a lot of help. Except for the fact that my personal life is pretty much crumbling, in my exams I have had a stress problem in maths for years and now it had reached it’s pinnacle, with me scoring below 50% in an exam and also because of silly mistakes.
I asked a lady who is involved in astrology and she said it is in my stars, and apparently there is nothing I can really do about it. However, after reading Eat, Pray, Love, there was a situation in it where she wanted her husband to sign the divorce papers, and after petioning to angels, she found out it happened. It gives me hope maybe there is something I can do about this. I have only recently found out that it is in my stars. But I believe in faith.I need help from someone, who can maybe give me some advice or tell me how to deal with stress or maybe there is monk or meditation that can help me. I akm willing to try anything. I have faith in god, but if there is something that someone says, that I belive may be His message, I will follow that with the depths of my soul.
I know that my personal life however are not the reason for this. I just need help….?
I know that Matt, one of the common people who replies to these forums is full of wisdom, so I would love to hear from him.
But please, please for anyone who is reading this, just say hi, good luck, or any kind of support….as there is something really big coming up, which will impact my entire life, and I can’t afford to risk making silly mistakes for that.PLEASE PLEASE help me…it really means a lot to me….
thank you
May 14, 2014 at 9:19 pm #56306AnonymousInactiveAs someone who has had her share of flunking, near flunking in math for years altogether while wondering what i could do to improve, i can understand your state of mind. However, i will add this – my major math turnaround happened in high school when i worked like a maniac for 2 months to get my practice level up to that level – of course, it took me another 2 years to get perfect but i definitely was nowhere near flunking when i consciously decided to “up” my game.
The thing that went wrong in between was this tutor who managed to (despite his good intentions) instill an obsession in me to score the perfect grade in my semesters. Now that never happened and no matter how much i improved, i was too obsessed with getting that perfect grade – just was never happy. of course, my motive was very different – i wanted to go study economics in college and throughout my life, literature was something i found much easier as compared to math. But i had no special craze for literature the way i did for economics – so being good at math was like a synonym for me to good at economics…
anywho, on the day of the final exam, i got so nervous that i actually blanked out on the last question of 5 marks – scored a meagre 92 which deeply disappointed me for i had worked really hard to improve in the last 2 years. the tutor was well…i realized a nutcase -_-
Now off to college, the math phobia continued – why? Because i believed i was no good at it, i just didnt have the brains for it and i was so anxious about my supposed weaknesses, that i just stopped doing the main thing i enjoyed – learning. A year passed and i flunked almost every math paper in college. I would go blank with anxiety, my body would shake like crazy and damn, it was just horrible to say the least.
Finally in second year, i came to my senses and decided that i really had to change my approach – i was putting way too much pressure on myself. I need to believe i am good at math. So i started reading about how to cope with math anxiety – a huge part of it was psychological – i believed i was way too dumb and being good at math would make me worthwhile at economics. The other reason was i had been a almost flunkie student most of my life and math was that obsessive need to feel like i was definetly good at something. The second was how i handled the stress – pretty poorly. I concluded i needed to give more time to practice, discussing the important questions much before the exam and actually on the day before the exam, to just relax – watch tv, maybe at best look at a small one page list of formula i prepared. otherwise on the day before, just go play, watch a movie and have some fun or atleast watch tv…preferably have a nice workout to plonk off to sleep probably.
The last step was handling the stress when i saw students like me before the exam with their books, discussing away…somehow that always made me anxious..so i decided that i would come deliberately a bit late into the premises where i could see them. Maybe roam around somewhere a little farther out of sight.
Now while giving the stress, if anxiety starts building up, drop your pen and stop doing everything – tell yourself this “its just an exam and not the end of life. i am gonna be fine” – take 2-3 deep breaths, sip some water, wipe your face if needed and then another dose of breath – continue. Try to take a seat towards the front so that you wont be disturbed by people trying to cheat -_- Overall, its not that hard and i can tell you that anyone can improve at math but if we label ourselves as implicitly stupid at it and believe we just cant, it will never happen.
Nonetheless, you gotta study smarter, plan better and stop making this bigger than it really is. You’ll be fine. Just practice hard and dont take so much tension about it. You can check out lot of resources on math anxiety. I am sure those will help too.
As for what astro lady said, well my school psychologist told me that i should take economics because i wasnt good at math – i looked at her for 4 seconds and thought “what the hell do you know about me? i know myself way better and i can improve at this” – 4 years since that statement, i have absolutely no regrets on that decision to push ahead despite her opinions. My point is, the more you believe in what other people say without taking into consideration your needs, the more it will aid you in labeling yourself. I made that mistake with that tutor and it cost a great deal of peace but it was my choice. I choose to believe now that i am absolutely capable of handling whatever comes to me and I dont absolutely dont believe in the stars as much as i believe in hard work and persistence. The stars will shine after that long, sunny humid day of toiling.
– Moon
May 15, 2014 at 2:36 am #56316SannaParticipantHi JB,
I’ve recently got to know astrological maps myself – even for my own surprise. I still don’t know what I really think of astrology, but I must admit that I sort of like the symbolical perspective it’s based on. Like my friend said: astrology considers the rhythms of time instead of actual stars: stars being only symbols for the rhythms of time.
Astrology is bit like a weather prediction: it doesn’t make you do anything, and it is impossible to predict the future. And the only reason I’m writing this is to tell you, that the astrologer you’ve met obviously isn’t a good one.
What astrologers often look for in one’s astrological map are things that seem to be easy for the native – and the things that may require more effort to get familiar with. Birth chart, so to say, doesn’t tell you who you are or how you’re life will be – no. It only shows the energy of the time you were born, and makes it easier for you to understand why you seem to find some things more challenging in your life than others.
The philosophical idea in astrology, I’ve come to think, is that it helps you to pay notice to the obstacles you must overcome until you may feel free and independent. Take notice for example to the compatibility charts: astrology can never say who we will fell in love with. All it does is that it shows the energies between the two people. If either of the two person is developed as individuals and don’t know themselves very well, a lots of controversial energy between the couple may cause a controversial relationship. If, on the other hand, the individuals have worked on their weak spots, they are able to master the energies instead of feeling empowered by them. There may well be an awful marriage then, between a couple who is astrologically a perfect match – and a perfect one between a couple who isn’t. It’s all about how you master the energy given.
Now- if the astrological lady saw this problem in your chart, it might be a good thing. It tells that you’re getting to know the challenging energy in your life that you need to learn to master/to live with. But it does NOT mean that it’s your “faith” not to overcome this! No. If there happens to be the faith, it would be the opposite: this is exactly the thing you need to overcome to be free and developed as a person! So no worries, my friend – you’re exactly on the right path now!
Unfortunately I can’t help with the exact problem this time. But just keep in mind that if you ever meet an astrologer again, remember, that in astrology there are no good or bad things, and there are no curses in anyone’s chart. A person having the most luckiest chart may have the most undeveloped personality (and life) in case he/she refuses to grow with time. And then again a person with a lots of challenging aspects may become to have the most luckiest life if she/he realizes that the controversial energy is there to challenge him/her & to make the person more wise, experienced and courageous. I’m sure though that you have all it needs to overcome the issue – just wanted to tell you that don’t even once think that no one is allowed to convince you otherwise. Good luck!
May 15, 2014 at 3:48 am #56318JBParticipantThank you so much for the adivce I have recieved.
To Sanna: when I saw the astrologer lady, before my telling her anythign about myself self, she revealed some very important and secret events about my life, which no one but I was aware of….by just looking at my birth charts, also telling me some events that will happen soon, which have taken place, without any of my doings or influence.
However, when she told me about my stars….I had the same thoughts as you as well that it is now prime time for me to address my stress issue and deal with the situation.
But it is very frustrating for me to know that I am capable of so so much and also put in effort, and yet the results keep on falling….and it impacts my family relationships as well since my family is worried about my future all the time….
All I want is a break….just once to make it realise that I am capable, that I have knowledge….
I feel like I just keep on falling and there will be no end to this, and I have tried so hard, wept so much and still bad results.
Right now I don’t care about stars or what not, I just really want a break, which I can’t get…Moon – you have written to me about smart studying and relaxing before exams, I can take that onboard what you have said, since I know I often hit panic mode when I go to sit in exams. Although I have had bad marks, the ones in which I was relaxed, were a little better…
Thank you to both of you for replying. If there is something else that you think I can do, please let me know..
Much WarmthMay 15, 2014 at 4:33 am #56319ujuParticipantI agree with sanna, astrology doesn’t say who you will marry but only shows the energy between . them. Visit http://www.tinyphoenixx.blogspot.com for inspirations
May 15, 2014 at 4:39 am #56320InkyParticipantSometimes what has helped me in math is to get a new, different workbook from the bookstore which teaches the same math. Oftentimes you are looking at it in a different way, or the math book’s author teaches it in a different way. Also, new book = fresh start. Old textbook = failure in your subconscious.
Then actually do all the practice problems you can. Do 100. With no thought of grades.
And one day, believe it or not, you’ll never have to take another math course again!! You will end up in the future where you end up, and will probably be successful wherever you find yourself.
Being bad in math is so common, it’s a cliché. Every other random person on the street will remember being bad in math!!
May 15, 2014 at 7:00 am #56324SannaParticipantI do know your feeling, actually, as I came to this same page because of concentration problems. What Moon wrote though is pretty much true I guess: much of the upload and obstacles/ways of being stuck are in our minds. Human brain is simply an amazing organ – the main problem often being that the energy and capability very often isn’t in full use – as we need to process so many things at the same time in our daily lives. (Think of autistic people: the amazing skills they often have might give a clue over the potential we all could have if much of the outer influences & mind wandering to those issues were shut off).
As said – I’m myself also stressed at the moment and came to this site to find something to help me concentrate. So no – it’s not an easy task to master the stress…!
First of all: keep in mind that you are here to live your life – and the only person you need to show off is yourself. You wrote that your family is all the time worried about your future, and this actually sounds like it could be a weight on your shoulders. Let it go. Your parents are grown ups and responsible over their happiness: you don’t need to handle this issue to make them feel safe. It might be a good thing to close these things out of your mind for a while: don’t let their emotions come to you. Protect yourself from other people’s stress, so to speak.
Now, face your stress. I do know how it feels – this constant feeling of being trapped. The time is ticking, there’s no room for failing, and at the same time, you already feel worn out carrying the weight of past mistakes. What you obviously should let go are the past failings – and also the huge pressure to succeed. (But this for sure isn’t the easy thing to do).
I suggest you to look for things, images and people that make you feel confident and good about yourself. Take some emotional distance to people who you feel you need to prove something to, or who is worried over you, and concentrate on people who support you and believe in you. The kind, who trust you and see you as someone skillful. This person might be yourself too: think of all the skills you have. And all the things you’ve already been able to do.
Think the amazing person you are. Do everything it takes to switch your mind on to positive things. And try to accept the level you are now: you can’t jump before you can walk. Stress often comes from the fact that we think of the outcome (huge thing to swallow) – when everything is built from a simple practices and small steps, eventually.
Accept that this is an important time in your life, and you have every right to concentrate on yourself. Give up pleasing others, and take the time to practice you need. And most of all: to get in to and to keep on to the mindset you need!
Eventually, try to reach the math as game or a mystery. Try to give up the previous images of struggling, and distance yourself a bit from the tasks ahead. Math is a language, actually, or a form of art. Behind all those symbols is a hidden beauty, a logical structure created to tell stories that would be too long to explain with natural sentences. Imagine yourself being someone who is determined to learn how to read and write in this language. Dive into it. For a while try reaching it as something neutral: not a life or dead issue, but as something having value and point in itself.
You know that brain is a bit like muscle too? It is formed by the way you use it – new neuropathways are created depending on your actions. And just as any muscle, also brain needs some rest and relaxation too, between practice. (By the way, exercise is a very good thing when it comes to learning – as it literally makes you ready to built new networks in your brain. It also relies stress). Best luck!
May 18, 2014 at 5:09 pm #56488JBParticipantThank you Sanna and also to everyone else that has replied 🙂
Since I have really reached pit bottom….I can only go up from here…and really really thank you for all your help and advice…it had freally helped me since I have already started to change my working method…
I have another exam coming up soon, so I guess that shall show whether everything has really worked or not….but thanks you everyone for everything 🙂 -
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