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Falling for a colleague

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  • #74351
    Vanilla
    Participant

    Hi everyone!
    A few months ago we started a joking/flirty text and before i knew it, i found myself having emotional affair with a divorced colleague. i am married with 2 children, i have a happy, loving family, we have been married for 19 years and I would not give up my family for anything. We had a talk and have decided that we should stop texting and remain friends. We did stop texting, however, we still keep in contact on FB and i found myself doing the same… I can not get him out of my thought, i know i should but i can’t…. Has anyone ever fallen in love to husband and guy friend? I know i should not be like this but i just wanted to be the old, happy me again.. Please help….!

    #74384
    Bronte C
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m sorry for your struggle. Perhaps you might be avoiding having to deal with the real issues you have with yourself and/or your expectations about your life/marriage. Many people go through similar phases when they are not satisfied with their lives. Please do yourself and your family the respect of going to a counselor for help….BEFORE you make the decision to do something you can’t take back. This “new” situation is probably exciting, but the bottom line is that it is a distraction from dealing with your true issues.

    19 years is a long time. I’m assuming there might be something worth looking at before you completely throw it away.

    Remember: “The grass might look greener on the other side, but you have to mow that too” 🙂

    Good luck!!
    -Bronte

    #74497
    Will
    Participant

    I’m not sure I agree that falling for someone means you have “issues”.

    This infatuation will pass. But it will take longer to pass the more you feed it. So you know what to do. Get off the facebook, tell him that you need some distance to protect your marriage, you’re a great guy, bla bla, I’m just going to be polite now. Don’t seek him out, don’t spend more time around him than necessary, don’t share your day to day worries with him, don’t flirt, just be polite and leave it at that. And yes, that’s going to be hard. And you will falter. And then you’ll recommit yourself to keeping that distance because what you really want is the marriage you already have. You’ll keep on keeping on until the heat of your love for this guy simmers down.

    And work with your feelings in a positive way. This is a painful situation to be in, but if you work through it, you’ll know yourself better and your marriage will be stronger. You’re not a bad person for having fallen for this guy, or having a weakness. We all have weaknesses. This is an opportunity to do the right thing, for everyone. You, the husband, the kids, even that guy, who doesn’t want to be a homebreaker I bet.

    Good luck. Work hard.

    #74684
    David
    Participant

    Vanilla, read about term “limerence”, then join support board:

    http://tribes.tribe.net/limerence

    hope that helps!

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