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Expressing emotions

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  • July 18, 2014 at 9:00 pm #61239
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    and have you spoken to Dad to see what his thoughts are re: your plight ? If not, please make an effort to do that. If yes, what did you learn from him ?

    July 19, 2014 at 7:34 pm #61269
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    @@Jasmine-3 I’m grateful that you touched upon the fact that forgiving and letting go are two different things. Yes, I’m still holding on to so much negativity. There is so much buried in my subsconscious, I have no idea how to get it out or let go. At any given moment, I am replaying events in my mind over and over and over again and constantly checking, “Is the pain still there?”. Or sometimes, the question comes up, “What does this [sound, sight, smell, touch] remind you of?” and the mind automatically plays a recording of a sad or unpleasant memory. I sometimes wonder how I even function in society when my mind is constantly looping these tapes. No part of life is left untainted by an unpleasant thought or memory. There’s associations being made and reinforced all the time. It’s exhausting and it does very much feel like I’m really trying to hold onto the negativity. If the negativity goes away, what’s left? A colleague once described this phenomenon a me clutching onto a barred window, desperately looking through, wanting to escape and not being able to realize that I’m not in a prison cell at all and that there are no walls behind me. If only I’d let go of the bars…sounds like bliss. And yet, here I am still clutching.

    July 19, 2014 at 7:55 pm #61272
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    @@Jasmine-3 I have spoken with my Dad about some of my issues and he’s constantly reminding me that life is beautiful, lots of people out there are suffering, have set backs, fall down, dust themselves off, and get back up again. But there’s no need to dramatize life so much. He shared with me that he too suffered in life, still suffers, made mistakes, still makes mistakes, has memories and pains that haunt him to this day, but you just keep going. You live with those pains all your life and they’ll come up once in a while, you think or say to yourself, “How stupid could I have been to have done that?” and then the memory / goes away and it’s replaced by another thought or memory. Such is life.

    I wish I could take his approach. He seems so much happier in life. But here I am, still thinking, still replaying, still just drifting through life, weary of the future and wasting time and effort on things gone by.

    July 19, 2014 at 9:32 pm #61274
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Little Buddha @therock

    I hear you.

    3 things:

    1. You are determining every second of your future with your current actions. The more you choose to let your monkey mind run wild, the more it will keep doing that and it will continue to make you suffer today, tomo and always. You can either continue to suffer or you can change your life path by taking control of your mind. Choice is in your hands.

    2. The more we repeat our sorrows in our minds, or by writing it down or sharing with people etc, the more strong the sorrowful imprint becomes. Then it is harder to make positive changes. Again, the choice is in your hands.

    3. If you can take one advice from this discussion then can you please either try the Sharon Salzburg’s metta meditation that Matt talks about (once a day for 1 week) and see how you feel. OR you can try the 11 min meditation (link below) once a day for 1 week. If you can be disciplined enough to devote this much time everyday for 7 days then I think you stand a great chance of turning things around. If you cant, then I am sorry, I rest my case here.

    Choice is really in your hands.

    Best wishes,

    Jasmine

    July 19, 2014 at 9:39 pm #61276
    Matt
    Participant

    Little Buddha,

    I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how hopeless we can feel when cycles overwhelm us. It feels big, as though associations are strong, ruts are deep, because they happen consistently. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    Consider that it feels like lots of problems, because they crop up in many ways. But really, it seems like most of your issue stems from negative fixation. We have an unpleasant experience, and as we think about it, cycle around it, feel unpleasant emotions. This is like being thirsty and drinking from a salted well. The more we dwell, the more thoughts, the more we dwell, yeesh. Cut that crap out!

    Instead, what we can do is find a wholesome well. This is done through self nurturing, such as bringing space, nourishment, relaxation to our body and mind. We sit down, intentionally grow a light space, and refresh, unwind. My favorite of these is metta meditation. Metta is the feeling of warm friendship in our chest, and opens up a spaciousness of mind. Consider how these little cycles of thoughts and emotions seem heavy, compressed, agitating. When they blossom in a patient mind, spacious mind, they’re more like flowers in a wide open field, full of information, creativity, inspiration. We can tend what we want, pull weeds, shine light where its needed, etc. Said differently, cultivating metta helps develop concentration quickly, so you can do something more productive with your time, instead of sitting and stewing. Why lament? Too many horizons, sunrises, possibilities to dwell in errors. The trick is learning we don’t have to. Or, learning, so we don’t have to.

    Namaste, friend, may you find your little space, blue skies.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    July 20, 2014 at 4:11 am #61284
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    Thank you both Matt and Jasmine for your kind response.

    I will continue practicing metta meditation, act with more positivity, gentleness, and kindness towards myself and others, and stop the monkey mind in its tracks. It’s never too late to try again.

    July 20, 2014 at 6:22 am #61291
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Little Buddha @therock

    I am so pleased with your response. You have already turned a corner with your words. Loads and loads of best wishes to you on your forward journey. Make yourself proud.

    Jasmine

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